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mercury
Joined: 05 Dec 2004
Location: Pusan
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 Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:45 am Post subject: THE CORE........ |
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As I read these I thought about so many conversations I had in Korea...
Signs of Insecurity
Defensiveness
Insecure people tend to be very sensitive to critique and respond with defensiveness. They aren�t comfortable enough with themselves to accept that they might be flawed.
A secure person can handle criticism. They�re open to hearing about ways they might improve. If they disagree with the criticism, they don�t try to argue because they�re happy with who they are.
They�re comfortable enough to be themselves, even if other people don�t like it. They realize that they can�t please everyone.
Self-Promoting
Insecure people tend to talk about themselves constantly, as if they feel like they have to prove themselves. Self-promotion is paramount to over-compensation for doubt.
A confident person doesn�t need to promote himself. His qualities are displayed naturally by the way he lives his life. Besides, he doesn�t need validation from anyone anyway.
HUB OF ASIA, SPARKLING, DYNAMIC KOREA. ETC.....
Overly Competitive
Competitiveness is part of a healthy emotional makeup, but over-competitiveness is a sign of a problem. Someone who can�t take losing by making a big emotional display lacks confidence.
A person who is secure with himself wins or loses with grace. Grace has a lot to do with respecting your opponent, and you can only do that if you are first comfortable with yourself.
Materialistic
A very dangerous coping mechanism for insecurity is buying things you can�t afford just to show off. We can all think of people with huge TV�s, fast cars, and every toy known to man; even though they don�t make much money. People like this tend to run up their credit cards and get themselves into big trouble.
A secure person doesn�t need to show off. He doesn�t care what other people think about his possessions. |
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renzobenzo1
Joined: 08 Sep 2007
Location: Suji, Yongin
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| Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:53 am Post subject: |
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shallow, ignorant, cold, disconcerting.
polite, generous, welcoming, outgoing. |
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Homer
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| Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:38 am Post subject: |
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Well Mercury thank you for being so honest with yourself.
Knowing that you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery.
You can get over being defensive and self-promotional when you talk with people. I am sure you can do it!
As for the overly-competitive and materialistic..well something for you to work on next I guess.
But, glad you are sharing your self-discovery with us here on Daves....
We are all behind you in this healing process..... |
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Hanson
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
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| Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:45 am Post subject: |
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| Homer wrote: |
Well Mercury thank you for being so honest with yourself.
Knowing that you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery.
You can get over being defensive and self-promotional when you talk with people. I am sure you can do it!
As for the overly-competitive and materialistic..well something for you to work on next I guess.
But, glad you are sharing your self-discovery with us here on Daves....
We are all behind you in this healing process..... |
He's got a point, Homer. |
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Homer
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| Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:02 am Post subject: |
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Yes Hanson, I am aware he has a point and amazingly enough he even has a reasonably valid point in his post.....but the issue here is what lies behind the post or the motivation behind posting this....the point is valid but why was it made?
Oh well... |
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Hanson
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
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| Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:14 am Post subject: |
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| Homer wrote: |
Yes Hanson, I am aware he has a point and amazingly enough he even has a reasonably valid point in his post.....but the issue here is what lies behind the post or the motivation behind posting this....the point is valid but why was it made?
Oh well... |
Frustration? Needed a release? Wanted to feel like he wasn't the only one? Human nature?
Take your pick.
Homer, I'm always amazed at how you can be so even-handed all the time. I moslty like living in Korea, but I have my moments, as I think most of us do. Yet, I've never seen you pick up an anti-Korea rant. The way you twisted what mercury was saying to make it reflect badly on him wasn't particularly understanding of what most of us go through from time to time.
Don't get me wrong, I often agree with your views, more aften than not, actually. But I think his post has merit and deserves discussion, not a put-down. |
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Homer
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| Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:56 am Post subject: |
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You are right Hanson.
The topic of his post does deserve discussion and is about something very real.
As for this:
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| Yet, I've never seen you pick up an anti-Korea rant. |
That is because rants, in general, are useless and often are used to disguise racism, prejudice or some other graver symptom....
We all have bad days here. No denying that. I have bad days like everyone else.
These bad days can be because of my mood, personal life or someother thing. Rarely are bad days because of Korea itself...in the past I thought they were but upon reflexion I saw beyond this. Thats just my take on things Hanson. |
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mercury
Joined: 05 Dec 2004
Location: Pusan
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| Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Homer wrote: |
You are right Hanson.
The topic of his post does deserve discussion and is about something very real.
As for this:
| Quote: |
| Yet, I've never seen you pick up an anti-Korea rant. |
That is because rants, in general, are useless and often are used to disguise racism, prejudice or some other graver symptom....
We all have bad days here. No denying that. I have bad days like everyone else.
These bad days can be because of my mood, personal life or someother thing. Rarely are bad days because of Korea itself...in the past I thought they were but upon reflexion I saw beyond this. Thats just my take on things Hanson. |
Homer..........
Defensiveness
Insecure people tend to be very sensitive to critique and respond with defensiveness. They aren�t comfortable enough with themselves to accept that they might be flawed.
A secure person can handle criticism. They�re open to hearing about ways they might improve. If they disagree with the criticism, they don�t try to argue because they�re happy with who they are.
They�re comfortable enough to be themselves, even if other people don�t like it. They realize that they can�t please everyone.
Homer, stop being so defensive. What is the 'core' of your defensiveness anyways? Maybe because you have roots here and that makes you feel like I put you down. Well....
I think I hit the hammer on the nail, and this explains a lot of the behavior that so many visitors to Korea have complained about. How else would you explain the KOREA FIGHTING, or HUB OF ASIA, or DYNAMIC KOREA,,or the 'KOREA HAS FOUR SEASONS' or KIMCHI STOPS CANCER or the crying supporters of the stem cell freak, or the crying and anger during the world cup, or the OHNO incident, the protests against Japan, agains the IMF, against the FREE TRADE, cutting off fingers, pulling pigs apart, burning flags etc.etc. AND etc.
Homer, cheer up, open your eyes, and stop being blind. |
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Homer
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| Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 4:21 am Post subject: |
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Ok Mercury but only if you stop trying to pretend you don't look down on country and culture you never bothered to try and understand and if you stop trying to pretend you are looking for discussion when really you just want to bash...
Fair enough? |
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mercury
Joined: 05 Dec 2004
Location: Pusan
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| Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 4:44 am Post subject: |
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| Homer wrote: |
Ok Mercury but only if you stop trying to pretend you don't look down on country and culture you never bothered to try and understand and if you stop trying to pretend you are looking for discussion when really you just want to bash...
Fair enough? |
But I am trying to understand why they do what they do, say what they say, maybe it looks like bashing but that is your interpretation. I call it research. I did not give up on Korea. My wife has Korean friends that we entertain. I still have Korean friends that I keep in contact with.
I think that you are too afraid to take the journey, into the core of the Korean soul. Maybe you are afraid of what you might find?
Here is a little example of what I am talking about.....
Why do they say DYNAMIC KOREA? Italy would never say it. Neither would the French. What about Canada, DYNAMIC CANADA??? Why do they think that Hines Ward and Dennis Henny are cool, but despise orphans that have mixed blood? (this was from Hines Ward's speech)
Why do they go around in groups at the Pattaya mall, why do they spit so much, etc..etc..etc...
I think that since you are married to a Korean, you should honestly get to know them as well. When you scratch the gilded surface, what do you find? You know, it might just help you gain some insight. |
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Gunther
Joined: 01 Sep 2007
Location: opposingdigits.com
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| Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 5:03 am Post subject: |
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| Had something to say... but this thread has shit'e all over it now!!! |
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Homer
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| Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 5:06 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| I think that you are too afraid to take the journey, into the core of the Korean soul. Maybe you are afraid of what you might find? |
Not really no.
But you are taking that journey with your mind already made up as to what you will find...which makes it rather empty and pointless in my view. |
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