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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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 Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Grimalkin wrote: |
Kermo
I think it's important to remember that depression is a mental illness and in common with all mental illnesses it is impossible to be rational while you're in the throes of it. This is the worst possible time for you to make important decisions on your own. You need to hand over to a friend that knows you well and whose judgement you can trust or to a councellor.
I also wonder if you're misidentifying the problem and the real problem is this...
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| ...The boyfriend is an absolute dream. He's ultra-considerate, hard-working, courageous, generous |
One of the unfortunate effects of depression is that it erodes the suffer's self-esteem. It could be that the more that you've come to realise the good qualities of your boyfriend the less worthy you've felt and this is why your depression has deepened. It may have reached the stage that it would be a relief to lose your boyfriend because inside you feel you don't deserve him.
If this is the case what you really need is professional help to build your self esteem otherwise all your life you may only feel deserving of a partner like your first husband. I think you need to get a true sense of your real worth. This can be done! (You are after all one of the most highly thought of posters on this forum...ask yourself why).
I hope I haven't said anything that might have upset or offended you but please consider what I've said and if ultimately you think it's garbage feel free to disregard it.
I hope it all works out well for you. |
Don't worry about offending me! All you did was ask me if I have a particular weakness, and then slather me with praise.
I agree with you about this being a bad time to make decisions, and have decided to put off worrying about it for a while, and focus on trying to make it work. If I can't, then there's my answer. If it gets better (either the depression, or the relationship) then my answer is easy as well.
Re: lowered self-esteem, I agree, it certainly does tend stalk the depressed. I think I have enough experience with this animal to recognize that my thoughts and behaviour while in this state are not representative of my real potential, and I know that as long as I'm doing my best, I can be proud of myself.
The overall awesomeness of the boyfriend represents an inspiring challenge. He shows me just how much can be accomplished in an afternoon and how far my generosity can be extended (he's constantly making the world a better place as a regular blood-donor and donating to worthy charities, etc.) At the same time, he's constantly reminding me of how highly he thinks of me, even when I'm a miserable wreck.
I used to be afraid, wondering how many of the old mistakes I would repeat, but so far this fellow and I have avoided a lot of pitfalls. I still worry sometimes, but there's lots of reason to be hopeful.
I've figured out a few tricks and put them to use this weekend-- so far I've managed to stave off the blues. I realize that I need a lot of variety in my life, so instead of the usual, the boyfriend and I went on a long walk last night down a path I'd never explored before. I also realize that long, unplanned stretches of time are boring and a bit distressing, so we've planned plenty of events. I have promised myself that if I start to get down, I'm going to seek out people I don't know very well (as you suggested brento1138) so I'll be prompted to smile and put on a good front-- the smiling convinces my body that I'm happy, and tends to help a lot.
Re: cbclark4 and his theory-- I'm sure my boyfriend would be thrilled to oblige. Depression does sometimes dampen my ability to feel any kind of pleasure, but it's a worthy endeavor. Lack of sex and depression might be a bit of a chicken-and-egg proposition, as one tends to encourage the other. Fortunately, I have no issues such as the ones you mentioned and will put some time and effort into this project.
Julius: believe me, I've mulled over your theory for quite some time.
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If you had a gut attraction to this guy, you wouldn't be thinking about it nearly this much.
Maybe you're just not that into him, and your mind is trying to find logical excuses to back out? |
Fortunately, I've finally discovered that it's possible to be "in love" with him. There were about two weeks of lovey-doveyness in October before the depression hit, and last night there was definitely a spark again, tempting me to say very mushy things.
Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to encourage and counsel me. It's been really helpful. |
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canuckistan
Mod Team
Joined: 17 Jun 2003
Location: Training future GS competitors.....
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing--Hellen Keller |
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igotthisguitar
Joined: 08 Apr 2003
Location: South Korea (Permanent Vacation)
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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DESIRE + DEPRESSION = Recipe for dysfunctional potentially co-dependant relationship.
Good luck. |
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Jizzo T. Clown
Joined: 27 Mar 2006
Location: at my wit's end
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 9:34 pm Post subject: |
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Last edited by Jizzo T. Clown on Fri Nov 02, 2007 9:49 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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twg
Joined: 02 Nov 2006
Location: Getting some fresh air...
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Shhh! Don't tell them the "sensitive guy" secret! |
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