Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Ilsanman]

So I went to a wedding yesterday. This is my 3rd wedding, not including my own.

I was the only foreigner in attendance, so I guessed that some people would have all eyes on me. I don't know if some or any did, but I didn't really notice. From the rear, who knows?

Anyways, we arrived about 20 minutes early, and greeted the bride and groom, paid 축의금 and so on. Then we went into the wedding hall to sit down.

The wedding was going well and all. When it really began (bride and groom's entrances), the quiet roar of people's chatter mostly died down. A few people didn't sit down, but stood at the back (despite there being empty seats) and chatted and/or talked on their phone. I think it's kind of rude, but at least they had the decency to stand at the back.

When the priest-type person was talking, 2-3 grandmothers a few rows behind us were yapping and laughing at quite an inappropriate level of noise. It was enough that I could hear them clearer than the priest. The people in front of us kept looking back with that 'what the *beep* are they doing' kinda look.

Finally, one older lady wearing hanbok went back and told them to be quiet. Even then, they quieted down only a little. When I looked back, I saw her laughing with her mouth open, showing 2-3 teeth.

Anyways, it's not my wedding, so I am not going to make a fuss. After the ceremony ended, we went over to the buffet to get a meal. The food was satisfactory. We sat a few rows from the end of this long table. After eating a first plate, we got up at the same time to go get more, and dessert-type goodies.

When we left the table, I left my suit jacket on the back of the chair and my wife left her purse on her seat. We came back not 5 minutes later to see some group had stolen our seats. Then they said sorry, and claimed to not know we were there. I guess we needed a neon billboard to let them know that, as an obious clue of a purse and suit jacket wasn't enough.

We got up to move, since they wouldn't. Some old guy asked me what I was doing and I said 우리 자리 뺏겼어요 (our seats got taken), and he laughed.

We greeted the bride and groom one more time, and left.

I wonder about others who have attended weddings here. I wasn't so peeved about the seats bein stolen. That's common discourtesy, as I have become used to. The yapping grandmother would have ticked me off big time if it were my wedding. I guess the bride and groom didn't even notice.

[Milwaukiedave]

IM,

I've only been to one other wedding (other then my own) here in Korea and I noticed the same thing about people talking loudly in the back. My wife said it's pretty common.

As to having your seat stolen, Koreans have a much different level of civility and see to get away with being rude to others and tolerate people being rude to them. I've outright told Koreans they are being rude (not all the time, but some of the time).

The first year I was here I had a bad experience in a KTF store in Daegu and the agoshi who managed the store was being really rude to me (and the woman who worked at the store and was helping me) and I outright told him off and walked out.

Given the situation, you picked the best way to deal with it. Although I would have given the guy that laughed at you a psycho look and said to him in Korean, "that's not funny" and then walked off.

[merkurix]

[Ilsanman]

She reminded me of a subway grandmother.

You know, they sit there and look out the window again and again with this big goofy grin on their faces, but when they get in a pack, they yap and yap and yap non stop.

I am sure people talked some during my wedding, but I couldn't hear it. I guess if this bride and groom couldn't hear them yapping, they wouldn't care. But when even a Korean (I consider them a lot more tolerant than westerners as far as bad manners go) has to get up and tell them to shut up, maybe they regret inviting them.

I am serious about the 3 teeth part.

[Benicio]

Welcome to Korean weddings and Koreans normal treatment of people they don't know!

Generally, Korean wedding hall events are absolutely horrible!

[Ilsanman]

Someone you don't know? Then why the heck are you at the wedding?

[Morton]

I'm going to a wedding this Saturday. I used to work with the lad in a hogwon last year. Should i give him a gift? If so, what is suitable?

[Ya-ta Boy]

I've been to at least a dozen weddings, and all were noisy affairs with few people paying any attention at all, except one which was a Catholic mass. I've become used to it.

I've decided to go to no more weddings unless one of the people is a close friend. Otherwise, it's too expensive. I'm not expecting to get married again so I won't ever get my money back.

How to tell you are close enough to one of the people: You get invited to the private reception for close friends. THOSE are hilarious and worth the W30,000-W50,000 'admission fee'.

[Ya-ta Boy]

[Ilsanman]

If you get married here and collect money from people, it is customary to give the same money back when your friend gets married. If not, it's a loss of face and gives you a bad image.

This year I have had to give back over 200,000 won that I received last year.

My wife told me if someone didn't come to my wedding, they should still give me something. If not, don't go to their wedding in the future. Kinda petty, I think, but I sort of agree. They can expect to get money from me in the future without paying anything to me.

[reactionary]

Maybe all the talking/noise is the more authentic Korean wedding. All the walking down the aisle with the "preacher" and dry ice and lasers seems like crap just tacked on at the last minute to be more western. It doesn't seem like a very serious affair, and maybe shouldn't be treated as such.

I've never seen the other ceremony I've heard about vaguely - the Korean affair where everyone wears hanboks. What's that like?

[Benicio]

Well Ilsanman, the OP said that his seats were stolen by someone who he didn't know/didn't know him.

The seats were obviously occupied, but the seat stealers followed the general rule here that if you don't know someone or have never had interactions with them, then they are a "non-person" who is not to be shown any respect whatsoever.

As for the talkers in the wedding, they probably don't know the people sitting around them, so they don't care if they bother them or not!

[KumaraKitty]

Exactly the same as all the Korean weddings I have been to. Shameful behaviour and that was why we chose NOT to have a ceremony here. We had a lovely family only wedding in Canada, and that was enough. The few weddings I have been to here were for the secretary of my first hagwon, a friends friend from church, my friends( a lovely K couple who were planning on moving to Canada but, oops, they got pregnant and had to have a quick wedding!After that the in-laws put their foot down and they had to stay in Korea.), my Hapkido master and my Korean/Canadian co-worker. The first 3 were horrid, so much noise, 3 other weddings going on at the same time, people on cell phones, people in blue jeans just coming for the food, etc.
The Hapkido master's wedding had an awesome performance by students from the National team in the middle, and he had to fight his way down the aisle against various other masters! It was so fun, and everyone was very respectful and quiet during the vows.
The Korean/Canadian's wedding was beautiful. Even though it was at a wedding hall, his father was the Minister and his local church group sang and played piano through out. Everyone was nicely dressed, phones were off and everyone was quiet. The buffet was delicious with plenty of seats but the poor newlyweds were not able to join until the buffet was being cleared away! We waited an hour to see and congratulate them, luckily their parents filled some plates for them but I was surprised at how quickly people ate and left and the food was cleaned up. Even the nice weddings here have an assembly line feel to them!