Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Lekker]

Coworker told me she would introduce me to her friend for a language exchange kind of thing. Her friend works in Sinchon. I work kind of far from there. We went to Sinchon and met the woman. The majority of the meeting was mostly me talking in English to her. When we would begin to speak in Korean, she would giggle, say a few things, then say "I am not a good teacher."

Since it was at the end of the day, I was pretty tired. So after an hour or so of talking in English to her, for free basically, I said I wanted to get up and go home.

Today I was supposed to meet her after work. I was quite tired at the end of the day and after dealing with little hyperactive kids all day, I called the woman and said sorry, I'm just too tired to go into Sinchon to meet her. Too many people bouncing into each other, not watching where they are going, etc. etc. etc. I just wanted to go home, cook a steak and some rice, because I hadn't eaten all day, and take a shower and mellow out. She was okay with it, we agreed to meet again next week.

Just now I got this email from my coworker...

"i called my friend, she said that she didn't meet you today because you were tired.

but you called her around five thirty.

actually, she wait for you for 4hours.

she starts her wok at five in ther morning and finished her wok at 2o'clock.

i really really feel sorry for her. she said she is ok, but,,,

i think you are my friend and i believe you ,,,,and you said you wanted to learn korean, so i wanted to help you,... that's why i introduced her to you for you not for her.

and when i asked her to teach you to her, she said she would teach you willingly aithough she is very busy, and tired.

i think you should have told that you can't meet her in advance.

or if you didn't want to see her, you could have told me in advance,

honestly, if i were you, i would meet her even i was tired.

of course, i understand you are tired easily,

i don't mean that i blamed for it to you. I just let you know that please think that korea society is same as your country's society.

anyway, you don't have to meet her anymore,

and please don't misunderstand what i'm writing to you.

just forget it. everying was my fault.

have a good night. see you tomorrow.~

don't worry,and sorry. you are still my friend and nice co-worker."

Does this mean that the work relationship between the two of us is going to be shaky from now on? I mean really, I'm not here to give FREE English lessons. You want to learn English, you pay, with money, or with teaching me Korean. And I don't want to go into Sinchon. I can't stand the place. And I'm tired. I speak over the volume of 100 Korean children all day for 6 hours, many of them who disrespect me time in and time out.

I am going to have to go into work tomorrow and when I see her, I am going to have to have a mature approach with this to her. How do I explain this to her that I am worn out at the end of the day, that I have to take 3 subways to work, in the heat, standing up the entire time, that I am have been up since three in the morning because my neighbors feel like screaming at the top of their lungs in the hallway, and that it is hot out and that I am not a machine. I can not run on empty. I need rest. Why can't people just understand instead of acting like a 5 year old?

Now because I stand up for myself and put my foot down, I have created tension in the workplace.

"honestly, if i were you, i would meet her even i was tired."

Well no, I'm tired. It's the end of the day. I just want to go home and rest.

I think maybe she could have possibly set this up to benefit her financially? Maybe not, I don't know. I don't have to meet the woman anymore. I feel bad, but at the same time, why can't I just rest when I need to?

[Ya-ta Boy]

[Gwangjuboy]

i don't mean that i blamed for it to you. I just let you know that please think that korea society is same as your country's society

What? Koreans are notorious for last minute cancelations!

[Lekker]

Yeah, you're right. It just irritates me though, I told my coworker this morning I wasn't feeling up to it and she said no, that I should go, as if she is my commander.

[Pyongshin Sangja]

Relax. Meet her some other day. Who cares. Why the hell does she start work at 5 am? She's obviously insane.

[cheeseface]

[Ya-ta Boy]

[moosehead]

Lekker -

there are all kinds of psychological papers written that could describe in detail just how many different sorts of manipulation were demonstrated not just in that email, but in the actions of both those women.

the good news is - just ignore it, pretend like nothing unusual happened, just don't let yourself get personally involved with the coworker and her "suggestions" again, ok? if you do, well, you've been burned once so....

the bottom line is always, take care of yourself, first and foremost. really, it is. It's not being selfish, if you don't take care of yourself, who will? really? when you enter into any kind of adult relationship you expect people to act like adults, which means they'll take care of theirselves also - and not blame you because of their lives and their problems ad nauseum.

you were honest, truthful and forthright. what more can someone expect?

just continue being like that and if people can't deal with it, then it's their problem, not yours.

and yes, there are women out there who will appreciate you and teach you Korean, w/ or w/o the English.

good luck.

[visitorq]

Dude, that's not pressure. There's no reason whatsoever to care. Really, who cares what some Korean lady thinks??? If you feel awkward around her just ignore her or smile if you happen to make eye contact in the workplace. Nothing to it...

[Bigfeet]

The solution's simple. Do something that'll turn her off so much that she won't ever want to meet you again.

[aka Dave]

Your experience is instructive to me, because I'm looking for a language exchange partner, as I'm really gonna make an effort on my vacation to improve my beginning Korean.

I can fully see it devolving into mostly English and limp, disjointed Korean exchange. Koreans need structure. I'm going to bring a textbook and conversation materials. I'm not gonna be a nazi about it, just having "stuff" to go over for our Korean, so they have something to refer to.

And I'll make sure the time is 50 50, so we're clear and it's a fair exchange. Also, it sounds like it's better to do this on weekends, when neither party is so stressed out from work. And it's obviously ideal to have some who lives near you so there's no hassle travelling, which is another negative that stresses you over time.

[Lekker]

I was onto her from the start. It was clear she wanted free lessons from the start when she said "I'm not a good teacher..."

Then why am I sitting in front of you and why have you not really entertained my efforts at speaking your language.

Free free free. Discount this, service that... BS. you want lessons, you need to pay. Pay me in cash or pay me in teaching. Either one will suffice. A two way street goes two ways. Maybe it's better off this way.

Anyone want a conversational English partner? I could easily hook it up for you.

[Kimchi Cha Cha]

I wouldn't sweat it, if they had an Olympic event for laying the guilt trip, Korea would be a perennial world-beater.

I've experienced similar situations several times and have found that often people who love to lay the guilt trip whenever possible are not that genuine themselves in the end and not true friends. They'll lay the guilt trip whenever possible but you'll find that they have no qualms about changing or cancelling plans at the last minute.

[jdog2050]

[Boodleheimer]