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ddeubel
Joined: 20 Jul 2005
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 Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 3:57 am Post subject: |
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If you really need advice, nothing beats Dr. Quinn. He gives it straight on. Ask him......
http://voicethread.com/view.php?b=636
Me, as has been said, prefer flaunting someone better and also breaking anothers........it's a fact of life, don't make it into a negative thing.
DD |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:22 am Post subject: |
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 I just had a listen and I think I can sum up the advice he'd give my friend: get another girlfriend and eat all your good vegetables. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:23 am Post subject: |
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| peppermint wrote: |
| I feel for the guy, I'm in his shoes though somewhat by my own choice right now, and it sucks |
Sorry to hear that, peppermint. I hope you come through it soon. |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:48 am Post subject: |
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Thanks. I've always gone through a less concentrated version of what the one the Guru mentioned whether I wanted the breakup or no. Waves of intense sorrow over a few days, between moments of normalcy, until anger takes over (sometimes at the guy, sometimes at myself, or the circumstances, often a mixture) Either way, that angry energy tends to get used constructively
Not sure if it will help your friend but I've found that the loss you feel is usually a measure of how much you learned in the relationship that ended. Sounds like he learned a lot.
I'm considering a breakover (the whole dramatically different haircut after a breakup thing) but I suppose men don't really do those.  |
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Adventurer
Joined: 28 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 6:24 am Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| JongnoGuru wrote: |
More moaning about relationships, huh?
Big Bird, these kinds of threads seem out of character for you. Is this the same lovestruck friend of yours who was the subject of your previous thread, something like "Do you find it sickening/sweet/frustrating/icky/etc. when a friend just can't stop mooning about somebody?"? Or are these different people? And is it a girl, as Atavistic assumes, or a fella? Because advice differs according to their sex. |
Ha! I never made the connection with the other thread - I assume you mean he one titled Lovelorn people? There was a theme that night, about nympomaniac people and evil people and other people, and I just grabbed a less obvious word out of my mental dictionary and joined the fun. It had no connection to anything, except the theme. I had no person in mind actually.
No, this is a very recent development, and a very good male friend of mine has been dealt up some heartbreak, and I wondered what advice people have. I feel for him, and wish I could offer up some useful advice to speed him on his recovery. And anyway, it's always an interesting theme, isn't it? So many stories and songs are written about it. We've all been through it, at one time or another, too. I wondered how others cope with it, and if they have some wisdom to share.
Anyway, I think Karma Police might need a few tips, to help him get over princess.  |
Well, the last time I felt that way. I talked to some friends to feel better... In the end, I looked at what I could do and couldn't do. I knew I couldn't go back and change things like Superman going around the globe to bring Lois Lane back. If you put your energy into your heart-break, it won't make the other person come back, or change words that were sad. What happened, happened. If punishing yourself severely for a long time would bring back someone or bring back your first love, I am all for it. This will do nothing for him. When he sees the reality of what he can't do, he should accept the situation and move on. It is definitely much easier said than done.] |
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endofthewor1d
Joined: 01 Apr 2003
Location: the end of the wor1d.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:00 am Post subject: |
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| Adventurer wrote: |
| Well, the last time I felt that way. I talked to some friends to feel better... |
what are friends for? |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:16 am Post subject: |
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| peppermint wrote: |
| I'm considering a breakover (the whole dramatically different haircut after a breakup thing) but I suppose men don't really do those. |
He's talking about bulking up and strengthening his body - a male equivalent, I suppose.. But this is a guy who works out regularly and is in very good condition.
Actually, he's suddenly lost confidence in himself and keeps running himself down. He's normally a very confident person, and an intelligent and attractive man at that. He's had plenty of success with girls. But now he's convinced he's not very attractive, and he's also feeling old. He's in his late thirties, an age I have always found very attractive for a man, even when I was in my very early twenties. He's still at a very eligible age for a guy, and I'm so sorry to hear him feeling he is over the hill. He's talking such nonsense, and he's not convinced when I tell him he's talking utter bollocks. I've tried to assure him he's still very attractive. I feel so dismayed to hear my friend talk like that, and don't really know how to convince him he is absolutely wrong. 
I feel quite concerned about this aspect of it all. I wonder if anyone has any advice about that? |
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endofthewor1d
Joined: 01 Apr 2003
Location: the end of the wor1d.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:46 am Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| peppermint wrote: |
| I'm considering a breakover (the whole dramatically different haircut after a breakup thing) but I suppose men don't really do those. |
He's talking about bulking up and strengthening his body - a male equivalent, I suppose.. But this is a guy who works out regularly and is in very good condition.
Actually, he's suddenly lost confidence in himself and keeps running himself down. He's normally a very confident person, and an intelligent and attractive man at that. He's had plenty of success with girls. But now he's convinced he's not very attractive, and he's also feeling old. He's in his late thirties, an age I have always found very attractive for a man, even when I was in my very early twenties. He's still at a very eligible age for a guy, and I'm so sorry to hear him feeling he is over the hill. He's talking such nonsense, and he's not convinced when I tell him he's talking utter bollocks. I feel dismayed to hear my friend talk like that, and don't really know how to convince him he is absolutely wrong.
I feel quite concerned about this aspect of it all. I wonder if anyone has any advice about that? |
ah... in that case...
don't put off untill tomorrow what you can do today.
live each day like it's your last.
it's never too late to make a new beginning.
there's no time like the present.
seize the day!
some advice i would avoid:
there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
here today, gone tomorrow.
you weren't born yesterday.
you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
sorry. i'm only joking. i hope i'm not rubbing salt in the wound. |
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crsandus
Joined: 05 Oct 2004
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:06 am Post subject: |
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| peppermint wrote: |
I'm considering a breakover (the whole dramatically different haircut after a breakup thing) but I suppose men don't really do those. |
Sure men can do those things. Since I got dumped, I've grown my hair out, lost 15lbs, started working out regularly, take care of my skin better and am thinking working on a couple other things. I did all these things in hopes that if she ever saw me again, that maybe she'd change her mind, but after a year, I've basically accepted the fact that she won't be back and I might as well improve myself for a future relationship. |
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endofthewor1d
Joined: 01 Apr 2003
Location: the end of the wor1d.
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| Posted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 8:11 am Post subject: |
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| crsandus wrote: |
| peppermint wrote: |
I'm considering a breakover (the whole dramatically different haircut after a breakup thing) but I suppose men don't really do those. |
Sure men can do those things. Since I got dumped, I've grown my hair out, lost 15lbs, started working out regularly, take care of my skin better and am thinking working on a couple other things. I did all these things in hopes that if she ever saw me again, that maybe she'd change her mind, but after a year, I've basically accepted the fact that she won't be back and I might as well improve myself for a future relationship. |
when life throws you lemons, make lemonade. |
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