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The 2007 Joke Thread
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Underwaterbob



Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Location: In Cognito

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 8:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?


Not being retarded.
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Wangja



Joined: 17 May 2004
Location: Seoul, Yongsan

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 12:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have been away for a few weeks on business, Germany, France, Azerbaijan, Germany and still punch-drunk - so if this has already been up, sorry ...

Wouldn't you know it...? Damn. I piled into the back end of the car in front of me this morning.

I knew right then and there that it was going to be a really bad day.

The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it - He was a dwarf!!

He looked up at me and said, "I am Not Happy."

So I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
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Pak Yu Man



Joined: 02 Jun 2005
Location: The Ida galaxy

PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2007 6:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

So a jewish guys sits down next to a Korean on a plane. The flight starts and for the next hour the jew stares at the asian guy and seems pissed off.
Another hour later and the Jew says to the Korean. "I hate you guys! I can't believe what you fuking Chinese did to us Americans at Pearl Harbour!"

The Korean is thinking WTF. "Uh sir, it was the Japanese that bombed Pearl harbour...and I am Korean!"

"Japanese, Chinese Korean! Same shiat to me!" says the Jew.

So the Korean is right pissed. After about an hour he can't take anymore and yells at the Jew.

"You know what you fuking Jew? I can't believe what you fukers did to the Titanic!"

"huh? What did the Jews have to do with that?"

"Bloomburg, Goldberg Iceberg It's all the same to me"
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karma police



Joined: 01 Sep 2007
Location: all roads lead to where you are...

PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 6:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Damn Tractor

A farmer has three sons.

One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car.

His father says,

"Son, come with me."

He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says,

"That tractor is needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."

The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said,

"Okay, Dad."

A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle.

Well, he gets the same excuse . . .

"As soon as that tractor is paid for . . .�

Shortly, a few days later, son number 3, his youngest, comes bugging him for a tricycle.

Again, 'ol Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first.

While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster smooth off the hens back, mumbling to himself the whole time.

His dad says,

"Son, why on earth would you do something like that?

He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"

The little boy looks Dad right square in the eye and says,

"Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that damn tractor is paid for." Laughing
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Underwaterbob



Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Location: In Cognito

PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 4:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are two Newfies sitting in a restaurant when a man at a table next to them starts choking on his food.

One of the the Newfies quickly stands up and drops his pants. The other starts frantically licking his butt.

In a panic the waiter comes over and says, "What the hell are you doing?"

They promptly reply, "The hind-lick maneuver."
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Wangja



Joined: 17 May 2004
Location: Seoul, Yongsan

PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2007 5:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Australian immigration policy?

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SuperFly



Joined: 09 Jul 2003
Location: In the doghouse

PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2007 12:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good stuff Wangja!


Greek Divorce

The Greek father calls his son a couple of days before Christmas and says, "Niko, I hate to ruin your day, but I must tell you that your mother and I are divorcing - forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Mba mba, what are you talking about?" Niko screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, We're sick of
each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister Toula and let her know."

Frantic, the son calls Toula, who explodes on the phone."No way are my loving parents getting divorced!" she shouts.

She calls Dad immediately and screams - - "Patera, you are not getting divorced! Don't do anything until we get there. I'm calling Niko back and we'll be there tomorrow. Do you hear me?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "OK,"
he says,"they're coming home for Christmas and paying their own way.
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Wangja



Joined: 17 May 2004
Location: Seoul, Yongsan

PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2007 6:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great pub signs of London ......

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Sleepy in Seoul



Joined: 15 May 2004
Location: Going in ever decreasing circles until I eventually disappear up my own fundament - in NZ

PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 4:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Harry went to the Inland Revenue for a job interview.

The interviewer looked at his CV and asked him, "Have you worked for the government before?"

"Yes, I served for eight years in the army."

"Good, that counts in your favour. Do you have any disabilities?"

"I am 80% disabled. A mortar round blew off my *beep* so they declared me disabled. But it doesn't affect my ability to work."

"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have good news for you. I can hire you immediately. Our working hours are 8.00 to 4.00. Come on in about 10 tomorrow, and we'll get you started."

"If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"

"This is a government department. We don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point you coming in for that."
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BreakfastInBed



Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Location: Gyeonggi do

PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've got a new girlfriend. She's a midget.
I'm nuts over her.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

And an oldie for my neighbors to the north:
How did Canada get its name?
They threw all the letters of the alphabet into a hat and had a drawing.
"C, eh. N, eh. D, eh."
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Underwaterbob



Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Location: In Cognito

PostPosted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?


They're both made of plastic and harmful to small children.
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Wangja



Joined: 17 May 2004
Location: Seoul, Yongsan

PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tampax have replaced the little piece of string with tinsel.












Its only for the Christmas period though
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Drunken Monkey



Joined: 17 Jan 2007

PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 7:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do the England football team and Louis Hamilton have in common?
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They have both been f**ked over by Mclaren.
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SuperFly



Joined: 09 Jul 2003
Location: In the doghouse

PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

After a long day of diplomacy at the White House, Bill Clinton goes to relieve himself. He finds himself standing next to Jesse Jackson in the restroom. Bill can't help himself and he sneaks a peek at Jesse's pee-pee.

"Why, my oh my, brother Jesse, how did you get it so big?", Bill asked.

"Well, Billy, every night before I get into bed, I smack it on the bedpost three times." Jesse replied.

Bill figures that he'd give it try. Later that evening as Bill was getting ready for bed, he entered the dark bedroom as not to disturb Hillary. Just before he got into bed, he pulled out his pee-pee and smacked the bedpost three times. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!

From out of the darkness he hears, "Jesse? Is that you?"
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The_Eyeball_Kid



Joined: 20 Jun 2007

PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What's the difference between Pope John Paul II and Madeleine McCann?

Ah,...

(I'm afraid I can't bring myself to type in the punchline.)
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