Korean Job Discussion Forums

Hanson · Joined: 20 Oct 2004

I have a recurring problem with some of my wife's extended family. They seem to think that me being a foreigner, and hence a native English speaker, provides them with a perfect tutor for their kids.

I'm not inclined to do privates for my wife's family for several reasons, mostly because I see it as a can of worms. If I say yes to one family member, they'll all want me to teach their kids (my wife has many uncles/aunts/cousins/etc...).

Yesterday, at a family gathering, it was suggested that I work with my wife's cousin's kids. To try to get out of it, I told them that it was illegal for me, on an E-2 visa, to do privates, and that I would face deportation/fines if caught, but one older uncle brushed that off with an "eeechhhh" and said that would never happen, pushing for me to do it anyway.

The main problem is that by refusing to do it, it will cause bad vibes within the family, especially directed towards me and my wife.

How do I get out of these privates requests from my wife's family without causing an internal family dispute?

TheChickenLover · Joined: 17 Dec 2007 Location: The Chicken Coop

Simply say no. I have had similar experiences with my in-laws and tell them quite clearly that my free time is for myself and my wife. If they want to have extra English classes, they should pay someone else to have them. What they are really trying to do is save money by using up all your time with no respect to what you do. Yes this will cause bad vibes. but it's because you're forcing them to spend money where they want to save off you. They know damn well that it's not right, but they'r doing it anyways.

Do not bend on this. YOUR time is your time..not theirs.

Chicken

winterwawa · Joined: 06 May 2007

Lie. Tell them that you are so busy working with privates that pay you that you don't have time to teach that family for free. Maybe they will suggest that you quit doing your "privates" they will pay you more money to teach the family kids.

woodstock · Joined: 15 Feb 2007

Getting out of the private requests from your extended family is not that hard pull off. However, doing so and not creating some bad vibes is not likely to happen.

I'm assuming you're not being asked to do these for free so you could ask for a steep hourly rate to keep requests few and far between. I'd also cite how busy you are at work and how little free time you have as valid reasons for not being able to teach. By giving your family a decent excuse, true or not, it allows everyone to save a little face.

Of course, if you can't stand most of them you could just tell them you simply don't want to do it and won't. Thus, freeing up you and your wife from most future family gatherings.

I'd take the cash and teacht the privates.

Korea! Fighting!

billybrobby · Joined: 09 Dec 2004

If you're married, isn't it legal?

Anyways, just do what Koreans do. Everytime you see them, talk about how 힘들어 you are because you're so so busy. Flop limply on the couch every time you come over. Listlessly complain about some vague back pain or stomach pains. Make sure everybody knows (1) how many hours your work and (2) how few hours you sleep. Keep hammering away at them. Call them up randomly just to tell them that you're too busy to talk, then hang up. Then schedule a few privates and cancel them 15 minutes before you're supposed to show up. Keep doing this and eventually the requests will fade away.

You have to understand, that as a westerner, you're used to communicating to family members through (a) words and (b) sentences, whereas Koreans communicate through (a) guilt and (b) i'll think of a B later.

oskinny1 · Joined: 10 Nov 2006 Location: Right behind you!

My sister-in-law got suckered into teaching my uncle's kid Spanish since she speaks it and works at the same school the kid goes to (she is not a Spanish teacher). It has caused nothing but heartache for her.

Tell them you are too busy with your own family.

ps. Sorry about Reggie. Sad

EricaSmile84 · Joined: 23 Jan 2008

Say no to everyone. Tell them it's because you're too busy. Then offer to recommend another willing tutor to them.

Faunaki · Joined: 15 Jun 2007

jbpatlanta · Joined: 02 Jun 2007 Location: Daejeon

I told them I would give them a family discount of 20%. They asked how much it would be total. I told them that my usual rate was 100.000 won so they would need to pay 80.000 won.

They complained it was too expensive, but they never asked about lessons again.

Some of my nieces will call to ask a quick question about their homework. i don't mind that, they are to unsure of their English to talk to me for long.

cazzy3 · Joined: 07 May 2008 Location: kangwon-do

another reason i'm glad i don't live in the same city as my in-laws!! seriously though, if i were you- why not just tell them that the best way for them to improve their english is by practicing and let the niece or nephew come over for dinner once a week or take the kid to the park.

if you don't like the company of the kids than it's another story. i wouldn't mind 'babysitting' my niece/nephew for an hour on occasion and just practice some small talk.
plus, this way you don't take any money so there is no accountabilty if they think he/she isn't improving their english dramatically. you know how unrealistic some parents can be about their child's english improvement..."What do you mean she can't speak fluently in just 3 months??!!!"

my in-laws want me to open a hogwan in incheon and i think the requests would be coming in daily. i'll stay here on the east coast!!

Trevor · Joined: 16 Nov 2005

However you handle it, remember what a pain in the neck your relatives back home are, also.

Pooty · Joined: 15 Jun 2008 Location: Ela stin agalia mou

Captain Corea · Joined: 28 Feb 2005 Location: Seoul

Ask them what they do for a living, and if they'd be willing to do it for you for free.

Newbie · Joined: 07 Feb 2003

Move back to Canada.

Yes, it's true. I'm a fountain of useful information.

Pooty · Joined: 15 Jun 2008 Location: Ela stin agalia mou

Ya know, this kind of thing has happened to me on occasion with my Korean family...except it wasn't teaching their kids, it was their FRIENDS.

At first I thought they were offering me privates...for money...then I realized that I'd be doing it for free. I went ballistic.

I just communicated my disgust through my wife. It was my wife that approached me about it, and after a long and thorough lecture, she went back and told them how I felt about it. It was never brought up again, in fact - they seemed to treat me with more respect after I turned them down. But I think that this kind of thing isn't limited to Korean culture...rather a lot of people will push us to see how far we're willing to go before we put our foot down. It's just human nature really.