Korean Job Discussion Forums

[endo]

[Stormy]

Your girlfriend probably is hoping you will change your mind, or she will change it for you if she makes you love her enough....

I have a friend back home, a very intelligent, career-oriented, well-travelled woman who is very happily in a relationship with a great guy, the only problem is that he categorically does not want kids and she desperately does. He has been totally honest from the start and she was upset at first but then accepted that the advantages of the relationship (happiness, love, intellectual equality yada yad yada) were worth not having kids. This was what she told him. She still hopes (a couple of years later) he will change his mind once he loves her 'enough'. Lately she even mentioned to me she is thinking of 'accidently' getting pregnant. Beware, what women say and what they sreally think may not be the same (ditto men).

On another note, I know that marriage is the be all and end all in Korea but the notion that every woman in the world is just gagging to trap a guy, settle down and breed is totally outdated. We are certainly not all that way inclined at all!

[Omkara]

yeah, that's exactly the problem. Don't wanna settle, can't settle, but I love the wrestling matches!

I've thought about the whole polygamy thing, and have heard some good arguments in its favor. Really.

But, I must say, it would not work out for me. A man's gotta be well off to have more than one wife, and this whole EFL thing is great for a single guy, but. . .

So, I think that monogamous cultures give guys like me a fair shot!

I do think that she thinks I'll eventually come around. That makes me hold back on some affection I'd love to be able to express to her. But, feeling that showing too much affection to her will only increase her hope and desire makes me hold back and shut some doors.

As far as taking advice from the 50 year old single, there's not a snowballs chance that I'd take her advice. She happens to be an extreme case. She has a strong personality, a strange mix of a nearly irrepressible libido and a powerful counter-mechanism which represses it.
She has no taste for nuance, sees things in two basic colors, and jumps to conclusion and judgement immediately.

I like this old lady, but her judgment does express a psychology which has developed in this culture. So, though she's an extreme case, she does represent an average judgment of the culture.

[MollyBloom]

I think you should set her free. If you are feeling something deep inside telling you it's not right, then it's not right. I guess you could stay with her if you enjoy her company, but if it does not feel right, why waste your time?

[curlygirl]

Asking the girl "Are you okay with our situation" is kind of like me asking my students "Do you understand?" (Yes teechah) My students want to be agreeable so they rarely admit that they didn't understand what I just said. Similarly your girl *probably* also wants to be agreeable now, in the hope that you'll change your mind later. I say *probably* because I can't read your girlfriend's mind. The question you might want to ask her is "How would you really like our relationship to be?" Then you just might get an honest answer.

[theatrelily]

[Scarlet13]

Your gf is hoping that you will change your mind. You should let her go, I speak from experience. Let her move on so that she will find a guy who is looking for the same thing as she is.

[Omkara]

Thanks, again, all.

Yes, the western mindset is very different, and it's important to keep this in mind.

I think that keeping open and honest is the key here. She's korean through and through, but she is open and honest.

Anyway, I'll spend some good time with her tomorrow and see where the wind blows this crazy thing!