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newton kabiddles
Joined: 31 Mar 2007
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 Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 12:43 am Post subject: |
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| RACETRAITOR wrote: |
| It depends on the circumstances. |
yeah, that's about it. |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:00 am Post subject: |
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| newton kabiddles wrote: |
| RACETRAITOR wrote: |
| It depends on the circumstances. |
yeah, that's about it. |
In the circumstances the OP shared, it's easy to see which way this one falls. |
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DRAMA OVERKILL
Joined: 12 Apr 2005
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:49 am Post subject: |
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| I scumbagged it once, and I totally regret it - it's not worth the drama overkill you may encounter!!! Yes, it does depend on circumstance, but for the number of other fish in the sea, it's not really worth potentially ruining a friendship (IMO). |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:09 am Post subject: |
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| My sister lost her best friend because she couldn't keep her hands off her friend's ex. They lasted less than three months and her 15+ year friendship with her friend never recovered. |
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mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 3:40 am Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
| It can work. I was the best friend and ex in question, and I set 'em up. |
Tried that. Didn't work for me. |
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write of weigh
Joined: 08 Sep 2007
Location: Mars
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:20 am Post subject: |
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Right after I came to Korea, one of my best friends jumped all over my X. Lost alot of respect for him, infact I ripped him a new one in a short email spat. Just something not cool about one of your buds jumpin all over your sh**. They're living together now and looks like they are going to get married.
Things are cool with us now, and it doesnt bother me much, but do u think i trust him? I guess my secret revenge is always knowing that I f****ed his wife.
Not sure if you saw the Sopranos, but Tony wasnt even cool with a friend banging his ex mistress.
Probably the real question here is: y cant u find another girl? |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:31 am Post subject: |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
| kermo wrote: |
| It can work. I was the best friend and ex in question, and I set 'em up. |
Tried that. Didn't work for me. |
It was surprisingly hard at first (didn't realized I'd resent being edged out of the #1 spot in his life), but they were both really sweet about it, and we're involved with other people now, so it's nice and painless these days. |
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mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 6:05 am Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
| mindmetoo wrote: |
| kermo wrote: |
| It can work. I was the best friend and ex in question, and I set 'em up. |
Tried that. Didn't work for me. |
It was surprisingly hard at first (didn't realized I'd resent being edged out of the #1 spot in his life), but they were both really sweet about it, and we're involved with other people now, so it's nice and painless these days. |
I was dating this woman in university and all the time I was dating her I kept thinking "her personality is just like my best friend's". They were both the type that couldn't find any joy in life. My theory on happiness is it rarely kicks down your door. Happiness rarely hangs like tender meet from the bone. You mostly have to suck it out like marrow from the bone. Anyway, after we broke up I kept prodding my best friend to date my ex. "You'd be good for each other." After about ten years of prodding, they finally got together.
Now when you've been with your best friend since age 13 and you're now both pushing 30, you personality characteristics and quirks tend to converge. I have a funny and distinct way of saying the final K in words like "work" and "milk". My final Ks are a bit like me saying "KRACK!" Mil-KK! Wor-KK! He picked that up.
Long story short, dating my best friend seemed over much to her like she was dating me again. And that kind of didn't fire her up in the sack. It was a bit of a mood killer. ("Baby let me shoot some of my love spun-KK all over your fun bags!" "EWWWWWW, you say that just like my ex BF!") Anyway, it can have the end result of your best friend blaming you for pissing in the well, so to speak. Some weird resentment can crop up when things are going well.
Last edited by mindmetoo on Tue Sep 11, 2007 6:12 am; edited 1 time in total |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 6:09 am Post subject: |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
I was dating this woman in university and all the time I was dating her I kept thinking "her personality is just like my best friend's". They were both the type that couldn't find any joy in life. My theory on happiness is it rarely kicks down your door. Happiness rarely hangs like tender meet from the bone. You mostly have to suck it out like marrow from the bone. Anyway, after we broke up I kept prodding my best friend to date my ex. "You'd be good for each other." After about ten years of prodding, they finally got together.
Now when you've been with your best friend since age 13 and you're now both pushing 30, you both have a lot of similar personality characteristics and quirks. Long story short, dating my best friend seemed over much to her like she was dating me again. And that kind of didn't fire her up in the sack. It was a bit of a mood killer. Anyway, it can have the end result of your best friend blaming you for pissing in the well, so to speak. Some weird resentment can crop up when things are going well. |
That's a sad story for all parties involved. |
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nautilus
Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 6:16 am Post subject: |
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| quite often friends of shags present an irresistable allure. i think its because you only know them by chance, so theres no pressure. Theres the whole incestuous politics too. |
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 6:53 am Post subject: |
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| Harsh Bloke wrote: |
| I remember reading somewhere that if you seek and get your friend's permission to date his ex, then it is OK |
Done that before. Was a very close friend of mine and I thought his relationship with said girl was just platonic. Turns out it wasn't and he played it quiet, as he often does. He grew more and more resentful seeing me and her together, and now we never talk. Probably for the better in the end, though, as she is someone I still count as one of my only friends. |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:31 am Post subject: |
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| colonel sanders wrote: |
Thanks for the insight. I'm in a real f'ed up situation. We dated 5 months and mutually broke up on good terms. They started dating 10 days after we broke up. I went home for summer vacation and came back to the news that they were dating and that he had changed his mind from definately going home to renewing his contract another year.
We both live in small town korea with a limited foreigner population and have to loosely work together (camps, special events, etc.) |
Sorry to say, but it appears that the choice is not yours to make.
I know this is crap advice to take, but you have to let go and deal with what happens. |
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Xerxes
Joined: 10 Jan 2006
Location: Down a certain (rabbit) hole, apparently
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 10:34 am Post subject: |
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I think it would all depend on who broke it off with whom: I would never do that with a friend who got dumped. Although if he were to dump her, I think it would be ok.
You would sure get an ear full of what she was that sucked though, whenever you talked to that dude/friend and the girl comes up in conversation. But, morally, it would be ok. A check would almost certainly get the go-ahead.
But, beware.
Most people in dating at first blush just glow and since you are friends, you see the glow in the girl and you think that that's really terrific in the personality of that girl. By and by, when you pull out your beer-goggles, you think, "gee, that chick be cool by me." But, it may not be personality at all but just the glow.
Not all that glows be had, my son. |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Xerxes wrote: |
I think it would all depend on who broke it off with whom: I would never do that with a friend who got dumped. Although if he were to dump her, I think it would be ok.
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That is a good point. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:37 pm Post subject: |
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| RACETRAITOR wrote: |
| Xerxes wrote: |
I think it would all depend on who broke it off with whom: I would never do that with a friend who got dumped. Although if he were to dump her, I think it would be ok.
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That is a good point. |
Absolutely. I should have picked up on that, having dated several of my ex's friends after they dumped me. It was never a problem. However, we were teenagers so there weren't as many [censored] details to consider. |
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