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Janny
Joined: 02 Jul 2008
Location: all over the place
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 Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 8:33 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="the boy next door"]it transitorily came and went but the first time i set eyes on my wife, something beyond magical, something beyond celestial, beyond anything hedonically yielding, some inescapable sensation better than physical life itself and even transcending spiritual satisfaction gripped the sheer essence of my entire being; i just knew i had to marry this woman and spend the rest of my life with her. i just knew if we married, i would be able to make it through this silly world with her but if we didn't marry, i'd end up nothing and sadly perish alone.
that is the truth about marriage.[/quote]
That was the most romantic thing I've heard in a long time. SO nice, it gave me some fuzzies towards my own marriage (sorely needed)...thanks boy
PS I also think Sugar on Survivor is super cool. But I don't think she could win. Let's just enjoy the sugar while we can. |
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Janny
Joined: 02 Jul 2008
Location: all over the place
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 8:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Anyone.....how do you post quotes in your reply. It didn't work for me (see above) |
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JMO
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Location: Daegu
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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| IncognitoHFX wrote: |
I don't think monogamy is culturally relative as the first reply stated. Monogamy is a biological and evolutionary necessity; as is jealousy. People are meant to pair bond in order to ensure the survival of their offspring, thus the necessity of monogamy and the existence of jealousy. There are a lot of other reasons too, some of them are imprinted into our DNA and others are not.
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Mines wasn't the first reply but it was the first to talk about monogamy. If people are meant to pair bond to ensure survival, why have so many societies throughout our history been polygamous?
It seems to me, that if one man has the resources and power to hold on to 5 women, then it evolutionary beneficial for him to do so. |
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itaewonguy
Joined: 25 Mar 2003
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 7:22 am Post subject: |
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Seems like everyone has their own set of moral codes they live by, either forced by religion or non religion, spirituality, following the trend or even freedom of choice...
Was watching Oprah last night and this one couple were on their talking about how they are happily married and plan on living together forever but the woman also loves someone else! the other guy comes over to the house they all eat and drink together have fun etc.., and they go off to the spare room and sleep the night while the husband goes off to bed alone..
And he is perfectly fine with this; because they understand each other�s desires and emotions and I guess have a different set of moral codes...
IS this ok? ( they have two little children in the house also)
To each their own right??
But if we didn�t have any moral codes to live by, and just left marriage to be whatever you desire in your own house hold to do whatever you want, without the basic code of morality then where does that leave the future of marriage or even the future of morality in society? Too much freedom will only cause harm or will it?!
I mean now we are all brought up to believe marriage is something special between two people, it�s a bound which only you share! Etc...
Sure it is... BUT does that mean sex too???
men want to marry a virgin to have something special which is only theirs etc.. some do some couldnt careless.. BUT WHY care!?
We are taught that also taught that infidelity is wrong well in religious views anyway and basic moral views in society...
I guess wrong in some peoples morals views ... obviously doesnt apply to porno actors, sex workers, swingers etc...
I mean lets go back 2000- 3000years ago, women brought their lovers home for sex, it was common for women to have lovers all couples had sex partners or multiple partners in those days it didn�t matter that�s how society was.. You were born into a society where that was the norm...
having sex slaves and many other crazy rules which were practiced!
You think people got jealous??
So yes marriage was just something for title not sex...
So then it seems marriage is nothing more than a code to follow in life and share everything with...
I mean I don�t want someone else banging my wife, I don�t care if she begs me and says, you know this is what I really want to do, I have much more love to give etc.. But I still love you... hey come on humanbeings are nothing but mammals, biological animals it�s our nature to do this blar blar blar.
Whatever!! I�ll be like well NOWAY!! And she will be the same if I asked ...
BUT why do we think that why???
The guy on oparh didn�t give a chit!
I guess we are fueled by emotions and that�s all we are!
Humans keep asking for freedom of rights etc...
But is too much freedom a good thing for morality?
Where do we draw the line...? |
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Cheonmunka
Joined: 04 Jun 2004
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 10:38 am Post subject: |
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There's a couple in my extended family. They have two children. I don't know why they married each other - they don't actually like each other. They often put each other down but mutally do so within each other's presence. There's some agreement that they came to. I think they have done so because of the kids. They need to provide some stability for the kids. Also, because of perception or maybe an actual stigma on them and family if they divorced.
As for me, I'm coming up to ten year anniversary. My wife still acts like the girl I first met, at times.
I think people make bad decisions on who they marry. They don't really know each other, and they don't take a long-term view. Their reasons for getting married might be mistaken.
That guy above on Oprah, in Itaewonguy's post, I think he must be a few cents short of a dollar. His wife also.
About the Asian woman/western woman thing - there was recently in the NZHerald a reader-led editorial about the surplus of single unmarried women aged 35-45 compared to men. The findings were telling - NZ men do/did not find Kiwi women marriageable material. Readers found the average woman in her late twenties and early thirties quite selfish and unsettled. Most young women's wants in a man only went skin deep; they were attracted to playboys and gave men with perhaps less funds and expenditure, a wide berth. Hence, when coming to forty women have very few choices with finding a mate as many decent men have already married overseas or with women from overseas.
This is a not generalizing as this is a publication of readers' views I am quoting. Unfortunately the link has become inactive. |
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JMO
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Location: Daegu
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 7:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow I-guy, little did I know you were a 40 year old woman. You watch Oprah? Explains alot. |
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itaewonguy
Joined: 25 Mar 2003
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 10:46 pm Post subject: |
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| JMO wrote: |
| Wow I-guy, little did I know you were a 40 year old woman. You watch Oprah? Explains alot. |
why you have to be a 40 year old woman to watch oprah?
IM cable doesnt offer that many English Channels, so sometimes I stop on oprah when im channel surfing, if the topics are interesting Ill watch it. |
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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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| EzeWong wrote: |
This may sound "stupid" (especially coming from a guy)
But as a kid I used to pedestal marrige as the one turning point in one's life where they would be complete with 1 other special person.
I used to think that it would be some magical thing that could cross cosmos and move mountains. I used to watch a lot of disney type crap is probably where I got this idea.
Anyways, in a way I still think it's something special. That there is 1 person that will completely make another person "whole". And I used to think THAT'S what marrige should be about.
Although, nowadays... especially being in Korea I know reality is far from it. In fact marrige seems like some worthless term thrown around to mean 2 people that barely like each other getting together for rumbles in the hay. Especially in Korea, anyone will get married with just about anyTHING if "time runs out"...
In a way it's exactly the way you put it: "Marrige is like believing in Santa Claus".
When you're a kid you're taught that marrige is magical and special. When you grow up you see that it's really just a fat guy in a suit.
I'm still pretty broken up about the whole reality... There a support group for this kind of stuff? |
I agree with you. Many Koreans will date and/or marry a tree stump, rather than be alone. Even some westerners stay with someone they don't really find all that attractive, funny, etc., just because they don't want to be alone, or because they are with a person who has money, or the person's family has money and they look good on paper. I have noticed a major trend in Korea, where almost every Korean I meet and talk to is seeing someone. Even the ugliest, dullest Korean guys and girls seem to always have a girlfriend or boyfriend. The girls and guys in my circle of coworkers, friends, aquaintances, and what-not, are always with someone. I know one Korean girl who has had 4 guys in the 2 years I have known her. I know another Korean girl who has had 3 boyfriends in the 1 year I have known her. I met a Korean guy in September and we went out one night. he was talking about another Korean guy who was working in the place we went to, and he said that not many Korean girls would find this guy attractive. But guess what? That's right. That guy actually has a girlfriend. A lot of Korean guys would date a snake if it wore a dress, and the girls would date anything, too. I see it all the time. They think anything beats being alone. I mean, hey, they have to have someone to do everything with, go places with, brag to people on cyworld, etc. I've actually known about people who show off their girlfriend or boyfriend on cyworld, and they are cheating on them as well.....  They just like being able to say they have someone. Sad, actually. Quite sad. Christmas is coming. Th singetrees are probably out there trying to get someone before Christmas Eve so they can be coupled up in time for going to the bars with a Christmas cake....lol. |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam
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| Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 10:56 am Post subject: |
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| I would consider getting married someday. It's not stupid but it's not necessary either. |
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Ivor
Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Location: Wherever you are!! Really! (in Daejeon)
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| Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 12:28 pm Post subject: oh.. |
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Why marry, and create problems..when you can relax, sit back and enjoy your life as it passes by...
WHY MARRY IN THE FIRST PLACE? |
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Justin Hale
Joined: 24 Nov 2007
Location: the Straight Talk Express
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| Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 3:52 pm Post subject: |
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| itaewonguy wrote: |
Seems like everyone has their own set of moral codes they live by, either forced by religion or non religion, spirituality, following the trend or even freedom of choice...
Was watching Oprah last night and this one couple were on their talking about how they are happily married and plan on living together forever but the woman also loves someone else! the other guy comes over to the house they all eat and drink together have fun etc.., and they go off to the spare room and sleep the night while the husband goes off to bed alone..
And he is perfectly fine with this; because they understand each other�s desires and emotions and I guess have a different set of moral codes...
IS this ok? ( they have two little children in the house also)
To each their own right??
But if we didn�t have any moral codes to live by, and just left marriage to be whatever you desire in your own house hold to do whatever you want, without the basic code of morality then where does that leave the future of marriage or even the future of morality in society? Too much freedom will only cause harm or will it?!
I mean now we are all brought up to believe marriage is something special between two people, it�s a bound which only you share! Etc...
Sure it is... BUT does that mean sex too???
men want to marry a virgin to have something special which is only theirs etc.. some do some couldnt careless.. BUT WHY care!?
We are taught that also taught that infidelity is wrong well in religious views anyway and basic moral views in society...
I guess wrong in some peoples morals views ... obviously doesnt apply to porno actors, sex workers, swingers etc...
I mean lets go back 2000- 3000years ago, women brought their lovers home for sex, it was common for women to have lovers all couples had sex partners or multiple partners in those days it didn�t matter that�s how society was.. You were born into a society where that was the norm...
having sex slaves and many other crazy rules which were practiced!
You think people got jealous??
So yes marriage was just something for title not sex...
So then it seems marriage is nothing more than a code to follow in life and share everything with...
I mean I don�t want someone else banging my wife, I don�t care if she begs me and says, you know this is what I really want to do, I have much more love to give etc.. But I still love you... hey come on humanbeings are nothing but mammals, biological animals it�s our nature to do this blar blar blar.
Whatever!! I�ll be like well NOWAY!! And she will be the same if I asked ...
BUT why do we think that why???
The guy on oparh didn�t give a chit!
I guess we are fueled by emotions and that�s all we are!
Humans keep asking for freedom of rights etc...
But is too much freedom a good thing for morality?
Where do we draw the line...? |
Well, in my opinion, people have too little freedom. I could give two massive examples - and, what's more, two massive examples that truly taint the species - but I don't wanna send the thread into offtopic space. 
Basically, Itaewonguy, what you're getting at is the age-old 'where does morality come from if there is no God?' question. My typical answer is actually a question...."is the existence of a celestial dictator the only reason you don't rape, kill and steal?"
I'm an atheist, yet I feel my refusal to rape, to kill, to steal is innate to me. I just don't wanna do it. It's unpleasant for the poor bugger. Humans are, essentially, extremely intelligent animals. Dolphins, spiders, hyenas, lions can all do things we can't, yet, unlike dolphins, spiders, hyenas and lions, human gene survival depends on being nice to complete strangers.
Like JMO said, marriage is all about the law. And the law is all about evolution, since, without the law, it'd be more difficult to pass on our genes. |
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itaewonguy
Joined: 25 Mar 2003
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| Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 6:41 pm Post subject: |
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| Justin Hale wrote: |
Basically, Itaewonguy, what you're getting at is the age-old 'where does morality come from if there is no God?' question. My typical answer is actually a question...."is the existence of a celestial dictator the only reason you don't rape, kill and steal?"
I'm an atheist, yet I feel my refusal to rape, to kill, to steal is innate to me. I just don't wanna do it. It's unpleasant for the poor bugger. Humans are, essentially, extremely intelligent animals. Dolphins, spiders, hyenas, lions can all do things we can't, yet, unlike dolphins, spiders, hyenas and lions, human gene survival depends on being nice to complete strangers.
Like JMO said, marriage is all about the law. And the law is all about evolution, since, without the law, it'd be more difficult to pass on our genes. |
I see what you are saying, but lets not bring gods law into this.
lets talk about Human laws as we have made the laws which govern marriage and killing etc from state to state or country to country.
if we have to much freedom wouldnt we abuse it?
I mean look at a classroom full of kids.. if you dont have any rules and laws the children will do what ever they please right?
in a sense the teacher is GOD..
and eventually it will get totally chaotic and out of control without your rules...
so incase of marriage rules, to keep the role playing game of marriage or boy friend girl friend there needs to be rules to the game right??
if there are no rules, then its do what ever you like based on your own morals!
Example: I date a girl, I accept her to be faithful, but I am allowed to see other women becuase morally thats ok with me..
or
I am married and I can have affairs when ever I chose becuase I am a man . morally thats fine with me... How do moral laws get created by man when all men have different morals? and it seems society creates morals from a man who set the tone in that area...
you get where I am coming from?..
I am not talking about gods law.. becuase gods law is ignored in marriage everyday anyway.. all rules and laws are broken everyday...
with all the new found freedom humans should have Im just wondering what will the rules of the marriage game be! |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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Cornfed
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
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| Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Cheonmunka wrote: |
| About the Asian woman/western woman thing - there was recently in the NZHerald a reader-led editorial about the surplus of single unmarried women aged 35-45 compared to men. The findings were telling - NZ men do/did not find Kiwi women marriageable material. Readers found the average woman in her late twenties and early thirties quite selfish and unsettled. Most young women's wants in a man only went skin deep; they were attracted to playboys and gave men with perhaps less funds and expenditure, a wide berth. |
Yup, they tend to shun good men when in their teens and 20s in favour of whoring it up with a relatively small percentage of male dirtbags. Then when their looks, such as they were, expire, they are shocked that no-one wants to marry and support the worn out, disease-ridden husk. Whatever the cause of the problem, the only rational course of action for kiwi men is to get the hell out of it, as we are doing in our droves. R.I.P. New Zealand society � you were good while you lasted.
***************************
On another topic, I wish someone had quoted my last post in this thread before a mod deleted it for being politically incorrect. The gist of it was that I believe marriage is a control mechanism which the elite use to control men via largely compliant women and the rationing of sex. Members of this forum should be hopping mad that the mods regard them as naughty little boys and girls who should not be trusted to read anything outside their box. |
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Starla
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Mon Nov 03, 2008 1:39 am Post subject: |
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| If you want a lonely existence and die alone on your deathbed, suffering through all of life's hardships with nobody to help you through them then yes, marriage is dumb. Otherwise, I think it's a beautiful thing. |
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