Korean Job Discussion Forums

[ceesgetdegrees]

My mother, who i haven't talked to in about 8 years had a heart attack and died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital over the weekend. I just found out this morning before coming to work actually and am thinking about taking the day off, but i already know i'm not going to the funeral, 1 i can't really afford the ticket back and all the subsidary costs and 2, i don't fancy facing all the relatives after not having been in contact for nearly a decade.

[nicholas_chiasson]

no. after 8 years you could be legally dead.

[Bibbitybop]

If you don't talk to your mother anymore, you aren't an asshole for not flying around the world for a funeral. It's not like she's going to start talking to you again.

But if you think it's important to yourself, or you won't be able to have closure without going, then you might consider yourself an asshole later.

[JustJohn]

[Kuros]

[mistermasan]

we don't go to funerals for the dead but rather for the living. we share and recollect the good things that person did and how they helped us in our lives. is there no one left alive that knew your mother with whom it would be beneficial to visit.

my brother died not too long ago and it was touching to no end to see all these folks who came at such notice to share with his family how wonderful he was. stateside we bury folks quite quickly these days.

people we hadn't seen in decades showed up bleary eyed and apologizing because "they just heard about it". they literally left work and drove straight over their little office badges still on the lanyards. people he went to gradeschool with showed up. we aren't really crying folks but the mere presence of so many people who knew and loved brenden is something i will never forget.

daresay, my brother's funeral was a beautiful thing. there were alot of people so that there wasn't much time to actually visit for long. the knowledge that these folks were kind enough to come and spend time with us is worth more than gold.

about five years ago my last grandparent died while i was in taiwan. it was chinese new years and getting anykind of airticket was impossible. i regret not being there for my father and his siblings to this day. just being there is sometimes the most important thing.

my condolences on your loss.

[VanIslander]

Take the day off.

Do whatever you want today. If it's going to a movie, or shopping or walking or staying in bed, whatever you feel like doing.

Skip the funeral if you want. There is no "should" on the matter. The only people who should go to a funeral is the friends and spouses of those who lost a family member. If a son decides not to go to his mother's funeral, it's entirely up to the son.

[twg]

I'd say it's about halfsies.

I don't know what estranged you this much from your mother, but if it's bad to make you not contact her for near a decade, then you traveling to see what has become the funeral of a stranger doesn't make sense.

On the other hand, family members who you haven't become estranged with could probably use your support in one way or another. Attending would be good. Call up family members to see how they're holding up would work just as well.

Whatever you decide, here's hoping you can make peace in your heart with the old lady.

[Bibbitybop]

[ceesgetdegrees]

[VanIslander]

[igotthisguitar]

[Night Ranger]

Man...the whitebreads in Korea kill me.... Someone who gave birth to you...raised you..dies..and you don't even want to pay your final respects? The sad part...all the other whitebreads on here are like.."hey dude...no big deal." I've said it before...white people in Korea really are a sad bunch...only think about themselves. I have 2 kids and I'd hope that if I die that no matter where they are in the world..that they would come to my funeral.

[ceesgetdegrees]

[nicholas_chiasson]