Korean Job Discussion Forums

[FistFace]

In a bit of a difficult spot here.

I'm a Christian. My girlfriend is Korean, and not. Despite this, she has shown an interest in learning about my faith, and has been voluntarily attending church with me on Sundays. We'll be marrying next month. She is from a semi-conservative Korean family, and is a very honest, dedicated, and moral person. Her family has no religion.

We've been hitting the subway for about an hour to get to one of the few English-speaking churches I know. Unfortunately, I'm not overly comfortable there. I have tried several churches, and this is the closest to my church back home, but it's still a little different. She hasn't said anything (probably for my benefit) about not liking the church, but I have a feeling she is not thrilled with it either. I am from a conservative church-style background. I don't like the fundamentalist "full life" church worship situations, or feel comfortable with churches that are evangelical to the point of annoyance. In the conservative churches I've attended, the pastors are deified and almost treated like a god here (this happens back home sometimes and I avoided such churches there, too). I am disgusted by this as well. These problems seem to rule out most English-speaking churches I've found.

Because I am a Christian, I would like a Christian pastor to marry us next month. The pastor must also be bilingual, because I don't want to face the fear of looking like a fool and not understanding what is going on at my own wedding. My future wife is happy with all of this. Unfortunately, the pastor we had from our current church pulled-out a month before the wedding due to a prior obligation recently rescheduled by the church. He found another bilingual pastor from the same church to do the wedding for us, but I didn't get a comfortable feeling about the new guy. To put it into context, I get the feeling that the pastor is overly concerned about the fact that I'm a Christian and she's not. He wants to meet with us in a few weeks, which is fine, but that puts us pretty close to the wedding date. I feel as if he is going to scare my future bride away from Christianity all together when he drills her with 20 questions about how hard it is for a Christian and a non-Christian to succeed in marriage, let alone an international couple dealing with the same issues. The way he showed concern in his voice on the phone when I told him she wasn't a Christian makes me feel he's going to launch into this sort of thing (I've heard that sort of �humm� from Christians before, and I know where it leads). I have never felt comfortable with putting someone on the spot to "choose now" when making a decision about becoming a Christian. I would rather my future wife make her own informed decision than feel "pushed."

Our wedding hall will provide a pastor for a fee of 100,000 won, but not an English-speaking one.

Finding an English-speaking church in Korea is difficult. Finding a church that isn't "a little weird" compared to back home is even more so. To me, "a little weird" is really hard to describe. Maybe part of it is the almost blindly obsessive way some Koreans approach things (religion or otherwise), or their odd sense of being conservative in a bullheadedly tactless sort of way. Not everyone is this way. Just some people. Enough of them are this way in just about every church setting I've been to that I never felt comfortable.

Because my future wife is Korean, I fear that when we meet him, the pastor will say things to her in Korean that I won't be able to understand which could upset her. Without me being able to defend what "I" believe, as opposed to what this Korean pastor might say, I feel she might take it negatively, and reject Christianity all together. I know how my future wife thinks, and if someone lays a thick line of fire/brimstone pith-helmet evangelism on her, she's going to find it very hard to deal with. She and I both find that sort of Christianity somewhat disgusting.

We're a month away from our wedding, and I really didn't think this type of problem would be one I'd be worrying about. Do any of you know of any English-speaking churches near Hyewha that we might try?

Thanks.

[RACETRAITOR]

Good one you for marrying someone outside your superstition. I've had a lot of bad luck in the past meeting Christian girls who decided I wasn't good enough to marry because I didn't believe in an old man sitting up on a cloud.

As for finding a minister who won't call your wife a hoer of Babylon at your wedding, your best bet might be to look for a chaplain in the US military.

[FistFace]

Well, we would both feel more comfortable with the pastor being Korean, being that 95% of those in attendance will be Korean.

Maybe I should give some more background on the type of churches I've found here.


First, at a few more conservative churches I've attended, the pastor was almost looked to as a god-figure. This made me very uncomfortable. It was probably a good experience for me to see that, because it made me realize even more how much Americans can do the same thing. These conservative-style churches are also quite boring for me. The hymns are old, and even worse, in Korean.

Second, at the other far end of the spectrum are the full-life gospel fundamentalist-types. I've attended this kind of church back home, however Koreans seem to take it to the next level. When I attended a church like this back home (for about a year), I left because I began to realize that although there were some really great people in these churches, a large percentage of others were suffering from some very serious psychological/social problems. I'm glad God can help them with this, but surrounding myself in an atmosphere of it every Sunday seemed to drag me down over time. There were also those in attendance who, like wolves, prey (as in animal prey) on such people, in a way. I�m not sure this is the best kind of atmosphere for my future family. I found my entire social life began to circulate around people from that church, and that I was being separated from the rest of the world merely by the social circles I became a part of. I left that church setting due to a variety of circumstances, and I am somewhat glad I did.

I see this type of church here in Korea. For example, I have a coworker who is such a devout Christian that he has no time for social activities outside of his church. Jesus always had time for other no of his group -- It bugs me when people from church form their own little social group, not unlike a cult, which you have to "join" to become a member of.

Third, there is the type of church I'm attending today. It's a more of a mainline church which has adapted with newer music and a more modern worship style. Generally I like it, and it's all in English, but they spend a full 30+ minutes standing and singing for the service, and it's a bit overwhelming. The pastor's message is good some days, and blah on others. Kind of typical in that respect.

Due to my previous fundamentalist church experience, I'm not comfortable with 30 minutes of signing/praise worship because I see it as being relied-on to induce some form of transcendental experience people start claiming is �the holy spirit.� In short, this seems to act almost like a drug that draws them closer to each other and their lifestyle in an addictive manner. This spiritual addiction seems to be effective at drawing new members, but often they are people who are under serious distress in everyday life. I would rather attend a church with a more intellectual atmosphere where people didn't rely on singing/chanting songs like mantras, as if they were some kind of spiritual drug. Singing and worshiping this way is fine, but it also goes too far, in my opinion, when it becomes like a rock concert.

Well, enough thoughts for now.

[RACETRAITOR]

Then how about a Catholic priest? They seem on average less judgemental in this country.

[Scotticus]

I can't believe you're having trouble finding an English-speaking pastor. Back when I had a few "churchie" Korean friends, I couldn't meet one without being invited to their "English" services. You might want to try some of the "non-Korean" heavy areas of Seoul, like Yongsan and Yeunhee-dong (near Seoul Foreign School).

[JustJohn]

I think your 2nd pastor is probably a smart guy. I've seen people in cross-faith relationships, and if either party is really serious about their faith it's very difficult. If you really believe in Christianity, isn't it a little tough to think that the person you want to share the rest of your life with is going to be separated from you suffering eternal torture in another 60 years?

I don't mean to come off as insensitive or judgmental here, just want to make sure you've thought everything through for your sake. How serious of a Christian are you? How open do you think she is?

[Pyongshin Sangja]

[bassexpander]

[xingyiman]

[RACETRAITOR]

The guy never said he's a fundamentalist.

[Woden]

True. I feel that if these two marry, and she becomes a Christian, it is humanity's loss. It seriously makes me sad. One less enquiring mind.

[Mr Crowley]

I live in Suwon and go to Suwon Central Baptist Church. It is not far from Suwon subway station. Here is the website
(it is in Korean though) http://central.or.kr/

[Letiz7]

[Scotticus]