Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Gamecock]

I think this lifestyle of living seperately (which happens ALOT here within Korea), which seems deplorable to many western couples, is accepted here because they don't have a western/romantic tradition of marriage. I believe this is a greater factor than the salaryman system.

More Korean couples are marrying for love these days, yet there are still many marriages which are based on familial pressures, expediency, or economic issues. I have many friends who told me they married because the time was right and they had "Jung" with their partner, not really romantic love. Another female friend of mine is 29 and desperate to marry before 30...so she went to a matchmaker to find someone.

I taught a mothers class of 30-40 year old married women who were more than a little open in discussion times...I was surprised to hear from them that it is not uncommone for a woman to get married and get pregnant and then NEVER have sex with her husband again. For some, marriage is about family obligations and making a baby. This is also the reason why many Korean men AND WOMEN see prostitution as a completely natural part of society.

Y'all need to think outside of your western box.

[mountainous]

[cdninkorea]

[byunhosa]

1) This arrangement is extremely common here; many of the guys I wor with are "eagles". Some of them fly to Singapore, NZ, or the U.S. as often as once a month or every few months, while some visit less frequently depending on the distance and their work obligations, etc. Most are fortunate that they have the means to do it; many Koreans are not so lucky.


I'm sure a fair amount of affairs/dalliances happen under these circumstances, but I don't think that such an "opportunity" is a central motivation for the decision to go abroad. Sorry to burst your salacious bubbles...

2) I've also known quite a few Koreans who were geographic bachelors/bachelorettes while their spouses were studying (yuhak) overseas. One of my female colleagues has been apart from her husband for 7 (seven!) years, while he has been in Paris getting his PhD. She has raised their two children mostly alone (with some help from her mother), while in the interim getting her JD and practicing law in NYC and now in Seoul. She is a remarkable woman in my opinion. I don't understand why she and her husband do this, though, but it is not for me to judge. She admits she has questioned why she stayed with him, but for whatever reason they remain married.

Another Korean colleague's wife is an American lawyer. She lives in New York with their newborn baby, while he lives here. I have no idea why they do this. These sacrifices seem to greatly outweigh whatever marginal benefits they are getting from overseas work experience, etc.

Lawyers in Korea get to study for 1-2 years overseas in the middle of their careers. Many husband-wife lawyer couples will actually study at different junctures, and thus be alone for that entire period.


2) A fair amount of the "eagle" dads end up moving in with their mother-in-law during their wife's absence, which underscores just how helpless they really are. Some complain, but some love it: my office neighbor's wife and 2 sons are coming back this month from two years at an international school in Shanghai; he is lamenting his loss of "freedom" although he is glad they are back, and glad to be relieved of the financial burdens of maintaining two households.


3) The part of the article which I find really ridiculous is the notion that parents are doing this to help their children "avoid the stress and pressure of Korean school". BS! Most of them are simply trying to get their child another advantage. All of their wealth and privilege is for naught when faced with a very difficult and egalitarian college entrance exam in Korea. In contrast, if they can send their child to the right boarding school in the West, little Han Suk has a good shot at a top univ in the West.

It's absurd to think that, with the extraordinary expenses and sacrifices they are making, they would not expect (or DEMAND) excellence from their children. "Yeah, I spent half my income on overseas study, but it's worth it despite my little boy's C average." C'mon.

[nautilus]

[Cheonmunka]