Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Yankster]

Hi, I am really pissed off tonight. It is a Friday night and i should be enjoying my hard earned weekend, but no, all I can think of is how a female teacher at my hagwon got pissed off at me,cut me off when I was talking calmly to her and argued with me.
This is how it happened.
Two days ago, I was really busy cleaning up after my 6 year olds. Cleaning up the mess etc. There is this fat female teacher. She saw me as I walked past her and gave me a very exaggerated "Hello, good afternoon." By using such an exaggerated gesture and tone, she was demanding a greeting from me. She was calling me on the fact that I didnt greet her first. But why should I?! I dont have to answer to her. She is a fellow teacher.

Later I told her very nicely that she shouldnt demand a greeting from anyone. But that I was sorry for not saying hello and that from now on I would always greet her properly. She said she hadnt been demanding a greeting and that I had misunderstood her.

So for the past two days in the morning when I see her and before I leave, I have been bowing 90 degrees and saying hello or goodbye.

Well, today she got pissed and didnt bother replying when I bowed and said hello. So I asked her if everything was okay. She started using an annoyed tone of voice at me saying I was joking with her. I asked her what she was on about and that I was trying to be polite as I had promised to say a proper greeting everytime I saw her. But, she cut me off as I was trying to explain and started raising her voice and started arguing with me, although I was trying to be reasonable. At this point the head guy came in and asked me something. She huffed and stormed off., so I didnt have a chance to finish with her.

I am pissed off that she cut me off and used that annoyed tone with me, when I was being very calm in my tone. Who does she think she is?!
If this was not a place of work I would have gone off on her, but I didnt. Yet, she did. I feel this is outrageous. I explained this to the head guy who had walked in during the argument, but he dismissed my complaints saying it was all a misunderstanding.
What do you recommend?

I really want to confront her on it on Monday, and she can argue with me again if she wants. This time I wont worry about being professional. If she isn't going to show me any respect and show the work place any respect, then why should I? And since the headguy didnt care to address my complaints, I feel I should take things into my own hands. At any rate, I had previously told them I was quitting next Friday. Not because of this, but for other reasons.
What would you do? Am I being too sensitive? I feel I need to get this off my chest and have an argument with her.

[Snowmeow]

I recommend a movie and a tasty treat. Forget about it. Bring a little box of donut balls (Timbits, or whatever) and offer her some on Monday. The end.

[yingwenlaoshi]

It's all just a misunderstanding.

Reading your post, it's pretty obvious you're freaking out over a whole lot of nothing.

[PGF]

!sd

[Yankster]

[RJjr]

I know what you mean, OP.

I'm sort of a quiet type and not bubbly myself. There's one Korean female teacher that got upset at me for not saying hi to her first, but I really did try hard to be polite and nice to her in general.

One night home, a bunch of us foreign teachers were walking home and the rest were saying she was a lesbian, because she had said she hates men. I don't care if she is or not, but since I don't think she is a lesbian, I told the other teachers that. I explained that one of my buddies in America was always saying that women were the C word, but he had slept with so many. They just kept on about how she's gay and they said that I just like to think I have a chance with any woman.

Her desk was right beside of mine at work and it made me kind of sad when she was nice to them and was angry at me.

[Jellypah]

[Atavistic]

Yes, you're being too sensitive.

[tigerbluekitty]

By chance was she gyopo?

I just got yelled at by an angry psycho bitch when I did nothing wrong. What a nutjob.

[Yankster]

[elynnor]

OP, why are you really feeling angry? Is it because you think she's given you signals that she thinks she's better than you? If you try to understand what's really upsetting you, you'll feel a lot better than if you tell her off.

If you think she was (wrongly) annoyed at you, keep in mind that whatever she was annoyed at, it's her issue. Not yours. HER problem. Maybe she was angry at you, maybe she misunderstood, maybe her cat just died, maybe she thinks everyone makes fun of her because she's fat. Who knows. It doesn't matter anyway, because it's not your problem.

I tend to be blunt and rude on an all-too-regular basis myself. Sometimes I don't realize how I'm being or how others will perceive me until it's too late, sometimes I have a hard time dealing with things objectively, sometimes I'm just hormonal and b!tchy. But I try to apologize whenever I realize that I've hurt someone because there's no good reason for anyone (including myself) to sit around feeling like crap on a Friday night.

My advice: first apologize if you made her feel annoyed or uncomfortable or if she didn't understand you were joking around with the whole bowing thing. Then tell her in a polite, non-blaming, matter-of-fact way that you didn't appreciate her tone and you hope you can both work in a professional, respectful environment. I think apologizing, even though you don't owe her an apology, can do a lot to defuse (is that the right word?) the situation. It will certainly help to break down walls so both of you have the opportunity to communicate in a positive, professional way whatever feelings are festering up and making the situation worse.

I think you're taking this personally, and it seems unnecessary in this situation. Anyway, good luck.

[Yankster]

[Vicissitude]

I don't think you should have bowed to her as your coworker. Korean coworkers don't usually bow to one another when they are on an equal basis. She probably thought you were being an insincere patronizing jerk. I'm sure of it.

[bellum99]

Just talk to her when she speaks to you but otherwise leave her alone. The whole 'We are white and we have to speak everytime a white person is there ' attitude bothers me. Sometimes I don't want to speak. I am polite but I don't run around saying "hi" like a Korean.
The best you can hope for is a cool but reasonable relationship with her..she already hates you.

[porcupine]

hmm...you know, I always get pointers from my mom because according to her, I don't go and bow to the elders first. The younger person always has to say hello first and you always do it right infront of the person, not from far away. Even if you are on an equal standing with your colleague, I think she expects you to be the "younger" one and be the [u]first[/u] one to bow and acknowledge her presence. I don't like bowing at all.
Either she wants your attention or she's stressed out about something else.