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So, you're going away for a year? Wanna shag?!
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Jizzo T. Clown

Joined: 27 Mar 2006
Location: at my wit's end

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 2:19 am Post subject:

Yeah, this "friends with benefits" thing is a bunch of hooey. Anyone who is able to make love to someone who they consider a friend, and become completely, emotionally detached from the act has serious issues. Granted, if it's with a stranger then sex is all there is. But friendships are something entirely different. Next time a girl brings up the whole "we're friends with benefits" thing, I'm running the other way. And yes, that's experience talking. The guy will always fall for the girl and the girl has an easy out by playing the "friend" card.

Paji eh Wong

Joined: 03 Jun 2003

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 2:25 am Post subject:

Atavistic wrote:

Peppermint and Draz get it. The men don't.

Why doesn't this surprise me?

Because there's nothing to get.

Although Pep gets points for use of the term chick logic.

Atavistic

Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 3:57 am Post subject:

Jizzo T. Clown wrote:

Awww, Jizzo is a smart clown. Very Happy

Draz

Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:32 am Post subject:

nautilus wrote:

Draz wrote:

If you've been friends for years and nothing has happened, there's at least one person there who doesn't want. And then to suddenly declare feelings right when he finds out she's going overseas? Sounds like he was deliberately setting himself up for failure. Or a cheap lay. (

Being a bit harsh aren't we? Maybe you've never had feelings for someone, but if you have you'll know how nervous/shy you might become with declaring such feelings? But to you thats all just a sign of weakness. You'd rather be with someone who has no feelings because he acts completely cool and in control.
You see this is what happens. And then later when the woman is cheated on/ dumped for someone else, she suddenly seeks out mr nice genuine guy again to pick up the pieces.

I'm not blaming anyone for their nature. Just saying this is a biological imperative that bears little relation to our societal notions of what is fair or just.

"Biological imperative." If you're going that way, you might as well admit that as a man, all you want is to have sex and you have no feelings except frustration when you can't spread your seed. Wink

It's interesting in theory, but in practice you need to look at individuals.

I've never been with anyone who played it cool. I usually get shat on in this type of discussion because I like declarations of devotion ("you can't expect that from a MAN! men have a primal need to sc rew around!") so this is an interesting change. But it is possible to be too late. Or just not the right person. So it's best to not wait, find out now so you can get over it sooner and move on sooner (or get started sooner). Waiting until she already has plans is pretty pathetic, yes.

nautilus

Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 7:29 pm Post subject:

Draz wrote:

"Biological imperative." If you're going that way, you might as well admit that as a man, all you want is to have sex and you have no feelings except frustration when you can't spread your seed. Wink

It's interesting in theory, but in practice you need to look at individuals.

Well that is the archetypal inescapable design thrust at us by modern scientific thought. However I think more than simply wanting to maximise "seed dispersal", men are programmed to seek out a satisfying relationship with one woman.

Quote:

I like declarations of devotion ("you can't expect that from a MAN! men have a primal need to sc rew around!")

Thats a common thought, however men aren't that different from women, they have feelings and emotions the same. However men are conditioned by society to avoid shows of emotion. They are also forced to control or conceal emotion, because as men they are expected by the woman to be strong. Emotion, instinctively, shows weakness to a woman. It causes her to run. As a woman you might say, in theory, that you want declarations of feeling, however in reality, they turn you cold. Once a man declares his feelings, he is no challenge anymore, the game is up, and the woman quickly moves on. This is my thinking: women simply aren't deeply attracted to men who are attracted to them. Like men, we are always pursuing the unnatainable. Men are forever running after women that are out of their league, women are always after guys of higher status than them. Revealing your feelings to a woman amounts to an admission that you look up to her, in effect you are of lower status than her. It garuantees failure.

Quote:

Waiting until she already has plans is pretty pathetic, yes.

Agreed. But that is just a logical excuse to cover the deeper reality that she was simply never attracted to this particular guy, for the reasons I stated above.. You will note she allows for the possibility with one particular guy (despite the fact she has "already made plans"). Note that this guy she is interested in is, logically speaking, the opposite of what would seem suitable. She has problems issues with him. To me this is a predictable pattern.
Anyhow..human behaviour..always interesting... Wink

Draz

Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 8:55 pm Post subject:

nautilus wrote:

Draz wrote:

"Biological imperative." If you're going that way, you might as well admit that as a man, all you want is to have sex and you have no feelings except frustration when you can't spread your seed. Wink

It's interesting in theory, but in practice you need to look at individuals.

Well, that's not very scientific of you. Wink

nautilus wrote:

Quote:

I like declarations of devotion ("you can't expect that from a MAN! men have a primal need to sc rew around!")

Speaking from personal experience... it's not a turn-off. It just has to be a guy that I am interested in back. If a guy I'm not interested in declares feelings, it's horrifying and uncomfortable. (This has happened.) But if a guy that I AM interested in says that he has feelings, it's wonderful and makes him even more attractive. (This has happened too.)

It's a total crapshoot but sometimes things really do work out.

Fishead soup

Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Location: Korea

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:10 pm Post subject:

A shag carpet I haven't seen one of those since the seventies.

Masta_Don

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Location: Hyehwa-dong, Seoul

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 10:36 pm Post subject:

Jizzo T. Clown wrote:

Yeah, this "friends with benefits" thing is a bunch of hooey. Anyone who is able to make love to someone who they consider a friend, and become completely, emotionally detached from the act has serious issues. Granted, if it's with a stranger then sex is all there is. But friendships are something entirely different. Next time a girl brings up the whole "we're friends with benefits" thing, I'm running the other way. And yes, that's experience talking. The guy will always fall for the girl and the girl has an easy out by playing the "friend" card.

The friendship does usually get tangled up, but that doesn't mean it's irreparable, it changes, like the one friend that you always go rock climbing with or the one that you like to argue politics with. It's completely possible to enjoy another person's time, whether it be going to a movie, hanging out and talking, or having sex, without 'falling in love'. It's a mutual enjoyment of an event.

And your last sentence is just silly. Hard for a statement, especially a comment on human nature, to include 'always' and be a true statement.

nautilus wrote:

Draz wrote:

"Biological imperative." If you're going that way, you might as well admit that as a man, all you want is to have sex and you have no feelings except frustration when you can't spread your seed. Wink

It's interesting in theory, but in practice you need to look at individuals.

How so are men 'programmed to seek out a satisfying relationship with one woman'? Do you mean culturally programmed?

Qinella

Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 12:37 am Post subject:

So.. am I the only guy here who turned it around and got a mercy-f on the way out?

jajdude

Joined: 18 Jan 2003

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 11:06 am Post subject:

Qinella wrote:

So.. am I the only guy here who turned it around and got a mercy-f on the way out?

Maybe. I think it strange a girl's interest can suddenly increase a lot when she knows yr going though. Happened to me a few times. No mercy involved, just something else, hard to say what really.

normalcyispasse

Joined: 27 Oct 2006
Location: Yeosu until the end of February WOOOOOOOO

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 4:11 pm Post subject:

Well damn. Maybe I should have told some people before I left, eh? By the time I actually had some lovin' here in Korea, I'd had a long dry spell. But then again, I'm a guy. It's not quite the same for us.

Chillin' Villain

Joined: 13 Mar 2003
Location: Goo Row

Posted: Mon Sep 17, 2007 8:20 pm Post subject:

Qinella wrote:

So.. am I the only guy here who turned it around and got a mercy-f on the way out?

I was incredibly close.

Hilarious. She was a girl I had been working with and TRYING to hook it up with all summer (I left for Korea in August many suns ago), and got NOWHERE with. At my going-away party the night before I had to leave we end up being the last two at the party, eating at Denny's or wherever at 5AM. She drove me home around 6AM, and outta nowhere just says "I really need someone to **** me. Can you just crash at my place?"

WTF?

Of course, my flight was leaving in about 4 hours and I hadn't even finished half my packing yet, so it was probably the first time in my life I ever had to turn down a no-strings one-nighter. Never followed up on it on any return trips, either.

I'm married now, so no chance in hell that'll ever go down again... Ha.

Butterfly

Joined: 02 Mar 2003
Location: Kuwait

Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 2:58 am Post subject:

Masta_Don wrote:

Jizzo T. Clown wrote:

Quite rare though, I think.

Quote:

Once a man declares his feelings, he is no challenge anymore, the game is up, and the woman quickly moves on. This is my thinking: women simply aren't deeply attracted to men who are attracted to them. Like men, we are always pursuing the unnatainable. Men are forever running after women that are out of their league, women are always after guys of higher status than them. Revealing your feelings to a woman amounts to an admission that you look up to her, in effect you are of lower status than her. It garuantees failure.

The truth, right there, well said. I was always fascinated by a married male friend who used to take his wedding ring off when he went out clubbing. Not because he wanted to get laid, but because he wanted to stay faithful to his wife. He said he used to get hit on directly by women when he wore it, and hardly ever when he didn't. Women's obsession with that which they can't have, has always fascinated me.

storysinger81

Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Location: Daegu

Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 7:16 am Post subject:

Butterfly wrote:

I was always fascinated by a married male friend who used to take his wedding ring off when he went out clubbing. Not because he wanted to get laid, but because he wanted to stay faithful to his wife. He said he used to get hit on directly by women when he wore it, and hardly ever when he didn't. Women's obsession with that which they can't have, has always fascinated me.

Most classy gals don't hit on men directly anyhow--certainly never one with a wedding ring. All he's done is make himself psycho repellent.

I find this thread ironic. It has been largely attacking women for being too heartless and love 'em and leave 'em when it comes to sex--strings attached or no.

Can we gals ever win on Dave's???

Chloe11

Joined: 23 Jul 2007

Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 3:15 pm Post subject:

I'm surprised that this thread somehow spawned a semi-serious conversation given the initial, knee-jerk reaction that it received.

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