Korean Job Discussion Forums

brento1138 · Joined: 17 Nov 2004

I always have a few points to throw into these convos. Well, I think the OP made a pretty good post.

But let's talk about the older age group: It's true, the lack of monogomy stems more from the confucian cutlure which breeds it. Two people meet in an "arranged" sort of way. A month or three later, they marry. This happens with my co-workers alot. They might be in "puppy love" but its more because they "have to" get married. They get bored with each other after a few months. They blame their mess on each other. They start to think the other is cheating. They therefore cheat, and develop other relationships, while the "husband" becomes more of a "brother" figure she must satisfy once a year, more work, than love. It's depressing, that scenario. But that's mostly with the over 30-40 and up crowd, and therefore, doesn't apply to most of us. But sadly, it might still apply to people of our age-group.

These days, I have met some Korean girls whose parents are more than happy to see their girl date a foreigner. Like my last girlfriend...her parents lived in Cheongju, and I'd say hello to them on the webcam. Sometimes, a girl will lie, and say her parents don't approve of it, in order to keep it a secret (for many reasons, maybe she's embarrassed about it, or perhaps her family thinks her other Korean boyfriend is the only boyfriend). My best test is this> see if she holds your hand in public. If a girl doesn't hold your hand in public, my honest advice: ditch her asap... she's not worth the hassle you will eventually find yourself in. Cuz she will have many reasons for not doing so, reasons which will eventually surface, which are ugly...

I've heard a saying from many a weigookin. Every Korean girl has three boyfriends. The (1) secret boyfriend who she truly loves, and who she enjoys a sexual relationship with (keyword there, enjoys). But perhaps he doesn't make enough money to make ends meet, or she worries he will fly back to Canada some day, so she can't rely on him for marriage. The (2) parental boyfriend is the one who is the one the parents approve of, typically the boring guy, who she'll go to the DVD bang with, but not enjoy a thing. He buys her trinkets, and she enjoys. Makes lots of excuses NOT to meet him, but must, once a week... if she has to. Oftentimes, these two sadly, end up together in a messed up marriage. Then there's the (3) wildcard guy, the third man, who is either her boss or someone in very high up status. He buys her lots of stuff. This man doesn't exist often, unless she is a stunner. He keeps hitting on her, until she submits. He is the playboy who visits massage parlours every weekend, and whom shows off his wealth. This guy gets laid so often, he's got herpes flying outta him... Girls often want this guy over the other two, hoping he'll "change" and become her new "true love." A provider, lover, etc. But if, horribly, she ever marries this guy, she'll get more abuse from him than she can ever expect. But she'll become accustomed to it eventually... after the honeymoon period is over. Then begins the cycle of multiple boyfriends, as she needs to "get even" with her husband.

Unfortunately, I've heard the story where the weigookin guy has been dating a girl for a year or two, and finds out she is secretly married with kids... I've heard this story TWICE. Yes, and that's just from people I know. I haven't had the best luck either here. The trick is, you gotta just not care for the "dating period" what she's up to... Expect that she is dating another, until you actually discuss that you "won't meet others" anymore... become "steady", make a promise. In Korean culture, just like in 50s America, you gotta discuss that.

In North America, with dating girls, I cant ever recall saying "OK, it's time for us to be girlfriend boyfriend." But here, you gotta do that... Back home, we just assume and understand the "code" that exists. Simply, don't fool around. Simple! Not sayin it doesn't happen back home, but there does seem to be a different mindset there... than here.