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DaeguKid
Joined: 09 Dec 2006
Location: Daegu
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 Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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Mexican, American and a Canadian are walking on the beach. The Mexican kicks a bottle that washed up on the shore...and low and behold, a Genie comes out.
"I will grant all three of you one wish!"
The Mexican goes first..."I love my cun-tree...Meh-ee-Co very much. Land is a big problem in my cun-tree and I want my family to hab a big piece of prop-per-tee for many generation to come dat no one can take away from us!"
Genie "Wish granted my good friend"
The American goes next..."I lub the good ole U.S of A. I am a Texan and Im tired of all these people coming into my country and not speaking American. I want AMERICA TO BE AMERICA DAMN IT!! (Texan at this point fires off a few rounds into the air so show his excitment). What I want is for a BIG 50 foot wall to surround my country so that no immigrant can ever get in through our borders....YEE HAW."
Genie "Wish granted my good friend"
The Canadian goes next....He looks at the Mexican and then at the Genie and says "he wants land, eh?" Genie responds "yes". Canadian looks at the American and then at the Genie "He wants a big wall to surround his country eh?" Genie replies "yes". Canadian thinks "Hmmmm....well this is easy...." He looks at the American, then back to the Genie and says "Fill his hole up full of water!"
Genie "Wish granted my good friend!"  
DK |
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JustJohn
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Location: Your computer screen
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| Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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| DRAMA OVERKILL wrote: |
| This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95. |
Dunno, I've heard that joke before and there was no US/Canada thing involved. Amusing story though. |
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JustJohn
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Location: Your computer screen
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| Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:45 pm Post subject: |
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Also, semi-related:
Rumsfeld came into Bush's office one day and said "Mr. President, 3 Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq". The President hung his head in his hands for a moment, and when he looked up tears were starting to run down his face. "What's wrong Mr. President?" asked Rumsfeld, slightly confused. "Well," said Bush, choking back the tears, "well, how many is a Brazilian?" |
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Pligganease
Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Location: The deep south...
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| Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:48 pm Post subject: |
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| JustJohn wrote: |
Also, semi-related:
Rumsfeld came into Bush's office one day and said "Mr. President, 3 Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq". The President hung his head in his hands for a moment, and when he looked up tears were starting to run down his face. "What's wrong Mr. President?" asked Rumsfeld, slightly confused. "Well," said Bush, choking back the tears, "well, how many is a Brazilian?" |
Definitely a favorite of mine, but not really an American joke. |
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cruisemonkey
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Location: Hopefully, the same place as my luggage.
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| Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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| A Canadian is really just an unarmed American with a health plan. |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 8:26 am Post subject: |
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| DRAMA OVERKILL wrote: |
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No... I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse...your call. |
Good one, but I remember hearing one like that in the 80's.
| Quote: |
Claim: In 1995 an embarrassing conversation between a lighthouse and an aircraft carrier was recorded by the Chief of Naval Operations, the transcript of which leaked out to the general public.
Status: False.
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1998]
ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
Origins: The
story of the self-important aircraft carrier captain getting his well-earned comeuppance at the hands of a plain-speaking lighthouse has been making the rounds on the Internet since early 1996. Most writeups purport to be transcripts of a 1995 conversation between a ship and a lighthouse as documented by Chief of Naval Operations.
It ain't true. Not only does the Navy disclaim it, the anecdote shows up in a 1992 collection of jokes and tall tales. Worse, it appears in Stephen Covey's 1989 The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and he got it from a 1987 issue of Proceedings, a publication of the U.S. Naval Institute.
It's likely far older than that, because another reader mentioned he saw it passed around as a photocopied joke in the late 1960s while serving aboard either the USS Dixie or USS Truxtun. That certainly agrees with the opinion of Navy sources (as quoted in the news article later on this page); they place the story as being thirty or forty years old.
Slightly different versions name different ships as the one which unwillingly gained a lesson in the unimportance of self importance. Having debunked this tale a few times themselves, the Navy has a web page about this legend, one that answers what three of the commonly cited ships were doing at the time this supposedly occurred.
The Navy's take on this crazy bit of faxlore is contained in the following 1996 newspaper article:
The source of that story, which the Navy swears is untrue, is not known. It's a joke that has been floating around for at least 10 years, and maybe 30 to 40 years. Some think it originated in a humor column in Reader's Digest. Nobody knows for sure.
But for the past four months the story of the ship and the lighthouse has been passed along, as gospel, by comedy talk-show hosts, lazy newspaper columnists and clueless cyberspace jockies until it has taken on an air of the apocryphal. It clings to Navy lore like that old captain from "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner." And, like Coleridge's haunted captain, the Navy is having a real tough time getting this albatross off its neck.
This week the story was repeated by The New York Times News Service, quoting a Canadian newspaper. Last week it was read to a global radio audience on Michael Feldman's popular Whad'ya Know? program on Public Radio International. Earlier, the same network's Car Talk program aired the tale.
In the story's current form, the ship is identified as the carrier Enterprise. In the past it involved a battleship. A version that arrived via e-mail in Norfolk this week from the U.S. Air Force Academy identified it as the "aircraft carrier Missouri." There is no such carrier. The Missouri is a retired battleship.
Various versions carry little embellishments. An amateur-radio buff communicating via the Internet said it happened in Puget Sound. A columnist in the Montreal Gazette said it happened last fall off the coast of Newfoundland. A columnist in North Carolina quoted a local man as saying it happened off the Carolinas.
"It's a totally bogus story, but over the last four months we've gotten at least 12, maybe 18 calls from different media sources trying to confirm that," said Cmdr. Kevin Wensing, an Atlantic Fleet spokesman in Norfolk. "Unfortunately, some of them don't check it out. They just repeat it.
"The first time I heard of it was - oh, let's see, how long - about 10 years ago or so, I think. "That story's so old," Wensing said, "it probably started out back in the galleon days, or back when there was a big lighthouse at Alexandria, Egypt."
Dutifully, when all those reports about the carrier Enterprise began to surface, the Navy had to follow procedures and check it out.
"Yes, we talked to the Enterprise," Wensing said. "It was like, "We've heard this story and we're pretty sure that it's without basis. . . . And their reaction was, 'What? You can't be serious.' "
For the record, Adm. Mike Boorda, the chief of naval operations, released no such transcript on Oct. 10. Or any other time, said Cmdr. John Carman, a spokesman for the admiral. "It's a joke," Carman said, chuckling in disbelief. "And not only that, I've been told it's a real old joke. Like 30 to 40 years ago, that old."
Of the many flaws in the recent version, the most glaring is that there is no longer a radio crew - or any crew, for that matter - on any lighthouse on the U.S. coastline. The last one was automated 10 years ago, said Lt. j.g. Ed Westfall, the lighthouse program manager for the U.S. Coast Guard's Fifth District, based in Portsmouth.
Westfall said he, too, had heard the story for years, but he had a different understanding of its origin.
"I always thought," he said, "it was just something one of us Coasties had made up to poke fun at the Navy."
Barbara "what, the Village People didn't do a good enough job?" Mikkelson |
http://www.discussanything.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-49620.html |
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Bagpipes11
Joined: 10 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 11:32 am Post subject: |
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Many years ago when Moses was lying on his death bed, he had a conversation with God.
He was angry at God because the world seemed unfair. There were rich and poor, diseased and healthy, persecuted and free, etc.
God replied that the world was all about balance...
He explained to Moses that in generations to come he would make sure that there would be balance in the world. He described that the people of Africa would have beautiful land, a strong culture, but would be poor.
Asia would have Industrious workers, but would be massively overpopulated.
Europe would be rich but would have to endure many wars.
He then started telling Moses about Canada.
God: "This place called Canada will be vast, beautiful and rich in natural resources. It's people will be proud and worldly. Known to citizens of other countries to be peace keepers and diplomats. They will produce super human hockey players and enjoy summers at the cottage."
Moses: "What about the balance God? WHERE IS THE BALANCE?"
God: "Oh yeah...wait till you see the @$$holes that I put next to them!" |
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