Korean Job Discussion Forums

[SeoulShakin]

Has anyone been through this?

My Grandmother is dying. She has a brain bleed, and because of her age (91) and heart condition the doctor's say they can't do anything. They are just making her comfortable during her final moments. Don't know how long she'll last. Could be a few hours. Could be a week or more.

I'm crushed. My Grandparents have lived 5 minutes away from me my entire life, and are like a 2nd set of parents to me.

I couldn't sleep all night. I knew something wasn't right. My mom called at 4am to tell me. I've been awake ever since, in and out of tears, and am waiting for the phone call to tell me it's over. I can't go to work like this. I'm a wreck.

How do you deal with this stuff being so far away? I haven't dealt with death since I was in the 6th grade, and then I had my family around me. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself, but I just find myself in tears.

I know I could fly home, but I don't have enough money put away for that since I've been sending it home to pay off debt. Even if I went home, she wouldn't recognize me (alzheimer's). I'm just exhausted and feeling all out of sorts.

Besides drinking (I don't like to do that often as it is), what can I do to keep myself sane?

[Ya-ta Boy]

First of all, my condolences on your loss.

Death is always a tough thing to deal with. Call in and get the day off, if at all possible, and take today and the weekend to grieve. Spend your time remembering your grandmother. If you are like me, when I lost my dad, the memories and emotions went on a kind of roller coaster. Good memories and even unrelated things came to mind, then there would be a wave of sadness, then the cycle would repeat.

Again, sorry for your loss.

[SeoulShakin]

Called my co-teacher in tears, and she told me to stay home.

She isn't gone yet, but it literally could be any second. They don't know how long she'll last. Could be a few minutes, could be a week or more. Thanks for the condolences anyway.... I'll need them soon.

I just don't know how to brace myself for this, or how to deal with it without my family here.

My parents are there with her now. Everytime I hear a phone ring, my heart jumps into my throat.

[Alyallen]

I'm sorry about your grandmother

I had to deal with the same thing earlier this year. My grandmother and great grand mother (mother and daughter) both passed away within months of each other.

My father told me the news on both ocassions and said the same thing in each instance, "Don't be sad. She had a long life with a lot of love in it. JJust remember all the good times you had together." It is sort of cliche but true. I did take a day off, sat around and cried about it but I realized that my dad was right.

So I guess I can say that it's ok to be sad but remember all those great memories you have of your grandmother....

[MarionG]

Death is always hard...horrible in fact...for those left behind. Over the years I've lost my mother, my father, a 7 year old son, and my husband.
The only thing that makes it easier is knowing that it does get better. Time doesn't make the wound go away, but it makes it a part of your history.
I still cherish memories of my father, who died when I was 22. The 40th anniversary of his death was two weeks ago - seems impossible that it's been so long.
Think about good times with your grandmother-before Alzheimer's and before she was otherwise infirm. Remind yourself of her long life, and how special that has helped your life to be. And then acknowledge to yourself, that with her present problems-the bleed and Alzheimer's-that it's time for her to go. It's probably not time in your mind, but it seems to be the right time for her. Living with paralysis and mindlessness is hardly living.
I talk to my father, and to my husband, in my mind. For whatever reason, that's comforted me. In your own mind tell your grandmother how special she was to you, and how you'll keep talking to her always.

[theatrelily]

My mother passed away during my first year in Korea.

I went to the sauna to try and calm my nerves down, went for long walks, reminisced with my sister on the phone and had a few drinks with friends.

Although you won't be going home, it could be therapeutic to write your grandmother a letter saying all the things you would like to share with her in her final moments. You don't have to send it, but often the act of putting your feelings on paper is enough to help with the pain.

I am sincerely sorry and wish I could give you a HUGE hug.

Get your comfort food of choice (wine and chocolate?), surround yourself with friends and take the time to grieve.

You'll be in my thoughts.

[SeoulShakin]

Thanks for your kind words.

I think I just need to take today to wallow a bit. My whole family is with her right now, and it kills me that I can't be with them all right now as well. My sister has promised to call me, so I'm anticipating a call (and dreading it at the same time).

I'm pretty thankful my co-teacher was good about it though. She felt terrible that I was upset and just told me to stay home. I've showed her photos of my family before, so she's seen a photo of my grandparents and knows how close they are to me. I'm glad Koreans have such a high value placed on family relations. I would have hated to feel like I HAD to go to work today.

[rockstarsmooth]

my grampa died the day after i arrived here, so i can definitely empathize. actually, reading your post made me start crying. you've already gotten lots of good advice, so i won't repeat any of it. know that she knows you love her.
rss



right now i'm listening to: the misfits - hatebreeders

[SeoulShakin]

[Bramble]

Sorry you're going through this, SeoulShakin.