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When Someone Dies... Korean Culture

 
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ABC KID



Joined: 14 Sep 2007

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:11 pm    Post subject: When Someone Dies... Korean Culture Reply with quote

As some of you will be aware, when a colleague's parent or other immediate family member dies in Korea it is the custom for everyone to gather together and go to the colleagues house (on the day the person dies) to offer their support and condolences. This gathering can last for hours, well into the morning. There doesn't seem to be any private grief in the immediate period after the death.

The above paragraph seems to be the Korean way of doing things. Back in the UK most people just want to be left alone to grieve privately (Presumably the same in US, Canada, NZ etc). Personally I wouldn't want my Korean colleagues swarming around me if the worst happened whilst I was in Korea.

So what do people thing about the Korean way of doing things?
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pkang0202



Joined: 09 Mar 2007

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It just shows the difference in culture. Collectivist versus Individualist.

For me, I'm a social person. I like being around my friends, family and loved ones. If someone close to me died, I think I would get a lot of comfort being around people.
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spliff



Joined: 19 Jan 2004
Location: Khon Kaen, Thailand

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In Thailand it's a three day 24hr affair. Killing cows and pigs and Cooking for the masses morning and night, Monks visit twice a day, chanting, gambling all night. Many don't get very much sleep if any during this period. The last night should cumulate in a good Maw Lam concert. Oh, and plenty of whiskey and beer always!
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endo



Joined: 14 Mar 2004
Location: Seoul...my home

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pkang0202 wrote:
It just shows the difference in culture. Collectivist versus Individualist.

For me, I'm a social person. I like being around my friends, family and loved ones. If someone close to me died, I think I would get a lot of comfort being around people.


I don't know about that.

Whenever someone in my family died back home the family would always get together.
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VanIslander



Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 7:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

to prevent the depths of despair and grief-stricken rash rush to suicide?

nothing like a good 'ol Irish wake Very Happy

though having a ceremony in a funeral home at a set time is like telling people NOT to come around beforehand, provides personal space for the family
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Yaya



Joined: 25 Feb 2003
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 8:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

They say that in Korea, it's much worse to miss a funeral than a wedding.
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dogbert



Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: Killbox 90210

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pkang0202 wrote:
It just shows the difference in culture. Collectivist versus Individualist.


In context, Koreans behave extremely individualistically.

Not sure about hyphenated Americans, but WASPs in the U.S. typically have a funeral, which is a social gathering and in addition, shifts of relatives and friends bring home cooked food to the home of the bereaved and spend time visiting and comforting them.
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Newbie



Joined: 07 Feb 2003

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 8:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wouldn't really want to see any of my colleagues, but I'd expect my friends and family to be there boozing it up with me.

And the Korean tradition of giving money at a funeral... well, i don't want to knock their traditions so I ain't gonna attack it, but I just cannot wrap my head around that one. Definitely one cultural difference I find strange and don't see becoming part of my repetoir.
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RACETRAITOR



Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2008 9:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been to two funerals in the past couple months, both in-laws that my wife cared for. On both occasions the wake was held in a room in the hospital. Also, there was free liquor. At the first one, for my 96-year-old grandmother-in-law, I was enlisted to count all the money brought by guests. It was enough to put down key money on a nice apartment. We had to keep accurate track of who gave what so we'd know how much to give back when they died.

To be honest, aside from the whole mourning thing, I appreciated Korean funeral traditions. They're much more traditional than Korean weddings, and not quite as shallow. Plus, I can't mention enough they had an open bar at both.
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MarionG



Joined: 14 Sep 2006

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 3:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I live right next to the funeral hall associated with a large hospital, the chong rey chic jhong...(can't type in Hangul here) It is not in the basement, but is a separate, but mostly attached building...mostly attached to the hospital that is.

It's my understanding that when someone is close to death, the family is called so that they may take the person home to die. Then the funeral is held in the person's home, which is much preferred. However, it's considered bad luck to bring a body into a house, so the funeral halls are for those people who die suddenly in the hospital.

I'm not offended at all by giving money at the funeral, and I hardly think that money over an above the cost of the funeral is "profit!" The death of someone is hardly a business venture. Many may be need of funds after the death of their spouse, so some extra cash is not out of place.
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bluelake



Joined: 01 Dec 2005

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 3:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yaya wrote:
They say that in Korea, it's much worse to miss a funeral than a wedding.


Unless they are your own...
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RACETRAITOR



Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MarionG wrote:
I live right next to the funeral hall associated with a large hospital, the chong rey chic jhong...(can't type in Hangul here) It is not in the basement, but is a separate, but mostly attached building...mostly attached to the hospital that is.


Of the two funeral homes I've been to, both were in the basement, one in the basement of the hospital and the other in the basement of a separate building.

MarionG wrote:

It's my understanding that when someone is close to death, the family is called so that they may take the person home to die. Then the funeral is held in the person's home, which is much preferred. However, it's considered bad luck to bring a body into a house, so the funeral halls are for those people who die suddenly in the hospital.


The main reason that most funerals are held in hospitals is for convenience of the family. Back before there were funeral homes, wakes basically turned into a big two-day drinking binge and all the mourners stayed the whole time, placing a great burden on the family.

MarionG wrote:

I'm not offended at all by giving money at the funeral, and I hardly think that money over an above the cost of the funeral is "profit!" The death of someone is hardly a business venture. Many may be need of funds after the death of their spouse, so some extra cash is not out of place.


Nobody considers the money to be profit. They see it as "Well I'll have to give it all back eventually." But over your entire life, you're not going to spend $100 000 on funerals.

The money from my grandmother-in-law's funeral went to pay for leukemia treatments for my cousin-in-law. It didn't work, and I'm not sure where the money from his funeral went.
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IncognitoHFX



Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2008 5:41 pm    Post subject: Re: When Someone Dies... Korean Culture Reply with quote

ABC KID wrote:

So what do people thing about the Korean way of doing things?


I heard of a Korean "friend of a friend" dying a few weeks ago. I'll spare details for privacy reasons, but it seems like those involved, even those who didn't know the guy very well, went to view him in the hospital and wept for two straight days with the family. Even people who weren't that close to him wept.

Individual vs. collectivist culture indeed.
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