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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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Hanson
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
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 Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:20 am Post subject: |
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| nobbyken wrote: |
As a single guy I always felt incomplete, something missing.
I felt I had another half so when we met it was a natural progression to marriage.
Genesis 2:18
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." |
http://kr.youtube.com/watch?v=j_pFTAY7MF8
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shifty
Joined: 21 Jun 2004
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:28 am Post subject: |
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Works like this: we are born to die. The idea of death is an assault to our senses and we need to make sense of it. In short, we need meaning. Meaning is our biggest imperative.
One way of making our lives meaningful is to sacrifice ourselves for the other. Since we are in any event dying, it makes sense and and is meaningful to give ourselves up so that the other might live.
Getting hitched and having children is an unsurpassed way of achieving same. To be recommended for a happier life.
There's regular sex too. |
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anyway
Joined: 22 Oct 2005
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 2:35 am Post subject: |
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| tigerbluekitty wrote: |
I think marriage is for the sake of children.
Really sick of hearing stories of men who run off leaving women to take care of and provide for children themselves. |
Yes, me too, but I think the whole point of the OP was to question the need for the marriage, the document, the pomp and circumstance. Marriage certainly doesn't stop guys from leaving women to fend for themselves. Might make it a bit harder, but then again divorce doesn't require a paper either sometimes.
I think the answer to the OP's question is this - marriage is a ritual. It is a promise to themselves and society. It puts the onus on everyone to keep their act together. You might say 'love is the glue', but then we could ask 'why do people say they love each other?' They don't have to do that.
For me, marriage is a ritual which symbolizes the commitment to compromise and unity of man and woman (in a spiritual, not religious, sense). |
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Unposter
Joined: 04 Jun 2006
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 5:09 am Post subject: |
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Asking why we need marriage is like asking why we need driver's licences or passports or any kind of contracts. It serves a social/economic function.
Why should you do it? Most governments will give you benefits; it legitimizes your children; and it guarantees that there will be someone there to help you if you are sick or dying.
Engles thought the social function of marriage was related to property. Many communists thought that marriage would end once private property was done away with.
I'm sure it also helps to protect society from too much sexual competition and frees people to pursue other interests. |
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Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:13 am Post subject: |
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Well, for those of us in love with foreign nationals it makes a hell of a lot of sense to get on a more permanent visa.
I feel for a gay friend of mine who fell in love with a Korean. They got him to the States on a visitor visa, then a short-term English study visa, then a real student visa, but what happens in two years when he's done with school? Yes some dude can buy a mail-order bride, meet her only one, drag her over and marry her and she can stay (doing the appropriate visa work along the way). That's bullshit. |
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nolegirl
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:35 am Post subject: |
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Does marriage scare alot of people, it scares the hell out of me.
Literally, it petrifies me. |
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Kuros
Joined: 27 Apr 2004
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:20 am Post subject: |
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| nautilus wrote: |
However the best reason for legally binding marriage I can think of is: it provides a secure framework for the children to grow up in.
kids need the committed attention of both parents. |
Yes, marriage is about the children. Its hard to believe this was even a question. There's other benefits, too. |
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Nomadder
Joined: 16 May 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:21 am Post subject: |
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| Unposter wrote: |
Asking why we need marriage is like asking why we need driver's licences or passports or any kind of contracts. It serves a social/economic function.
Why should you do it? Most governments will give you benefits; it legitimizes your children; and it guarantees that there will be someone there to help you if you are sick or dying.
Engles thought the social function of marriage was related to property. Many communists thought that marriage would end once private property was done away with.
I'm sure it also helps to protect society from too much sexual competition and frees people to pursue other interests. |
My post was more about why we, as individuals, choose marriage. I can understand the institution from a governmental point of view to some extent. After all most people will change to conform to the parameters of whatever institutions they belong to. Be they governmental, employer, social groups, etc.
Having said that, does marriage really balance out as a benefit to society/the economy overall? Spread out over a whole nation, do the limited legal benefits of marriage really outweigh the legal penalties, on individuals and the court system in general, associated with failed marriages?
(To say nothing of the problems it may create for children from failed marriages. It may make it harder for a partner to leave, but how often does marriage prevent one from leaving anymore? Making it harder only creates animosity between the partners insuring that the child(ren) will have a tougher time of things, both during the protracted split, and after when going between the people he/she loves that hate each other.)
I also don't understand the "legitimizing" of children. Children have the same rights born both in, and out, of wedlock. The legal parents also have the right to raise their child as they see fit. Maybe back in medieval times this was a concern, but in this day I'm not sure we really worry about 'bastards' anymore.
Does a marriage contract really insure that you will have someone to take care of you if you are sick or dying? Does it legally bind your partner to such behavior? If so then that would go back to financial concerns I suppose. If not then you're still relying on the love of your partner to sustain you which still doesn't have much to do with the afforementioned document.
On a side note... Maybe the reason one is sick or slowly dying is due to their loving spouse... (arsenic used to be rather popular I understand)
More universally:
Maybe children are one of the better reasons. However I think it's a rather poor way to handle things. The "It takes a village" mentality sits better with me. Maybe if we focused on institutions based more in this ethic? (not saying it'll ever happen)
@ Peppermint
If you're worried about your partner having a say in things if you are terminally ill, why not just write a living will either stating your desires, or your desire for your parnter to make the decision?
Last edited by Nomadder on Sun Jun 15, 2008 9:10 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Nomadder
Joined: 16 May 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:48 am Post subject: |
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| Kuros wrote: |
| nautilus wrote: |
However the best reason for legally binding marriage I can think of is: it provides a secure framework for the children to grow up in.
kids need the committed attention of both parents. |
Yes, marriage is about the children. Its hard to believe this was even a question. There's other benefits, too. |
Thank you for your dismissive and pompous contribution. |
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Rae
Joined: 10 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 9:33 am Post subject: |
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| shifty wrote: |
Works like this: we are born to die. The idea of death is an assault to our senses and we need to make sense of it. In short, we need meaning. Meaning is our biggest imperative.
One way of making our lives meaningful is to sacrifice ourselves for the other. Since we are in any event dying, it makes sense and and is meaningful to give ourselves up so that the other might live.
Getting hitched and having children is an unsurpassed way of achieving same. To be recommended for a happier life.
There's regular sex too. |
To be recommended for a happier life ... Whether that's true or not, I like your post and will refer to it whenever I'm particularly jaded about relationships.
As for my thoughts on marriage, it's a bit masochistic. You bind yourself to one person for life (assuming its for love) and gamble that both of you won't change too drastically over the coming years. The problem is, we're not the same person we were 10 years ago, what more in 40. But for kids, and in keeping a home for them, it makes sense. If there's no plans for children, there's no reason for anyone to marry, IMO. So I agree with you (OP) there. |
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Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 9:42 am Post subject: |
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| Rae wrote: |
| If there's no plans for children, there's no reason for anyone to marry, IMO. |
I'm repeating myself, I know.
Well, for those of us in love with foreign nationals it makes a hell of a lot of sense to get on a more permanent visa. |
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yingwenlaoshi
Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Location: ... location, location!
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 9:49 am Post subject: |
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| Depends on how rich she is. |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 10:50 am Post subject: |
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| Nomadder wrote: |
@ Peppermint
If you're worried about your partner having a say in things if you are terminally ill, why not just write a living will either stating your desires, or your desire for your parnter to make the decision? |
I'm not especially worried, for myself. Friends of my parents had been together for about 30 years, raised a couple of kids, had pics of the grandkids all over their house etc, but they'd never gotten married for whatever reason. When he was seriously injured on the job, the docs didn't want to tell her what was wrong, saying they had to wait for family ( their children). He died soon after, and the whole inheritance process was a lot more complicated than it would've been if they'd been married.
That maybe I'm naive, but I think getting a room full of friends together, and promising to love someone even when they're wrinkly and old and having them do the same for you, is something pretty special in it's own right, aside from all the legal stuff. |
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SirFink
Joined: 05 Mar 2006
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 12:46 pm Post subject: Re: What is the point of marriage? |
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| Nomadder wrote: |
What does marriage mean to you? |
I think it is a religious or cultural need that some have. And that's fine, but why people feel that their government has to step in and put its official stamp of approval on such a ceremony and union is pretty sad. It's the same thinking that put "In God We Trust" on US currency. It's an insecurity in one's own religious and cultural beliefs. With the government and everyone in your community backing it up, you think "I might be crazy... but so is everyone else!" |
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Justin Hale
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Location: the Straight Talk Express
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| Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 1:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Nomadder wrote: |
| Kuros wrote: |
| nautilus wrote: |
However the best reason for legally binding marriage I can think of is: it provides a secure framework for the children to grow up in.
kids need the committed attention of both parents. |
Yes, marriage is about the children. Its hard to believe this was even a question. There's other benefits, too. |
Thank you for your dismissive and pompous contribution. |
It was total crap as well. Concerning the specific subject of children, marriage is of no importance. There are woeful parents who are married and wonderful unmarried parents. When I think of good parenting intrinsically, nowhere does marriage to the other 50% of the child's genes show up.
Else, Atavistic's case of the gay couple provides a powerful example of why toleration of gay marriage is a moral necessity. |
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