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pest2
Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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 Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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| endofthewor1d wrote: |
| pest2 wrote: |
| endofthewor1d wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| But all is fair in love and war... |
if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. |
Even the praying mantis, that eats the cicada, must watch out not to be eaten by the birds (from an ancient Chinese proverb). |
do we really need advice from the chinese? after all... too many chefs spoil the soup. |
But, if this thread keeps going, 'a watched pot never boils'. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
| I find the only way to over come heart break is simply find a new partner. Heart break should be old ground for an adult male. |
Right, it really should be old ground by now. What's the story there, B_B?
However, I don't know about getting a new partner/love interest right off the bat. I'm not interested and I don't like whole "rebound" thing. I prefer lots of nights out drinking with mates, visiting old haunts, ringing up buddies I haven't seen in ages and who don't know I've just broken up. "Hey Guru, where the hell have you been hiding yourself?" I like reconnecting with friends that way, see what's going on in their lives. And typically, breakups are preceded by long, intense, unproductive and helish periods when you get nothing done, you're totally useless, and out of the social swirl. It's good to get back in circulation, and not for the express purpose of finding a replacement. Sez me.
| Quote: |
| As a friend you need to go out with him, listen to him, etc. Although if it begins to stretch into months, then you need to stop molly coddling him and cowboy him up. If he's still moaning about his lost love after 3 months, he's crossing into wussy territory. |
Three MONTHS?  I like to telescope my suffering and grief into a tidy week or even a tight weekend. God abhors slackers and lollygaggers. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:53 am Post subject: |
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| JongnoGuru wrote: |
| mindmetoo wrote: |
| I find the only way to over come heart break is simply find a new partner. Heart break should be old ground for an adult male. |
Right, it really should be old ground by now. What's the story there, B_B |
I don't think he's had his heart broken that often. I suspect he's normally the heartbreaker rather than the heartbreakee (though I'm sure he'd never do it deliberately). I think essentially the story is that she'd been stringing him along for quite some time and they'd become very close, and then she just changed her mind. It's not really very clear, and he doesn't really understand what's gone on, and why she'd suddenly changed her behaviour. He'd fallen for her very hard, and now he's reeling with pain. It's a story as old as the hills, I suppose; but not very nice when it's your turn to act out that particular script.
| The Guru wrote: |
| However, I don't know about getting a new partner/love interest right off the bat. I'm not interested and I don't like whole "rebound" thing. I prefer lots of nights out drinking with mates, visiting old haunts, ringing up buddies I haven't seen in ages and who don't know I've just broken up. "Hey Guru, where the hell have you been hiding yourself?" I like reconnecting with friends that way, see what's going on in their lives. And typically, breakups are preceded by long, intense, unproductive and helish periods when you get nothing done, you're totally useless, and out of the social swirl. It's good to get back in circulation, and not for the express purpose of finding a replacement. Sez me. |
That seems fairly good advice to me.
| A tough cookie wrote: |
| Quote: |
| As a friend you need to go out with him, listen to him, etc. Although if it begins to stretch into months, then you need to stop molly coddling him and cowboy him up. If he's still moaning about his lost love after 3 months, he's crossing into wussy territory. |
Three MONTHS? I like to telescope my suffering and grief into a tidy week or even a tight weekend. God abhors slackers and lollygaggers. |
You're a cold cold man, Guru! 
Can you give us a step by step guide: how to get over a lover in 48 hours... Go on then! |
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pest2
Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 3:13 am Post subject: |
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I heard one theory that went like this:
"for every x amount of time you are in a relationship with someone, the amount of time you will be on the rebound after breaking up with that someone will be 2x." |
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Julius
Joined: 27 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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Why did she dump him?
Is it because she passed her TOEIC?  |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I feel for the guy, I'm in his shoes though somewhat by my own choice right now, and it sucks |
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endofthewor1d
Joined: 01 Apr 2003
Location: the end of the wor1d.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Julius wrote: |
Why did she dump him?
Is it because she passed her TOEIC? |
a friend in need is a friend indeed. |
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Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:32 pm Post subject: |
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| pest2 wrote: |
I heard one theory that went like this:
"for every x amount of time you are in a relationship with someone, the amount of time you will be on the rebound after breaking up with that someone will be 2x." |
Yeah and the theories that say it takes half as long or a third as long to get over someone, etc...
So what if you are with someone a year, then break up, and two months later meet someone, and are with them 10 months. Are you now in rebound another year still for the first person then 20 months on top of that for the second? So for 3 years you're rebounding?
Some of us mentally and/or emotionally and/or physically "check out" of relationships long before they end. I've never seen that factored into any of the "equations."
I disagree with one of the above psoters. I don't think the best way to get over someone is to be in another relationship right away. Sometimes that means you're dragging too much baggage around. |
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endofthewor1d
Joined: 01 Apr 2003
Location: the end of the wor1d.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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| peppermint wrote: |
| I feel for the guy, I'm in his shoes though somewhat by my own choice right now, and it sucks |
misery loves company. |
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Julius
Joined: 27 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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Hate to say it, but could it be that she realised things were getting serious and that she had to get out before she married someone not Korean? It happens..
Either way..figuring out why exactly, is 99% of the way to moving on. |
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endofthewor1d
Joined: 01 Apr 2003
Location: the end of the wor1d.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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| Julius wrote: |
Hate to say it, but could it be that she realised things were getting serious and that she had to get out before she married someone not Korean? It happens..
Either way..figuring out why exactly, is 99% of the way to moving on. |
when in rome... |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| A tough cookie wrote: |
| Quote: |
| As a friend you need to go out with him, listen to him, etc. Although if it begins to stretch into months, then you need to stop molly coddling him and cowboy him up. If he's still moaning about his lost love after 3 months, he's crossing into wussy territory. |
Three MONTHS? I like to telescope my suffering and grief into a tidy week or even a tight weekend. God abhors slackers and lollygaggers. |
You're a cold cold man, Guru!
Can you give us a step by step guide: how to get over a lover in 48 hours... Go on then! |
Okay, so maybe one weekend was a gross exaggeration. Meant that to be lighthearted and humorous, though those first few days, or in some cases even weeks, following a breakup that you didn't want are ANYTHING BUT. It is about the most, if not THE most emotionally draining, physically debilitating experience life can throw at you.
I couldn't write a how-to guide for overcoming a broken heart, as people and relationships can be so different. But I'll tell you what has been my experience -- I say experience, not m.o. Luckily, my heart hasn't been broken so often to have worked out a coping regimen.
The bomb is dropped. Where am I? Doesn't matter. Spend the next hour shouting "WHY? WHY??? WHY???!" at her, then wander away all zombified. Once I stop wandering around like a zombie, I don't spare myself one moment of the pain and grief that's coming. I don't play the tough guy, don't play the walking-wounded guy, and absolutely refuse to play the glum-looking torch-carrying guy at the end of the bar 3 months hence. Just ain't my shtick. It's some guys' shtick, just ain't my shtick.
Ideally, the bomb will be dropped on a Friday. That gives me two solid, wonderful days to wallow in my misery. I said 'telescope the suffering' and I wasn't kidding. I batten down the hatches and proceed to summon up all the demons, the horror and the pain, and I just ... I just let them consume me and knock me down. (As though this needs to be clarified...) This is done strictly alone and indoors. No walks outdoors, no friends over consoling me, no booze (i'm not a drink-when-your-sad/distraught/scared kinda guy anyway), and no phonecalls to or from the girl. It's unplugged. It's over.
I usually can't eat. Or sleep. Do I let myself cry? Goddamn right I do! Cry like a big old menopausal woman. Cathartic. And I also let stupid grim thoughts run rampant: "Yes, life is no longer worth living! Yes, I'll never find a love like this again! Yes, it's ALL downhill from here!!" And I play back in my mind the sweetest and the painfullest moments of the relationship over & over, just for the added torment.
I'm repeating myself, but it's just very intense. Soul-searing. And perhaps the more intense it is, the sooner the ordeal over and I can go forward. Or at least see my way forward.
At some point, I'd be about ready to go meet buddies and whatnot as described in my previous post.
Last edited by JongnoGuru on Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:24 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:23 pm Post subject: |
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That's a pretty cool post, Jongno.  |
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unknown9398
Joined: 03 Nov 2006
Location: Yeongcheon, S. Korea
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Hot sex and ice cream really blows down those blues. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:46 pm Post subject: |
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Years ago, I made a mix for my younger sister called "Audio Prozac." It was just cheerful, goofy music to make her smile. She still dusts it off to get her through tough times.
When you're lovelorn, every other song on the radio can be a kick in the face. An encouraging mix can be mighty helpful. |
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