Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Bingo]

Let's write poems about Korea. Chose any aspect of life in Korea and start typing. I was in a foul mood today so I wrote a poem (I was also extremely bored) about my earliest experiences in Korea. I worked at a hogwan in Seoul. Here's my story.



MY FIRST MONTH IN KOREA

Went to Korea. Got me a job. Thought I�d teach, save a few bob.
Got to Incheon. What did I see? Men in cheap shiny suits, staring at me.
Got my bus ticket, was feeling fine. Just then some bastard cut in line.
He coughed up something, horked it on the ground. (Now, that�s what I call a disgusting sound.)
Along came the bus. I took my seat. Christ Almighty. What�s with the fucking heat?
Got to Seoul, was feeling sluggish. Got off the bus, grabbed my luggage.
Met a teacher from the school. �Straight to the hagwon," he says. "That�s the rule.�
Where�s my apartment? Is it ready? �No, you�ll have to share with Dave and Betty.�
The recruiter said I�d have my own pad. �Oh, we lied about that. But you shouldn�t get mad.�

Woke up next day. It was raining. Went to work. Had been promised training.
You don�t need training, said the boss. Phoned the recruiter, who couldn�t give a toss.
He�d gotten his money, put it in the bank. After that his service stank.
Spoke to the director about matter. He said the boss was getting madder.
Get in the classroom and start to teach. The training promised is out of reach.
Met the kids, got dong-cheemed. My co-worker said I needed redeemed.
She talked about Jesus as the only way. (And taking stuff out of my pay.)
Along came pay day, expected my cash. Boss said he didn�t have the stash.
Things, he said, are tough right now. (Do you really need food, you fat foreign cow?)
�Maybe next week, I can give you some.� I felt angry, bitter and numb.
�I need my pay now, it�s June 1st.� (Dude, this is Korea. Expect the worst.)

Next week arrives, still ain�t got my pay. Surely this can�t be the Korean way.
The recruiter said Korea was beautiful and fine. It�s people honest, considerate and kind.
But where�s my pay? And what�s that sound. (Another loogie just hit the ground.)
Borrowed some cash and went for food. Christ Almighty, these people are rude.
Pushing and bumping and cutting line. Got my food. Sat down to dine.
What�s that noise, that smacking and slurping? Is that old woman really burping?
Totally grossed out. Lost my appetite. Decided to go home and call it a night.
Put on my pajamas, lay down on the floor. My fucking neighbour starts slamming his door.
Slammed it once. Slammed it twice. Some fucking manners would be nice.
No consideration. None at all. (Another person horking in the hall.)

Two weeks later I got my pay. (Mr. Kim wore bright pink, looked rather gay.)
Looked at my pay stub. What did I see? Someone, somewhere, was fucking with me.
What�s this deduction? What�s that for? (Don�t ask questions or they�ll deduct more.)
One more thing. Where�s all my overtime?( I hate being fucking knickled and dimed.)
I worked extra hours all last week. Give me my money you fucking creep.
Stormed out of school, headed for the bar. Almost got hit by a fucking car.
Had a few pints, then a shot. (Man, I could really use some pot.)

With Korea I wasn�t too impressed. (But check out that chick in the tight red dress.)
Garbage on the east side, hookers in the west. Yet Koreans believe it�s the very best.
�Korea #1� I hear them say. �We have no crime, pollution or gays.�
We give Korea Culture to the world as a present.
Piss off Mr. Kim, you�re a lowly peasant.
You signed my contract. Isn�t that your name? I�m sick and tired of your fucking game.
Never wrote a poem before. Don�t know how to end.
Going out for a pint now. Really hope I blend.

Finito

[philipjames]

Dude, that's hilarious. I definitely had a good chuckle. Funny stuff. (You should contact Arirang and discuss the possibility of reading it on the air. I'm sure they'd be flattered to hear that you've written a poem about Korea.

[bogey666]

[livinseoul]

Excellent

[CentralCali]

Good job, Bingo! I was thinking about starting a "Hello Mudda...Hello Fadda...Here I am...in South Korea" to the tune of "Hello Mudda...Hello Fadda...Here I am...at Camp Ramada" contest.

[jackson7]

NO WAY can I compete with that gem (still smiling...thank you), but here's a little taste of my experience...

Came to Korea on a friend's recommendation. Thought that I needed a little vacation.
The real world was gone with an airplane belt "click," first in-flight meal kimchi, good God was I sick!
Arrived and was driven by some "Mister Lee." "Smoking okay?" to I all that asked he.

The first months seemed novel, but soon things turned worse. Is that a man's handbag? Or is it a purse?
Everywhere that I looked, filled my heart with dismay. The colors of neon had turned dull shades of grey.
Or was that the smog, the "air" that we breathe? I coughed and I hacked, and I wanted to leave.

Then all of a sudden things went from good, bad, to better. A leggy young lass just left me a letter!
The letter was all Hangeul, but Hangeul I read. In this sweet message, poetry, it said:
Your white skin is pretty, and I like your round eyes, let's grab a beer later, I've got a surprise.

After two months of dating the surprise secret was blown. On an STD test did the truth become known.
There was more to my princess, my cute asian miss, but all that I thought of, was that it hurt when I pissed.
Her ex was my boss, she mistress, he mister. All that I wished was that I never had kissed her.

I was fired a month later, but put up a fight. It took 5 million won to keep my lips sealed this tight.
The boss was embarrassed, but I was just rich. I had no regrets, for banging that bitch.
The old bastard was crazy, a real moron, a loony. And now here I sit, teaching heaven: a Uni.

This tale I tell true, not a story of ghosts. If you don't believe me, just check my old posts.
The E-speak here ragged, the directors are knobs, but if it were different, we'd all lose our jobs.
Let's remember these facts, as we live our K-lives, that we're here to make money, and find our K-wives.


That was very "zen." Good idea for the thread.

[ED209]

Jackson and Bingo, pure gold. You truly must have suffered to come up with something so creative. Didn't think I'd enjoy this, but it is quite funny. Who'd think a hagwon would be such a muse.

[iiicalypso]

A haiku.

Extra work no pay.
Sorry waygook-- out of luck.
The Korean way.

[Donkey Beer]

Was expecting something lame but this was really funny. Great job!

[Yu_Bum_suk]

Great jobs Bingo and Jackson. Talk about searching for jems amongst a field of cow manure.

[Joe Boxer]

Nice work, Bingo and jackson7. Loved the haiku, iiicalypso. You guys inspired me...


Head Teacher's Comeuppance

I'll now tell a tale that I'd rather forget,
Of when I was young, my wife still unmet.

I'd took what I knew to belong to another.
The lady? My boss (and young student's mother!)

Two years to my lover and school I's devoted,
I rose up in rank; was quickly promoted.

Created the lessons and went through the paces,
In charge of supplying the school with white faces.

My total devotion, the school got to keep it,
And she gave her body thrice weekly, in secret.

Her appetites whetted, and I in my glory,
Alas! Now we come to the end of my story.

For just as she wandered from spouse to my side,
She wandered again, and cast me aside.

I thus lost my lover, my job, I's alone,
With nowhere to live (for the school owned my home).

Some say I deserved it, and I never disputed them,
But I keep on fighting (look top at my pseudonym),
A guy stole my girl, and yes that was rude of him,
The worst part of all? I had recruited him!

[Motto]

Smashing, well done guys made me chuckle

[KimchiExplosion]

I'm in awe of your brilliance. That was fucking awesome!

[Yu_Bum_suk]

[AwesomeA]

Le Ole Sheister

You looked mighty gay that first day with your purple and gray Firley, neckercheif.
Mighty confused how you commented on her breasts, yet tried to drag me to the sauna to shower together.
You say you were kind, but I'm not blind, I saw the two won you lifted from my pocket.
That Christmas present you gave, I couldn't save, so had to rewrap it and give it to you on your b-day.
Now your insides are eroding with envy, how one white waygook, schooled you in the sheisting and dubbed you ebenezer, before disapperaing one night on a 18 hour flight, while drinking your soju and laughing past troubles away.