Korean Job Discussion Forums

IncognitoHFX · Joined: 06 May 2007 Location: Yeongtong, Suwon

Tell him everything, completely, including your concerns, and ask him what he wants to do. As long as he's completely aware, he can make informed decisions for himself without you feeling like you've dragged him into something unwillingly. Even though, with depression, I know that you'd feel like you've sucked his life away anyway. Its the nature of the thing.

If he loves you, though, and I mean really loves you, he'll love you right through to the other side. People say that I'm naive here all the time, but this is one thing I know from personal experience as I've witnessed it in someone very close to me for a long time.

SuperFly · Joined: 09 Jul 2003 Location: In the doghouse

I have a good book you could read if'n ya like.

It's called An Unquiet Mind, by Kay Redfield Jamison.

It's currently sitting on a pile of 11 or so books due to be traded in at WTB, but if'n yew be wantin' it, I could be droppin' it off fer yew.

kermo · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 4:03 pm Post subject:

Holy smokes! I'm so impressed by the sincerity, range and wisdom of the responses! Thanks so much.

Canuckistan, I love the idea of just getting away and hitting the pause button. Next week, he's going away for two weeks so I'll be able to work on the depression issue without having to worry about how it affects him. The beach will have to wait until January, but there might be a little weekend getaway coming up.

Superfly, some reading material would be most welcome. I'm going to look up some books on Amazon today re: recovering from the past but a fresh look at depression would be very interesting.

Samd, re: "being there for me." I really wish there was something he could do for me, but when that trapdoor opens and I'm down in the pit, there's nothing I need from him at all-- I just want to withdraw and be alone. He's tried to be there, to ask questions, to hug me, etc., etc., but although I appreciate it, I can't say it does any good.

Everybody else: Thank you. I have told him everything, and I do have to respect his autonomy. However, if I'm depressed, then I'm not happy with him, and I can't make him happy, so what's the point of continuing with the relationship? Then again, I shouldn't trust decisions I make when I'm in this state, and then more thinking happens... and yada yada yada.

I guess the bottom line is that I have to get this depression under control. It's his decision as to whether he wants to stay, and once I'm "well" again, I can get a better idea of whether I can be a good partner to him. Sucks to be him, doesn't it?

Dome Vans · Guest

Good thread Kermo, I'm not that surprised by the sincerity of the posters.

I'd ditto what others said about being upfront and it's good that it's out in the open. And understand about your feelings about how it might affect him if he wasn't aware of the depressions. A woman would always be able to tell a man about this but it is hardly ever the other way round. A man might appear weak if he was admit this to his partner, although she may have already been able to tell.

I had a girlfriend for five years had a lot to with this. I have my stubborn, very uncommunicative moments where you can't get me to do anything. I never used to talk with her about it, although she probably knew it. But she loved me for me not for any superficial reasons, moods et al. My brother has the same thing, his moods are classic, he finished with a girl after 9 years, as they slowly grew apart. He would never talk about it and that as he felt there was no problem and therefore didn't get fixed. That was him, take it or leave it. He's been dating a girl for 3 years now and she's fine with this. He doesn't need to be any other way with her.

No a particularly opinion from me. But if all the cards are laid out on the table and things get worked out then that can only make the relationship stronger. Most relationships and happiness fail because of this lack of fixing.

Keep thou pecker, up duck!

ceesgetdegrees · Joined: 12 Jul 2007

Wow...you got some balls to be putting your life out into cyber space like that. Do people you know in real life know your online persona? Didn't you post pictures of yourself? Might be advisable to keep a few things on the down low.

kermo · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 5:13 pm Post subject:

nancy123 · Joined: 23 Nov 2005

Kermo...I've had 3 major episodes in the last 8 years...and I can emphasize with your situation. I've come to realized that stress whether negative or positive triggers a relapse.
2 weeks on your own should see you feeling much better. If all else fails Lexapro is sold by the bucket over here.... Very Happy

Here's a decent site if your interested:
http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?[url]

Cheer up because it will get better!

Julius · Joined: 27 Jul 2006

Women don't usually approach relationships so logically.
If you had a gut attraction to this guy, you wouldn't be thinking about it nearly this much.
Maybe you're just not that into him, and your mind is trying to find logical excuses to back out?

On the other hand, that fact you are approaching a relationship logically, and have chosen a good man, bodes very well for your future. Many women who get swept away end up in sh*t later on because they were simply running on feelings. Leave the past where it belongs. Here is a new person and a new start. Just go for it.

Grimalkin · Joined: 22 May 2005

Kermo

I think it's important to remember that depression is a mental illness and in common with all mental illnesses it is impossible to be rational while you're in the throes of it. This is the worst possible time for you to make important decisions on your own. You need to hand over to a friend that knows you well and whose judgement you can trust or to a councellor.

I also wonder if you're misidentifying the problem and the real problem is this...

SuperFly · Joined: 09 Jul 2003 Location: In the doghouse

Kermo,

Want me to drop it off at WTB with your name on it? I'm sure Chiaa would hold it for you.

brento1138 · Joined: 17 Nov 2004

Hey, the new guy sounds like a good guy. Stick with him for longer, and just see how it goes. Put an effort in to be social with other people, and don't make your life "just seeing him."

And one more thing to consider. Maybe... look at this relationship as a battle between you and your ex. Your ex wins if he keeps you depressed, if your feelings remain the same. You win if you allow yourself to be free and do what you probably wanna do (be happy in this relationship).

I don't really know you, but hope for all the best luck to you!

cbclark4 · Joined: 20 Aug 2006 Location: Masan

First let me just say that you are a deserving person.

You deserve happiness.

You deserve a good meaningful relationship.

You deserve to be loved and you deserve to love.

You have purpose and are a wonderful human being.

Now that I have said that.

I want you to know that the human sexual orgasm
is the most powerful antidepressant I know of,
endorphins and all that.

Many women can fall into a funk over the contradiction of sex, the
humiliation, the cleanliness, the letting go or not letting go, the
submission, and in some cases the aggression.

(There's all that repressed psycho crap sex is the devil virgin is god.)

In the end, all my observation of the depressed female, I have never met
a depressed women that was achieving 3 orgasms each day.

So I recommend that you and your new found get busy, minimum 3 per
day for at least 2 weeks, if at the end of the 2 weeks you are still
depressed, let me know, it will be a first. On the other hand if it works
well say no more.

Good luck and much happiness.

twg · Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Location: Getting some fresh air...

netfriend · Joined: 07 Oct 2007

is he a gi? you haven't mentioned it... that makes a difference though, doesn't it?