Korean Job Discussion Forums

Sleepy in Seoul · Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 1:10 pm Post subject:

You are given a dollar for every time a hot assed, great looking American chick comes onto your handsome ass, but 'super-wealthy' is a very subjective term. Your ass is 'Donkey' from Shrek and so annoys everyone that no 'hot-assed chicks' will climb aboard. Donkey, however, is very happy because he has hardly been ridden at all, and your bank account has increased by 50 cents, but only after a blind and deaf chick accidentally bumped into him... but that is 50 cents more than you have ever had before, so you are overjoyed! Donkey is so full of beans because of having had almost no exercise that he runs away and your dreams of eventually making it to one whole dollar are dashed forever.

I wish that the All Blacks had won the Rugby World Cup.

Czarjorge · Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 3:06 pm Post subject:

They do. On the flight home everyone gets a drunk and a fight breaks out. The commotion distracts the pilot who loses control of the plane. It crashes in the mountains, but most of the team survives. After 12 days they begin to hunger for flesh, hilarity ensues.

I wish I was king.

blurgalurgalurga · Joined: 18 Oct 2007

You are king, Caesar Jorge, but the Republicans get uppity, saying "Hey! I thought we decided to not do 'kings' any more" and shank you about eighty times--even your little buddy Brutus gets in on the action.

I wish I could buy the world a Coke, and teach them all to sing, in perfect harmony.

Privateer · Joined: 31 Aug 2005 Location: Easy Street.

blurgalurgalurga · Joined: 18 Oct 2007

You go to sleep old, and wake up 25. Huzzah! But wait--there is a new, universal draft suddenly in place, and all under the age of 26 are ordered to report for duty. Your assignment is 'latrine polisher, third class,' in Baghdad. You emerge from your work pit one day, covered in poo and swathed in browned toilet tissue, and some egregiously rednecked sunstroked GI on meth says 'gawrshk! it's an ay-ul Kaaida, sawrge!' and shoots you in the brain. You fall back dead into the poo-pit and are never found, and get listed as AWOL, and they send your family the bill for your unpaid commissary tab.

I wish I could swim like 'the Man From Atlantis.'

Underwaterbob · Joined: 08 Jan 2005 Location: In Cognito

You can swim like the man from Atlantis, but the world, fearing your newfound power, forces you to live out the rest of your days in the middle of the Gobi Desert.

I wish for the ability to speak every language perfectly.

blurgalurgalurga · Joined: 18 Oct 2007

You speak every language perfectly. The language of the rocks, the trees, the fish, the birds, the clouds...and of course people. Sadly, though, everywhere you go, you hear the same stupid conversations and comments, again and again.
"Good morning, Mr. Squirrel!" says the tree.
"Good morning, Mrs. Tree!" says the squirrel. "How about this weather, huh?"
"Heh, heh. Yup, I'll say. It suuure is weather, all right. Oh, look! It's young Ms. Rabbit. Hullo, young Ms. Rabbit!"
"Helloo...hey, how about them Giants, huh? What a catch that dude made!"
"Yup."
"Yup."
"Yup..." and so on.
A simple walk to the corner store becomes sheer agony for you, and you lock yourself into your house, away from everything, but you can still hear the moon and stars yammering away at each other--"Goodnight, Moon!"
"Good night, Alpha Centauri! Good night, Binary System AJ-4628! Good night, Comet Hale-Bopp!"
The only solution is perform a trepan on yourself with your black and decker drill press. Sorry, Bob, that's what you get for putting me in the Gobi.

I wish I still had my old comic book collection.

yawarakaijin · Joined: 08 Aug 2006

Czarjorge · Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 1:37 am Post subject:

I wish yawarakaijin knew how to play the game.

karma police · Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 3:45 am Post subject:

blurgalurgalurga · Joined: 18 Oct 2007

Thy Will Be Done:
You are watching another re-run of survivor, bummed that it's a rerun, and go to grab a beer from the fridge. Unfortunately it's contaminated with some nasty botulism variant that gives you the brainrot real bad; your long term memory leaks out your ears, and forever after, you can't remember anything that happened more than an hour ago.
Every time you sit down to watch TV you are amazed--"wow! What a great show! What's it called? 'Survivor?' Wow, what a great idea! Gee, what happens next?"
Your loved ones plop you in a chair with a DVD of 'Survivor' season one on endless repeat, and you gibber away happily at it 'til the end of your days.

I wish that old weird guy hadn't burnt up poor Namdaemun.

karma police · Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:23 am Post subject:

KoreanAmbition · Joined: 03 Feb 2008

Love is a biatch, but the rewards are worth the agony. In the end you find someone that you truly want to be with (no matter what) and all the hard times through the previous years make the newfound chemistry 1000 times better than you'd ever imagined.

I wish that many teachers on this forum had to act in their grumpy elitist ignorant way (the ones I'm referring to) in real life so that everyone could actually see them rather than just viewing them as message posts.

Czarjorge · Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 1:31 pm Post subject:

All the grumpy ESL/EFL teachers who post on Dave's have to act in real life the way they do on the forum. Spliff is forced to draw emoticons on the surfaces around him after he makes a statement. Karmapolice gets tattoos of beautiful women all over his body and when he doesn't have anything to say he shows them to people instead. Ya-ta reminds everyone he meets that he's an old guy but it doesn't matter. Thepeel becomes a crusader and singlehandedly assaults an AlQaeda camp. Stevemcgarrett randomly hits people with red herrings or punches them. KoreanAmbition ruins all the games he plays by making them WAY too serious and not learning the rules.

I wish I had a jetpack.

blurgalurgalurga · Joined: 18 Oct 2007

Wow, hey, Jorge, nice jetpack, dude.
Everyone admires and envies you your new rockets. In fact you become so popular that there are soon Czarjorge Action Figures, comic books, movies, a bad tv show starring David Hasselhof as Czarjorge, video games, and of course, as is always the case with cultural icons, sexual fetishist stalkers.
One of these manages to kidnap you, and Hasselhof too, and imprisons you in her lair. She keeps you chained to the floor and gets Hasselhof to dance and flounce around you, day and night, singing the William Shatner version of 'Rocket Man' http://youtube.com/watch?v=NN3MGN899yE until you eventually die of sadness and old age. She doesn't even have to chain Hasselhof; she just keeps him good and liquored.

I wish I had McFly's hoverboard from 'Back to the Future Part Two."