Korean Job Discussion Forums

safeblad · Joined: 17 Jul 2006

a touch long Surprised

So I am in a new city and have a new K Co-teacher, she is young and speaks english like a pro. Naturally she has been helping me get my shit together now I am back in Korea, it is part of her job. I dont expect any different.

I thought said coteacher was cool at one stage until one day she started asking me if a woman and a man could ever be friends. Apparently there is some waeg guy who asked her to double date. (Waeg and his KGF + Her and her boyfriend.) Hence the question.

Of course I said it is possible to be friends with the members of the opposite sex, but she disagreed. I should say at this point that I also have a girlfriend and have no interest in trying to get inside my coteachers pants.

As I interpreted it, my co-teacher had been showing all the signs of an attempt to establish a friendship, we had been out to dinner (with my gf) and she talked about going to a local town of some historic significance together. We had talked about the big and small stuff and I felt we got on really well.

In response to her question I asked her a hypothetical: 'If i stayed at school for one year and we got on really well all year, could we not be friends come the end it?' She gave me a flat out 'no', which kind of knocked me back. Maybe I shouldnt have asked her that question; I was just certain that logic would dictate a 'Yes' answer.

As far as I am concerned she cannot have it both ways. She cannot ask me about slightly grey area subjects and see me outside of school whilst flat out stating that we cannot ever be friends.

I am now no longer interested in being her friend, it is not really the point of this post. I was simply peturbed her autistic approach (or korean approach?) to human relationships. I no longer make any real effort with her. Now she only wants to go dancing with my girlfriend. Thats fine by me.

No doubt I misread some signals but the incident got me thinking. Does Chingu mean the same as friend? Honestly and somewhat embarassingly I have no Korean female friends and only k acquaintances of both sexes. So really I dont know....

In light of my situation I am interested to see if people feel that social boundaries are different in Korea, if anyone ever knew a korean whom they though was their friend but turned out to be nothing of the sort? Is my experience simply indicative of the Korean way?

Yesterday · Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 10:01 pm Post subject:

She is obviously very conservative...

Many (good-clean) Korean women are afraid to be your friend.. because other people (society) - will perceive them as being dirty girls...

I had a very good Korean female-friend for my first 4 years that I was here... and she was just a friend - nothing else....

then she got married (to her British boyfriend) and she has never spoken to me since...

Even if you are lucky enough to make friends with Korean females - just for the sake of "being friends" - they will often be afraid to be seen with you in public etc... and once they get into a relationship with another guy or become married... don't expect to ever hear from them again...

safeblad · Joined: 17 Jul 2006

jaganath69 · Joined: 17 Jul 2003

Friendship is culturally contingent and the responsibilities and levels of intimacy that are allowed or even the nature of 'friends' that one should cultivate vary from culture to culture. I've never had a close female Korean friend in over four years here. I've rarely met one that interested me, save for on a superficial level. All my female friends over the years (and I have had tons) have shared interests such as music, clubbing, sport, politics etc. The Korean women I meet are interested in cuteness so kitsch it makes my eyes bleed, turning vanity into an extreme sport or various educational pursuits I have no interest in.

Add to that the fact that often in the case of a white male Korean female meeting there are expectations of sex from one side and an educational experience on the other. I don't need or want to give either, being happily married. And whilst I am sure that it is eminently possible for you to be friends with a female here, I just haven't found the conditions to be ripe for it. Most of my Korean female acquaintances are purely of a professional nature, and I don't mean hookers.

SeoulFinn · Joined: 27 Feb 2006 Location: 1h from Seoul

Fresh Prince · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Location: The glorious nation of Korea

I was walking home once after going to the supermarket and ran into random Korean guy sitting down on the sidewalk eating an ice cream cone. He said the usual, "Hi, where are you from," and I told him. He then asked how old I was; when I told him, he said, "Me too, we are the same age, we can be friends."

I had no interest in being this random guy's friend, and he seriously protested when I tried to continue on my way. He kept saying that we are the same age, and that we can be friends. He wanted to drink soju at my house even.

The thought that I had was that Koreans have a very different concept of what a friend is, and being the same exact age is the key requirement.

Yesterday · Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 11:08 pm Post subject:

jajdude · Joined: 18 Jan 2003

As above poster said. I asked a student once where her friend (classmate) was, because they sure acted like friends. She protested. Not friends. Not in same grade. Then she commented how strange "Americans" are (having friends of different ages).

jaganath69 · Joined: 17 Jul 2003

That's another one that still gets me here. I have friends of all ages here, guys in their 50s and people barely out of their teens. I have one mate from uni here who is a good drinking partner and it seems to confuse the buggery out of some natives that two people with a ten year age gap could be good friends.

faster · Joined: 03 Sep 2006

"Chingu" carries the denotation of peer (in social position and age), that "friend" lacks.

I'm not sure if this is the root of your particular issue, but it's something to be aware of (and Koreans learning/using English should also be made aware).

pest2 · Joined: 01 Jun 2005 Location: Vancouver, Canada

Korean girls are...

Well, no matter what they call you, it doesnt affect what your relationship really is or isnt..

Last time I stayed in Seoul in a Yeogwan, there was a younger woman in the next room with an older guy (hooker?). I could hear him pounding her against the wall and bed and every so often the sound of him spanking her... at which time she'd yell, OHHHH OPAAAHH!!!! (brother). Go figure that one out..

safeblad · Joined: 17 Jul 2006

faster · Joined: 03 Sep 2006

safeblad · Joined: 17 Jul 2006

samd · Joined: 03 Jan 2007

Oppa means big brother of a female. Some girls call their boyfriends oppa as a pet name, replacing "honey" or "baby". Hookers also call their customers oppa.

As far as your "friend" question, I think it is just a translation problem. You can be friends with a Korean girl, IE. you can have a relationship with a korean girl that is the saem as a friendship you would have with a girl from your home country. The difference here is you can't call each other friends.

The same thing happens with guys. If I meet a guy a guy a couple of years older than me, he cannot be my friend, only my big brother, even if our relationship is friendship.

So don't worry about it.