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djsmnc
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe
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 Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 6:45 pm Post subject: Re: Need a guy's opinion about this |
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| eui.yun wrote: |
Just a warning that this is also a mini-rant.
I can't decide whether I should go on this trip to visit my guy friend in San Diego so I need some advice.
He's a friend that I've known for awhile but haven't seen very often because he moved around a bit but now he's settled down in San Diego in a 2-bedroom condo and has a g.f up in L.A. He's always told me to come visit him and offered to let me stay at his place and show me around the city and take me to all these great places... so naturally, I finally took up the offer since I make decent money now....
Last week I was chatting with him online to confirm the dates and he said that he's a little iffy about having me stay at his place b/c he hadn't been in close contact with his g.f and thought she'd get upset if she knew a girl was stayin at his place, so he said that he'd talk to her and get back to me. In translation, he's backing out of his word. (Well, in my opinion)
I e-mailed him tonight saying that I can't afford to spend money on a hotel on a trip where I'd only be hanging out with him and that if his g.f doesn't give him her blessing, I'm not coming. So he responded soon after that I should just come and that he'll just worry about her later.
Why even mention it in the first place if he could just deal with it later? That has tainted the trip for me and I'm wondering if I should even go. Seems like the only reason he said I should come is b/c he felt that I was giving him an ultimatum and he doesn't want to be mean. I want a guy's perspective on this... was he just blowing smoke up my butt when all this time, he was telling me to come visit & stay at his place? GAH I hate people who can't follow through with their words! |
He was controlled by his domineering mother for many years, his girlfriend has taken over that role, and you are like the consoling aunt that his sexually strained feelings were displaced to by his paternal mother. Since he had a fear of vaginal attachment brought on by his dysfunctional upbringing, he is probably interested in anal attachment with you, because he always felt that there was something he could exploit through his "nice aunt." That would involve displaced feelings of power through anal domination. He knows that you are willing to visit a man with a lover, so he knows that you will be willing to participate in lewd and more outlandish sex acts. If you visit, be prepared to dress up like an aunt who coddles the infant child cowering from his mother before being thrust upon unrepentanly.
If you have interest in psychotherapy, you could actually consider this as qualitative participant research...a case study of sorts. Be sure to take notes! |
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mountainous
Joined: 04 Sep 2007
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 2:19 am Post subject: |
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eui, I agree with the first couple of responses that you got....he basically wants some action (sex) from you and sought to negotiate with you.
He suggested that you stay at a hotel, you declined to accept that offer and he altered his offer. This is like a deal that he is trying to manipulate in his favor. Personally I would not spend the $$$ to fly to San Diego or LAX to see this deadbeat dude...sounds like a loser.
There are probably nicer guys for you right here on Dave's ESL. If you have not already done so, post a photo and profile of yourself right here in this thread and we can advise you further as to the best step to take next. I am taken but some of the other guys might be a match for you.  |
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Tiger Beer
Joined: 07 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 4:48 am Post subject: |
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| eui.yun wrote: |
haha thanks y'all for the honest info. I was inwardly denying that not ALL guys could be like that.... but I was wrong again gahhhh!!!!!  I truly have the worst luck with guys even those that I thought were friends! I seriously think I should just turn into a lesbian now. |
Wait, wait, wait.
It's true that the guy is probably interested.
But, nothing wrong with friendships with attractive people and still be friends. I have attractive female friends that I just enjoy their company and while I might be sexually interested, it doesn't mean I'd act on it.
That chemistry is a good feeling in general for anybody.
Regarding the situation with his girlfriend. So he has a girlfriend. He'd like to see you, show you San Diego, and just letting you know his situation.
Anyways, I'd go to San Diego and take him up on it. Just because you went, doesn't mean he's going to get laid, unless it's something you both wanted to do anyways. Sometimes its nice just having good relationships with someone you are attracted to, even if its only as friends.
There is the other thing that people have friends of the opposite sex, and have good chemistry with them, and like being around them. But they don't need to 'get laid' by them. |
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 6:26 am Post subject: |
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| Tiger Beer wrote: |
| eui.yun wrote: |
| haha thanks y'all for the honest info. I was inwardly denying that not ALL guys could be like that.... but I was wrong again gahhhh!!!!! I truly have the worst luck with guys even those that I thought were friends! I seriously think I should just turn into a lesbian now. |
Wait, wait, wait.
It's true that the guy is probably interested.
But, nothing wrong with friendships with attractive people and still be friends. I have attractive female friends that I just enjoy their company and while I might be sexually interested, it doesn't mean I'd act on it.
That chemistry is a good feeling in general for anybody.
Regarding the situation with his girlfriend. So he has a girlfriend. He'd like to see you, show you San Diego, and just letting you know his situation.
Anyways, I'd go to San Diego and take him up on it. Just because you went, doesn't mean he's going to get laid, unless it's something you both wanted to do anyways. Sometimes its nice just having good relationships with someone you are attracted to, even if its only as friends.
There is the other thing that people have friends of the opposite sex, and have good chemistry with them, and like being around them. But they don't need to 'get laid' by them. |
Well said. |
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pest2
Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 6:45 am Post subject: |
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| Qinella wrote: |
| Tiger Beer wrote: |
| eui.yun wrote: |
| haha thanks y'all for the honest info. I was inwardly denying that not ALL guys could be like that.... but I was wrong again gahhhh!!!!! I truly have the worst luck with guys even those that I thought were friends! I seriously think I should just turn into a lesbian now. |
Wait, wait, wait.
It's true that the guy is probably interested.
But, nothing wrong with friendships with attractive people and still be friends. I have attractive female friends that I just enjoy their company and while I might be sexually interested, it doesn't mean I'd act on it.
That chemistry is a good feeling in general for anybody.
Regarding the situation with his girlfriend. So he has a girlfriend. He'd like to see you, show you San Diego, and just letting you know his situation.
Anyways, I'd go to San Diego and take him up on it. Just because you went, doesn't mean he's going to get laid, unless it's something you both wanted to do anyways. Sometimes its nice just having good relationships with someone you are attracted to, even if its only as friends.
There is the other thing that people have friends of the opposite sex, and have good chemistry with them, and like being around them. But they don't need to 'get laid' by them. |
Well said. |
agreed... those friendships with women in which there's like a chemistry but nothing is happening are the best and most interesting kind... but in some situations theyre dangerous. |
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mateomiguel
Joined: 16 May 2005
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| Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 1:37 am Post subject: |
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| pest2 wrote: |
| agreed... those friendships with women in which there's like a chemistry but nothing is happening are the best and most interesting kind... but in some situations theyre dangerous. |
I think they're the best and most interesting kind precisely because they're the most dangerous.
eui.yun, there are probably tons of guys you know who want to sleep with you right now. You can't be scared of them all. Most of them are probably going to be complete gentlemen about the whole thing. Its not bad for someone to desire you, because you are desirable! (right?) |
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mountainous
Joined: 04 Sep 2007
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 1:42 am Post subject: |
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mateo, that is the question that i was trying to answer by asking the OP to post a photo...probably find her a few dates right here in this thread and maybe make a match?  You never know! |
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eui.yun
Joined: 31 Jul 2007
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| Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2007 3:42 am Post subject: |
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| haha I actually wouldn't mind meeting some new people.... but before showing a pic, I'd like to get to know ya via msn. Too many weirdos out here... PM if you want to chat ^^ |
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