Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Jizzo T. Clown]

That last joke was about as funny as the 97-year-old prostitute who got herself listed in the yellow pages and now claims to be the oldest trick in the book.

[as-ian]

NOTE: Some of these jokes are offensive to some. If you find them offensive, please shut up and skip it or do something else.

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A bloke wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk.
"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's *beep*, yet there is not a sound from anyone.
So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.
At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the fvcking pots!"
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Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, I've won a trip to see the Pope!" Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."

The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!"

The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask me, young man?" Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes."

The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask. Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?" The Pope replies, "Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska."

The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!" The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"

To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."

Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!" The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"

To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah..... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?" The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."

At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin!"
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A minister was feeling bored one Sunday and decided to take the day off from church. He told the assistant minister he wasn't feeling well and drove off. He stopped at a golf course about forty miles away (so that no one would know him.)

Up in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to Jesus, "Are you going to let him get away with that?" Jesus said, "No, I won't." The minister teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.

The angel looked at Jesus and said, "Why did you do that?" Jesus smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
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Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."
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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his *beep*. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell...

Then all the other bells started to ring.
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What's the difference between real Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
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The Pope woke up early one morning with a huge erection. Thinking that it wasn't very Catholic, he tried to get rid of it. Unfortunately, walking around the room, thinking about the Bible and even getting some fresh air on the balcony all failed to soften him up. With only one option left, he sat down on the balcony and did what needed to be done.

Later, he was walking around Rome when a man with a camera approached him. "Hello, Mr Pope," the man said. "Six o'clock this morning, on the balcony, I think you know what I'm talking about."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean," the Pope replied.

"Oh, I think you do," the man retorted, "and 50 thousand will buy you the camera."

Worried and confused, the Pope paid up and took the camera.

Back in the Vatican, one of the Pope's aides asked about the camera. "A chap in town sold it to me for 50 thousand," the Pope explained.

"50 thousand?!" exclaimed the aide. "Wow, he must have seen you coming."
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What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night?
Hanson.
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How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is
bedtime?
When the big hand touches the little hand...
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God tired from all the hard work and wants to go somewhere in a vacation. Go to Mercury, says Saint Peter.
No, it�s too hot there.
Than Pluto.
No, there is too cold.
How about Earth?
No, these guys are too telltales. I was there about 2000 of their years ago, fvcked some Jewish bitch, and from that time they keep talking about me...
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[and another personal favorite]
One day, a wizard was walking through a new york park and noticed a beautiful statue of a man and woman together. The wizard was so struck by the statue that he pulled out his want and waved it around. The statue immediately flashed into two real human beings.
"I grant you 15 minutes of life," stated the wizard. "you two may do with it as you please."
The two quickly ran off behind the nearest tree with bushes. The wizard could hear giggling and laughing, but thought to himself at what a good thing he has done. However, 5 minutes later, the two come back.
"You still have 10 minutes left," mentioned the wizard. "Are you sure you are finished?"
The man turned to the woman and said "Alright, but this time, you hold the bird and i get to *beep* on it."
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One day a priest goes to golf and takes a nun with him. He hits for the first hole and misses:
Fucking hole, I missed!
If you swear again, God will punish you! Said the nun.
The same thing repeats 2 more time. The fourth time, the priest very confident shots but misses again and swears again. In a matter of second a thunder kills the nun. A powerful voice is heard from the skis saying:
*beep*, I missed!
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One day, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked him on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation:
Pray for me! Pray for me!
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What do you give a paedophile who has everything?

A bigger parish.
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[Czarjorge]

how do you get a baby in a shoe box?

a blender

how do you get a baby out of a shoe box?

nacho chips

[jajdude]

A Newfie was really hungover at work and he said to his co-worker, "I bet I can convince the boss to let me have the day off."

When the boss arrived he said, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss said, "You don't seem well, better go home."

His co-worker followed, and the boss said,"Where are you going?"

"You don't expect me to work in the dark, do you?"

[Bondrock]

guy runs into a psychiatrist's office...

"Doc, you gotta help me... I'm a tee-pee... I'm a wigwam"








Doc: "You're two tents."

[Tarmangani]

Six people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3 children.
The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash,and there are only three parachutes.
The doctor yells out, "Save the children"
The lawyer yells out "FU*K THE CHILDREN!"
The priest yells out "IS THERE TIME?"

[SeoulFinn]

Another offensive "joke" I remember hearing years ago.

Q: How does the son of the family know that his sister has periods?
A: Father's c*ck tastes of blood.

[Jizzo T. Clown]

in that same (ahem) vein:

A girl is desperate to take the family car to prom. She asks her dad and he says: "You can take the car but you gotta give dear ol' dad a BJ." The girl thinks it over...BJ or no prom...?

After a while she decides to do the deed. So her dad takes down his pants. After a few seconds she starts to gag: "Oh my god! This tastes like shit!"




















Oh yeah," her dad says, "You brother wanted to borrow $20."

[Bondrock]

here's one for Jizzo

What did the cannibals say when they ate the clown?



"tastes funny"

[Czarjorge]

i finally took the time to read all the posts and i'd like to point out that the
'madelaine mccann' joke is ancient. i think it was first written with a slant on Lindberg's baby, but perhaps not sexual. it pop's up any time a little kid is damaged or killed, that jessica girl in the well, jon benet ramsey, etc. it's dark humor. and it is funny. the only thing questionable about it is the fact that it keeps getting recycled and pawned off as a new joke. kind of like christianity.

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a russian, a mexican and a cowboy walk into a bar in texas.

the russian orders three shots of vodka. he drinks two and throws the third in the air, shooting it. the barman asks, "why'd you shoot that shot?" the russian answers, "why not? we have enough vodka in russia."

the mexican orders three shots of tequila. he drinks two and throws the third in the air, shooting it. the barman asks, "why'd you shoot that shot?" the mexican answers, "why not? we have enough tequila in mexico."

the cowboy orders three shots of whiskey. he drinks all three, grabs the mexican, throws him into the air, and shoots him. the barman, astounded, asks "why'd you shoot that man?" the cowboy replies, "why not? we have enough mexicans in texas."

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this is another example of a joke that can be adapted to remain apropos to most situations. take the positions of most people here at dave's. just substitute adjumma, adjoshi, soju, and foreign english teacher.

[Dome Vans]

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at
him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says: "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"

[anyangoldboy]

Why do Canadians like to do it doggy style?
So they can both watch the hockey.

Maye have already heard that one

[mj roach]

What's the square root of 69?.... 8 something.

What's the difference between meat and fish?...beat your fish and it'll die.

How do cells reproduce?...they pull down their genes.

[Riddzy]

What did Kermit say at Jim Henson's funeral?

Nothing.

[deadman]

Q: What's a Jewish dilemma?

A: Free ham.