Korean Job Discussion Forums

[sojourner1]

I feel bad for you. This is one very very sucky arse situation. It happens to everyone, but what compounds the problem even more is when there is no life insurance and some excess insurance left to pay the surviving family an allowance to help them with their financial losses in order to only focus on the grieving process. It is necessary to grieve if you so feel it in order to maintain your health even the financial costs seem a bit steep.

The call came to me 1 month ago with my mother on a Friday night. I cried all weekend and I came into work early Monday morning crying. I did try to call my director during the weekend, but no answer. My director offered to lend me airfare home, but I had 4 m Won in the bank, and then he set up the ticket for 1.5 m Won RT to the states and gave me 2 weeks off unpaid. I'm glad I did it. You just have to make a trip home if you so feel intense grief. All in all, it was 3.5 m Won in cost of airfare, lost salary, and money I spent at home. Almost half of my savings ate up and then the funeral and burial bills are left unpaid still yet.

This is the horrible set back everyone experiences from time to time.

I know many of you from the southern hemisphere do not feel such a need to run home over family death as was explained to me, but the kiwis and Aussies I know accepted and respected my intense grief and the need to run home. I would fathom that before the jet and internet age, it took 6 months to find out your mother died if you were kiwi or Aussie. How much I wished things were so easy for me in coping like is for the Kiwis and Aussies.

[kiwiliz]

[kiwiliz]

Hey guys,
I am happy to donate 100 won to seoulshakin...if a few of you others do we can get her home, should she decide to go, at no large expense to the rest of us....any takers?

[Newbie]

Don't airlines give discounts in the event of a death in the family?

[SeoulShakin]

[SeoulShakin]

[kiwiliz]

lol...I just read what I typed, that should have been 100,000 won anyway...wouldn't get far at all on 100.

[SeoulShakin]

Finally got ahold of my Dad (it's my paternal Gramma). I caught him as he was ordering McDonald's at the drivethru... it's about 4am at home now, and they needed a late night meal to keep them going.

He seemed relatively calm, saying that it's just a waiting game at this point, and all they can do is take shifts at her bedside until it's time. Talked to my Mom, told her that I looked at flight prices, and the cheapest I've found is $2300. She told me that it's pointless for me to come home, because she's basically unconscious and in a constant state of sleep. There's nothing anyone can do, and that I can't do anymore at home than I could here. That sucked to hear, but I guess that's how they are all feeling at the moment.

I told Dad that he seemed surprisingly calm seeing as how it's his mother. He said that considering the circumstances, and her condition, there is no point in being upset, since she's very old and has lived her life well. It was weird hearing them so calm. Makes me wonder if it was all a show to try and calm me down.

Anyway, thanks for everyone's wishes. Hopefully this will be overwith soon, for her sake.

[articulate_ink]

I feel terrible for you. I lost my grandmother (maternal, and the last grandparent left) a little over a year ago, under similar circumstances. It wasn't Alzheimer's, but a series of mini-strokes that followed a long decline in which she had more or less given up on herself. I flew back East (I was living in Seattle and she was in North Carolina) to spend some time with her before I came to Korea. She knew who I was then, although now and then she mistook me for my late grandfather. Toward the end, she had slipped too much to recognize even my mother. When the news came, I was devastated. I was able to get through it by spending the afternoon with a good friend. The next day, I was scheduled to go on my visa run to Japan, and I spent a lot of quiet time by myself on that trip.

How you deal with this is up to you. If you're close with your family, perhaps they can help defray the cost of traveling back when the time comes. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. On the other hand, as someone else has said, funerals are for the living. There are ways to honor your grandmother from here. In time, when your financial situation is more conducive, you can travel home.

I agree that bereavement discounts are often more hassle to arrange than they're worth.

It's okay to cry and feel like sh!t right now. It's even okay to want to get those emotions out of your system. Please be kind to yourself and trust yourself to make the best decision you can, with the resources and the information that are available.

Best of luck to you and your family. I hope this goes as well as it can.

You'll be okay.

[SeoulShakin]

Have any of you dealing with this worked for a public school? I called and had no problem taking today off work. If she lasts until Monday though, do you think I'll have a problem getting Monday off as well?

They're all saying "a couple of days". That could be any time.

[peppermint]

I was working for the worlds worst hagwon at the time, and got yelled at for taking a personal call about sis's condition mid class. IF it comes to that, tell them you developed a cold over the weekend

[oneofthesarahs]

My condolences! It might help to try to keep yourself busy. Obviously you need to take some time to grieve, but it might help to try to keep yourself from sitting around all day. Take a nice walk or do yoga or even clean your kitchen. My grandfather had a heart attack while I was here, and my family thought we were going to lose him because he was already in a fragile health situation. Luckily he pulled through, but I was feeling really torn up about not being there. Cleaning my apartment actually helped me because it made me feel like I was doing something useful at a time when I felt so useless.

And don't stress out about going home or not. Do what feels right, and don't listen to what anyone else advises you to do. For me, if my grandpa would have died, I don't think I would have gone home for the funeral. He loved that I was in Korea. I sent him some Korean money and he thought it was just the coolest thing in the world. He would have wanted me to stay. But if you do decide to go home, if you need money, I'd be willing to chip in a bit also. I know you said you'd be weird accepting money from strangers, but keep it in mind.

[crusher_of_heads]

My condolences-when my mom went it hit me hard-I spent hours in the gym-I didn't want any deep reflection at the time. Whether you go or stay here, surround yourself with good people.

[SeoulShakin]

Thanks for your condolences.

I think I'm going to eat some ice cream, and watch a movie that will likely make me cry some more.

I'll keep you posted if I hear anything new.

[Alyallen]