Korean Job Discussion Forums

[SuperFly]

To: Anyone that knows about Korean funeral customs, etc.

My VPs mother died yesterday. We are heading down to Busan tomorrow, but the funeral isn't till wens. I've been told that our team is going to be in the hospital all night.

I've prepared an envelope with 100K cash.

Any advice or info on what to expect, what to say, etc. would be helpful...Korean customs, greatly appreciated.

I could ask some of my team, but half of them already left to drive down today, and the other half are pretty busy right now. Lots of them are on the phone, so any info would be helpful...

thanks

[CeleryMan]

Cash is king. Good luck and my condolences to your VP.

[jjurabong]

Superfly,

It may differ based on if the family is Buddhist or Christian.

When my Korean father-in-law passed away, the whole thing was pretty intense. I can tell you about some of the things that I remember.( He was Buddhist.)

People do come and go all day and all night. Usually they come, pay respects to the deceased first , probably by bowing. There is a separate room for this, where the family stays and has an altar with the deceased's picture on it. Usually at the entrance to this room or nearby, there is a desk where you can drop your envelope of money.People generally only go to this room to bow. If the family is buddhist, ask a coworker how many times you should bow. I think it's 2 1/2 for the deceased. Chances are, you won't have to bow alone. Your coworkers will all bow together, and a senior worker will offer a drink to the deceased at the altar. After bowing, guests go get something to eat in a type of "dining room". After that, if you are sticking around, it will probably involve drinking, maybe some go-stop playing for the older men.

You probably already know this, but the men wearing a yellow armband are brothers and sons of the deceased. Women wearing a white hanbok are the wife, daughters and daughters in-law. - that is if they are Buddhist.

Honestly for me, I could see how exhausted my mother in law was, and thought it was barbaric to keep her up all night taking care of guests. Back home, we would want some privacy to deal with our grief. However, my husband explained to me that the visitors are there to comfort the famlly, and that not leaving them alone was meant to be supportive.


ANother thing that shocked me was how theatrical the expressions of grief were. Now, it may just be my husband's family, and I"m certainly not suggesting that the grief wasn't real, but we're talking hardcore wailing and keening. Back home, the family would try to keep it together in front of guests, but here it almost seems like the harder you grieve, and the more demonstrative you are, the greater the measure of your love for the deceased.

I don't think the equivalent of "I"m sorry" translates very well in Korean. Maybe some Korean speakers on the board can suggest a better phrase t say to the family. Mostly I just remeber people saying things about what a nice man my father in law was, and I don't remember a specific catch phrase that was repeated.

Hope this helps, and feel free to ask any specific questions..

[mindmetoo]

It's a little bizarre what kind of massive effort employees have to make when their boss dies. In North America, it would be entirely reasonable for a representative subset of the company to represent. In Korea, it's almost like careers are on the line if you don't show up.

[seoulsucker]

I agree on the wailing thing perhaps being a bit of over-the-top theatrics. A friend's grandfather died recently, and while attending the services, I saw several people enter the mourning area, scream like banshees for 30 seconds, stand up and walk out as though they just got a haircut.

I suppose it's a cultural thing, but I would prefer somber sincerity to the yodeling competition I witnessed.

Respects and condolences to the VP though...no question what he's going through is real and rough.

[HapKi]

-at some funerals you get on your knees and do several 5 point bows. this is traditional korean/buddist custom. if the deceased's family is Christian, a simple bow at the waist is better. follow the group in front of you. light a stick of incence if others are. turn and bow to the family, as they will be to the right of the portrait. you don't have to put on a show of grief.

-write your name on the envelope with the money. sign the guestbook.

[halfmanhalfbiscuit]

Don't get too drunk.

[SuperFly]

Thanks for your help guys/girls...


Edit:

1/2man1/2biuscuit, I thought you were kidding till I got a phone call this morning from a team member. He told me that I should be prepared to drink a lot. Interesting culture.