Korean Job Discussion Forums

Starla · Joined: 06 Jun 2008 Location: Seoul

delete

Matman · Joined: 02 Jun 2006

tzechuk · Joined: 20 Dec 2004

I am sorry that you have experienced this - some Koreans are real racists..

But what he said is true... you can meet nice blokes here in Korea with parents who will welcome you with open arms!

Just make sure you meet them after all the mad cow business has died down!!!

bassexpander · Joined: 13 Sep 2007 Location: Someplace you'd rather be.

Move on.

Many Korean men tell their women they want to marry from about day 1. It's very, very common.

You're setting yourself up to waste the last of your most sexually attractive years. Sorry to be blunt, but it's the truth.

My former coworker went through this same situation, and after 2 years, found out her Korean man had a Korean girlfriend on the side.

Identical situation.

If after you break it off, and he begs to get you back, tell him you refuse to meet him again unless it's to meet his parents to plan marriage. Otherwise, you'll become his little sex toy on the side while he searches for a mate of Korean heritage.

Faunaki · Joined: 15 Jun 2007

I think that if your goal is to get a Korean man, then you can do it. A lot of the female teachers here (and in Asia) have no luck with men because they are not interested in the locals. They are usually only interested in western men who while here are only interested in the locals.

Living with the in-laws is not so bad either. You gotta try it first and then decide if you like it or not. For me, it means that I don't have to cook K food (which I am incompetent at), there's extra company, it's good for practicing Korean and you'll probably get a house bought and paid for.

A lot of my husband's friends are looking for foreign spouses. They are always trying to get me to hook them up.

So I'd say the odds are good.

Check out http://www.iskakorea.com/.

cisco kid · Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 6:57 pm Post subject:

He was just using you to practice his English.

The whole 'disown' thing is a power play. Once they actually get married, 98% of the parents accept it. Same thing happened when I married my wife 10 years ago. The minute her plane landed in LA and we called the family to let them know that we'd been married, they accepted it and wanted to visit my family. They'll do/say anything to prevent it from happening beforehand, but once the deed is done, they come into line pretty fast.

Most Korean children know this, so him accepting what his parents told him about your relationship is pretty freakin weak imo.

bassexpander · Joined: 13 Sep 2007 Location: Someplace you'd rather be.

Some parents are very traditional. Others are not. My wife's father would never have allowed her to marry me. He died, and her mother doesn't care. I came along after the father's death, so it was never an issue.

By the way, it's an interesting phenomena that western men aren't so interested in marriage. I'd like to explore that issue more. Tell us more about your friends and their problems.

gajackson1 · Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:05 pm Post subject:

That's awful, and sorry it happened to you - but that knife does cut both ways . . .

When I first came here, in the years before I met Christina, I dated a LOT of Korean women. 2 serious (to me) relationships were broken, because the families would not accept me being non-Korean. Some other dating partners strictly wanted me as the 'foreigner mantoy/boytoy' - to show off to their friends or scandalize their social lives (seems to be a lot of that type on some of the K-oriented dating sites).

Who you really need to hear from are some of the western-women-with-K-husbands here, and get their takes. For us, we have 1 friend who is married & mostly miserable; another woman (in her 50s) is married & back with her husband in the States. It is rough on them, but they seem happy & are really trying to make it work.

As a final note, if marriage IS your goal, then get a bilingual friend to help you register/put up ads on some of the K sites. I'm fairly sure you will be swamped with offers, & will just have to separate the wheat from the chaff! (or rice from the stalk, as it may be) Very Happy

Good luck!

Sobee · Joined: 07 Jun 2008 Location: Songsan-myeon

I enjoyed reading your post! This seems to be a topic which isn't brought up alot, but is something I think about myself. While stationed in Korea in 1999-2000, I went on a few dates with a Korean man who I met while attending a Korean-American Bible study on base. I was only 21 at the time, and wasn't sure what I wanted yet. He was wonderful, and asked me a few times if I would ever consider marrying a Korean. I told him sure! But, I wasn't ready to get married then and of course didn't pursue him beyond a good friendship. (Now I wish I did!) I didn't meet his parents or anything so I can't help you there, but I do remember when we went on the date, we got some strange looks from the waiters at the restaurant. Our waiter even spilled my water..on purpose! But I agree with you about the committment thing and Korean men. I'm actually getting ready to go back to Korea, 8 years later from when I was there the first time! I will be leaving in July for a one year contract, teaching at a homeschool and am very excited to return to this country. (I'm now out of the military!) I do hope I will meet a Korean as awesome as the one I met before:) He was so cute too! Anyway, I hope you will find what you are looking for over there. Don't give up, and do what you have a desire for. I am thirty, and also feel that time crunch a little now, but timing is everything! Korea is fascinating, and the people are amazing in that they have really deep roots in their culture and ways of living which I find refreshing. Although, as you have experienced, this can be a road block to potentially great relationships, but there are still pleny of good ones left who have parents that are more in tune with how the world is "flat" and also embrace other cultures.

BTW: I'm glad there is at least one other American women who wants to marry a Korean!

canuckistan · Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:32 pm Post subject:

sistersarah · Joined: 03 Jan 2004 Location: hiding out

bassexpander · Joined: 13 Sep 2007 Location: Someplace you'd rather be.

Stevie_B · Joined: 14 May 2008

Ukon · Joined: 29 Jan 2008

Atavistic · Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject:

Some parents are very traditional. Some open foreign spouses with open arms and no problem.

Every western woman I've known (in real life) with a Korean man had parents in the middle, leaning towards traditional. And their boyfriends/husbands just kept driving the point home that they WOULD get married. All of them are eldest (usually only) sons, too.

If you have a boyfriend who is willing to fight for you and stand up for you, no problem. But if he's NOT willing to partner with YOU, then leave.

MANY of my (Korean) coworkers told me that my boyfriend is "a very bad son, which means he will be a very good husband." A bit simplistic, but largely true in my experience and my friends' experiences.