Korean Job Discussion Forums

uberscheisse · Joined: 02 Dec 2003 Location: japan is better than korea.

damn. sorry for the loss. at least you had a fairly long time to let it sink in. stay well.

SeoulShakin · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Location: Seoul

SeoulShakin · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Location: Seoul

chris_J2 · Joined: 17 Apr 2006 Location: From Brisbane, Au.

First off, my commiserations. I wouldn't bother going back, due to the debt problem, but I would send a long, comforting email to your grandad, & father. They may need some support after the funeral too, so keep in touch with them & the rest of the family too. Post funeral can be a lonely time for them.

kermo · Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 12:10 am Post subject:

Your letter hit home with me, as both of my grandfathers seem to be in a rocky state these days. I'm glad you're moving through the grief, and that you've had some proper support. I'm really sorry about what you're going through.

Living in a foreign country can be agonizing when relatives are not well. My mom visited for 10 days, and she was continually checking her email and lying awake worrying that her father would pass away while she was here. All I can do is see my grandfathers as often as I can, knowing that each time could be the last.

*edit*
(this info doesn't need to be public)

Would I feel awful if this guy passed away before I got a chance to see him again? I'm thinking no, but I might turn out to be wrong, and I might be depriving him of love he's entitled to.

Any thoughts?

SeoulShakin · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Location: Seoul

That sounds like a tough situation to be in Kermo. It's hard not to hold grudges against people who have hurt people you love.

My question is this, and perhaps it's too personal to answer online, but it's something you can think about. Has he ever done anything to you, personally, to deserve your lack of affection? While others may feel that he is undeserving, if he's never been anything but kind to you, why would you deny him that? Everyone has bad pasts, and perhaps he had turned a new leaf and sincerely tried to do things right with you. If it's your mother he hurt, and even she is saying you should make an effort to go see him, perhaps it's time to bite the bullet.

If you want to just see him and visit him before it's too late, that's a great thing to do. If his health isn't too bad, you could even try telling him how you felt torn about seeing him. See what happens.

I don't think it's fair to completely write someone off who hasn't done anything to deserve it. If your mom and aunt have had problems (no matter how personal) it's really up to them to confront those issues. It's not your burden. It's hard to not take that burden on, especially if you love them, but all you can do is offer your support and love.

I'm not sure if this helped. I'm not sure if I'm even right. But I think that's what would go through my head were I in that situation.

Best of luck.

kermo · Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 1:01 am Post subject:

SeoulShakin · Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Location: Seoul

Yeah that's a really tough place to be in.

Perhaps it could be a chance for you to talk to your mother/aunt about it, explain why you have mixed feelings, and take it from there?

My mother was adopted. She only has one or two memories from her biological parents, and one of them is of that nature. It's for that reason she has no desire to ever find her biological family. So I can (indirectly as it is) see where you would be torn.

I wish you the best.

teachergirltoo · Joined: 28 Oct 2006

I am very sorry for the loss of your grandma. Some of the supportive advice you have received here is excellent.

My grandmother also had Alzheimers which led to other problems. Just by chance, I was with her when she died a couple years ago and I understand now what is meant by the words that death is always harder on the living. Seeing her out of her pain and at peace, it seemed like a relief for her after she struggled so hard. I thought it might be scary but, she looked so serene I was happy that it was over for her. I know that this will be hard on you, but I hope as others have advised that you will concentrate on the wonderful memories you had with her when her mind and body were whole, and find strength in whatever faith you may adhere to for the future, or for those that have died.

Take good care of yourself.

crusher_of_heads · Posted: Tue Oct 16, 2007 4:10 am Post subject:

chris_J2 · Joined: 17 Apr 2006 Location: From Brisbane, Au.

Why not have two strawberry kiss smoothies? Or go to both places in Shinchon that sell them? OP: You owe it to yourself. You've had a harrowing week!

Woland · Joined: 10 May 2006 Location: Seoul

You have my sympathies, seoulshakin.

My father passed away last winter six months after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was fortunate enough to be able to make it home three times before he died and spend time with him, as well as being there at the end.

Before that, both my mother and oldest brother passed away while I was working in Turkey, my brother suddenly the day before I was to go on a planned vacation. I understand the difficulty of being away from people you love at those moments well.

You've received a lot of good advice here and appear to be keeping yourself up well. Give yourself the time and space you need to grieve. Know that it isn't a fixed thing, with deadlines or required rituals, but something eacch of us does on our own, in our own ways. Don't let anyone rush you or tell you how to feel. Do what you feel is best for you.