Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Explat]

A teacher invited me to his daughter's wedding. Nice engraved invitation in a fancy envelope. The other teachers got them, too. So I figured it was nice of him to include me. I was even a bit flattered.

I got out my dress shoes and polished them. Pressed my pants and a fine dress shirt. Got out a silk tie. Even got a haircut and took a bath.

I would have bought a gift, but I was told that the standard gift was 30,000 won, cash, in a plain envelope. OK, I can do that.

I asked another teacher about protocol. The invitation said 2:10 p.m. The teacher said to just arrive at 2:10. Huh? I was a bit puzzled; get there just as the ceremony was starting?

So I got there at 2.

There was a table where two men collected the envelopes before you could enter. I handed it over. Next, I went up an elevator, got out and I saw the father of the bride. He shook my hand and said "Have some food." That was the last I saw of him, and the last anybody said to me at the wedding, aside from the bride nodding at me when I saw her posing for pictures, lots and lots of pictures.

It was in a hotel, supposedly a very good one, with a very long, narrow room, unsuitable to the event because people at the far end could not see or hear what was going on at the end with the marriage ceremony. They weren't paying any attention, anyway, everyone just chatting with each other at the tables.

There was a long buffet. There were lots of tables. But most of the tables were full. The ones with the teachers I knew were. None of them asked me to sit with them. The odd seat was at a table with people I didn't know. I did not feel comfortable sitting with families I did not know. It seemed there were many more people there than there were seats. I stood around watching, but people kept bumping into me.

I would have eaten some food, and was rather hungry, but I did not see anyone standing up holding a plate eating, so I would have felt stupid and rude. So I did not eat.

The ceremony began. People kept right on talking. And chattering. And laughing. And taking pictures of each other. And walking right up to the ceremony and taking pictures and movies of the couple taking their solemn marriage vows. A table with some adults and a lot of teenage girls was next to the ceremony. They were talking especially loudly and laughing throughout the vows. I was appalled. Some even tried practicing their English with me at this time, but I refused.

I saw some of the English co-teachers, on their way out when I was coming in. They said later they had come earlier and eaten, and then left because the place was too crowded. They had been dressed in Dockers type slacks and golf shirts, not especially new or clean, much like for school. I saw lots of other people leaving before and during the ceremony. While many people were dressed up, some were dressed like slobs. I think I could have come in sneakers and a T-shirt, with an MP3 player in my pocket and headphones in my ears, and no one would have blinked.

Finally, although I was told the ceremony lasted an hour, after about 50 minutes I had had enough of this circus, and left, too. There was no solemnity, no beauty, no romance to this marriage, and most of all, not a single moment of silence. There were some musicians, in addition to the recorded music, who played part way through the wedding march, rather painfully, and stopped before the end, abruptly when the couple finished their walk to the alter. They then packed up their instruments and left.

In short, there was no joy to this event.

If people behaved like this in the West, it would have been an insult. The noise and rude behavior would have been an insult to couple. And over-selling the seats with far more guests than tables would have been an insult to the guests. Also, at most formally events like this, the host either assigns seats with cards, or at least would help find the lone guest a seat at an appropriate table and introduce an outsider such as my self.

There was a professional photographer documenting the event. But that didn't stop everyone else with a camera from jostling in beside him. I haven't been to a wedding back home in a while, but the last time I went, people didn't stand up during the vows, walk to the front of the church, and start snapping away. That was the professional photographer's job. There was some sense of decorum.

But apparently the rules are different. One of the teachers who left early later told me that I could have asked for a lunch to go from the buffet.

[pocariboy73]

Ya, I got married here in Korea last year and during our ceremony I often felt pissed off with the lack of manners and rudeness from many of the guests. They arrived late, were very noisy, and spent most of their time eating downstairs at the buffet to take advantage of the free meal.

I regretted inviting my parents from Canada to attend such a thing! Oh well, I'm happily married now, but the wedding was a farce.

[Toju]

You've been here how long?

[esglumac]

Yep, I have been to two here: One was in a church and the other was in a wedding hall.
The church was the noisiest of the two. Kids yelling and screaming. We ate the buffet before the cermony. We did cut the cake ( but I have been told that that is rare) because the groom was American. The photographer was right up in the front of church snapping away, even during the vows.
Shoot, I didn't even get an invitation for the wedding hall. I was just told to show up. However, it was a bit more quiter. I didn't even see a cake for that one.
All and all, I don't think the marriage ceremoney is as high matience here.

[Explat]

Toju wrote:

[crescent]

You should have stayed. At the end, they crank up the bubble machine, strobe lights, and black ice. It's not for dancing though.

It was so beautiful. *cry*

[kiwiduncan]

You've described my experience of a Korean wedding down to a T. Utterly meaningless and crappy, pretty much like most aspects of mainstream Korean society (not all Koreans however - just most of them sadly).

I'm determined to marry a girl who is happy to sign a few pieces of paper in the government office then invite a few friends and family out to the mountain for a day to plant trees. Pushing shit uphill with a broken stick hoping for this though.

[Explat]

Did all of you get charged 30,000 won to attend?

Is that the real reason you were invited, to collect the loot?

I had the unpleasant sensation of being fleeced.

Looking on the brighter side, I guess you could view it as a fundraiser for the couple. I'd guess they made a pretty good profit, given that there were several hundred people invited.

-- Yeah, Crescent, they had dry ice giving off a white cloud during the ceremony. Kinda like a fog machine at a strip joint.

[Privateer]

And they call it a 'Western-style' wedding. Says it all really, doesn't it?

[xCustomx]

[Scotticus]

[Mr. Pink]

I had a laugh as I read your little summary of what a Korean wedding involves.

I've been to over 10 weddings including my own.

I've been to weddings where most people don't even attend, they just give the cash and eat and run.

Weddings here are a business. Once you understand this concept, you'll have a better time of it.

I've only been to one western style wedding here. By western style I mean people actually sat at tables and the food was brought out FIRST to the bride and groom and then to the guests. There was actually a seating arrangement. It was the nicest wedding I've been to, but the costs involved in such a wedding are nuts.

At my wedding, by the time I finished taking the photos after the ceremony there was no food left for me or my wife to eat. That is the stupidest aspect of Korean weddings, but whatever. At least they are quick. I hate 8hr weddings back in Canada.

[samd]

[ED209]

Live and learn. Kindly refuse if you're invited to another hotel or church wedding. Oh and that money goes to the parents(they feel owed) and they'll decide how much the bride and groom get to keep.

Where are those naver videos of the late ajumma who pushes the bride out of the way to get to her seat, as the bride does the walk?! And the one with the crazy dancers?

Anyhoo, Vegas has more class than a Korean wedding. Though I've heard the more traditional weddings have live chickens so sounds much more fun.

[kimchi_pizza]