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Kuros
Joined: 27 Apr 2004
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 Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Captain Corea wrote: |
| Kuros wrote: |
2) You lose out on the fear and the thrill of the hunt. Having women come to you means you value them less. You value more what you've worked harder to attain. It may be the woman is deserving of being valued less, but that does not make the man who values her less any happy for valuing her a little over-much. By value I mean something entirely separate from the power a woman wields in a relationship. |
Interesting postKuro, but I'd ask you this..
Does a tiger hunt?
of course
Does a spider?
It's just a different approach mate. |
Oh, I agree. There are no eternal truths when it comes to dating style, only preferences.
Personally, I was born in the year of the Rooster, so . . . |
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Rebound
Joined: 04 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:52 pm Post subject: |
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| ReeseDog wrote: |
| "Have you heard about the lonesome loser?" |
I heard he's beat'in by the queen of hearts just about every time. |
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Rae
Joined: 10 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Kuros wrote: |
| Captain Corea wrote: |
Some time in High School I figured out something that would guide me through my single life - girls had power.
Girls had the power to say 'yes' or not.
And I know you all know that so I'll skip to my revelation...
I wanted that power, and I figured out how to get it.
I'm not going to say that I'm a major player, or that I've bedded more girls than the next guy, but I will say this - I rarely went up to girls first. I generally played their coy game and waited for them to come to me. If they didn't, no harm done... the next one would. And besides, if we exchanged favorable glances one day, the seed was planted for the next.
I didn't like that girls had that power, so I decided to make it my own. I think it worked for me.. but it may not for the next guy (actually, it worked better for me in NA where the girls are more assertive). |
I've been thinking about this a lot. I (as a man) don't have this power, but I don't think I want it. You can put my dissent down as jealousy, but I'll share my feelings anyway.
All things being equal, in the beginning of a relationship, the man has more interest than the woman. Later, they become equal, and some time even later, the woman is more likely than the man to have more interest in the relationship. In any case, I think we can agree that all things being equal, the woman has more to lose than the man in the relationship.
If you invert the power structure, the demand that the man approach the woman, you, the man, lose out on at least two things:
1) You do not get to immediately see how the woman handles her relationship power. Is she compassionate, considerate, equaninimous, etc. Its very helpful to see a woman deal with you and handle you. If she's not at all interested, that's one thing, but if there is interest, the dynamic is revealing.
However, I think I can see arguments that might dispose of disadvantage #1. I'm more concerned with disadvantage #2.
2) You lose out on the fear and the thrill of the hunt. Having women come to you means you value them less. You value more what you've worked harder to attain. It may be the woman is deserving of being valued less, but that does not make the man who values her less any happy for valuing her a little over-much. By value I mean something entirely separate from the power a woman wields in a relationship. |
I understood The Captain's comments as to NOT be a manwhre, which most guys are, not to blatantly ignore a person you're already interested in. As for showing some interest, isn't it a fine line for both genders? I mean showing a little interest in the beginning is good, coming off as a desperate or a stalker is well ... not so good  |
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Kuros
Joined: 27 Apr 2004
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| Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2008 3:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Rae wrote: |
| Kuros wrote: |
| Captain Corea wrote: |
Some time in High School I figured out something that would guide me through my single life - girls had power.
Girls had the power to say 'yes' or not.
And I know you all know that so I'll skip to my revelation...
I wanted that power, and I figured out how to get it.
I'm not going to say that I'm a major player, or that I've bedded more girls than the next guy, but I will say this - I rarely went up to girls first. I generally played their coy game and waited for them to come to me. If they didn't, no harm done... the next one would. And besides, if we exchanged favorable glances one day, the seed was planted for the next.
I didn't like that girls had that power, so I decided to make it my own. I think it worked for me.. but it may not for the next guy (actually, it worked better for me in NA where the girls are more assertive). |
I've been thinking about this a lot. I (as a man) don't have this power, but I don't think I want it. You can put my dissent down as jealousy, but I'll share my feelings anyway.
All things being equal, in the beginning of a relationship, the man has more interest than the woman. Later, they become equal, and some time even later, the woman is more likely than the man to have more interest in the relationship. In any case, I think we can agree that all things being equal, the woman has more to lose than the man in the relationship.
If you invert the power structure, the demand that the man approach the woman, you, the man, lose out on at least two things:
1) You do not get to immediately see how the woman handles her relationship power. Is she compassionate, considerate, equaninimous, etc. Its very helpful to see a woman deal with you and handle you. If she's not at all interested, that's one thing, but if there is interest, the dynamic is revealing.
However, I think I can see arguments that might dispose of disadvantage #1. I'm more concerned with disadvantage #2.
2) You lose out on the fear and the thrill of the hunt. Having women come to you means you value them less. You value more what you've worked harder to attain. It may be the woman is deserving of being valued less, but that does not make the man who values her less any happy for valuing her a little over-much. By value I mean something entirely separate from the power a woman wields in a relationship. |
I understood The Captain's comments as to NOT be a manwhre, which most guys are, not to blatantly ignore a person you're already interested in. As for showing some interest, isn't it a fine line for both genders? I mean showing a little interest in the beginning is good, coming off as a desperate or a stalker is well ... not so good |
I don't believe any of that is really at issue. Particularly not the manwhore factor.
The classic North American setup (and being classic, one may infer there are a great deal of exceptions, especially recently) that the man approaches the woman in some way? Sure, the woman might smile, or signal, but the man makes the first approach.
The progressing stages of the relationship happen once the relationship begins, which presumes that one of the two have already approached the other. I'm saying that men are VERY interested in a woman they may know almost nothing about; you seem to acknowledge this when you perceive them in such value-laden terms as man-*beep* or stalker or desperate. Women are more measured in their expectations at first, generally, all things being equal.
I'm trying to almost make a policy argument for men approaching women, with all the caveats CC himself offered a few posts ago, that we are all different 'animals' or in his case perhaps an arachnid. |
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Oreovictim
Joined: 23 Aug 2006
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| Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Captain Corea wrote: |
Some time in High School I figured out something that would guide me through my single life - girls had power.
Girls had the power to say 'yes' or not.
And I know you all know that so I'll skip to my revelation...
I wanted that power, and I figured out how to get it.
I'm not going to say that I'm a major player, or that I've bedded more girls than the next guy, but I will say this - I rarely went up to girls first. I generally played their coy game and waited for them to come to me. If they didn't, no harm done... the next one would. And besides, if we exchanged favorable glances one day, the seed was planted for the next.
I didn't like that girls had that power, so I decided to make it my own. I think it worked for me.. but it may not for the next guy (actually, it worked better for me in NA where the girls are more assertive). |
Sorry, but this just sounds like an advertisement for one of those How-to-Get-Chicks sort of books. (Birds for the British/Aussie/New Zealand people on here.) In fact, I was expecting to find a link to where you can get the book.
I agree with Rae; it only works if you're hot.
Forgot to add. Where is NA? Is that a country, or are you talking about Narcotic's Anonymous. |
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jajdude
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Confidence can be faked. I think eye contact is key. Often I find it to be a distraction, but women seem to like it when guys look at their eyes as opposed to elsewhere. |
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crusher_of_heads
Joined: 23 Feb 2007
Location: kimbop and kimchi for kimberly!!!!
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| Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 12:20 am Post subject: |
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| Oreovictim wrote: |
| Captain Corea wrote: |
Some time in High School I figured out something that would guide me through my single life - girls had power.
Girls had the power to say 'yes' or not.
And I know you all know that so I'll skip to my revelation...
I wanted that power, and I figured out how to get it.
I'm not going to say that I'm a major player, or that I've bedded more girls than the next guy, but I will say this - I rarely went up to girls first. I generally played their coy game and waited for them to come to me. If they didn't, no harm done... the next one would. And besides, if we exchanged favorable glances one day, the seed was planted for the next.
I didn't like that girls had that power, so I decided to make it my own. I think it worked for me.. but it may not for the next guy (actually, it worked better for me in NA where the girls are more assertive). |
Sorry, but this just sounds like an advertisement for one of those How-to-Get-Chicks sort of books. (Birds for the British/Aussie/New Zealand people on here.) In fact, I was expecting to find a link to where you can get the book.
I agree with Rae; it only works if you're hot.
Forgot to add. Where is NA? Is that a country, or are you talking about Narcotic's Anonymous. |
I'd guess North America. I've disagreed with the good Captain previously, but his experience mirrors mine. I'm no player, don't want to be, but my success with women started after I had a similar epiphany, and I had not read anything to help me along. I know usually that is not the case here in SOUTH korea, but the same scenario has played out twice-but not to my credit, I wasn't deliberately being standoffish, just single minded in doing what I was doing and not paying attention to anything or anyone else until Hyo-mi and the other one later on started chatting me up. |
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crusher_of_heads
Joined: 23 Feb 2007
Location: kimbop and kimchi for kimberly!!!!
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| Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 12:31 am Post subject: |
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| jajdude wrote: |
| Confidence can be faked. I think eye contact is key. Often I find it to be a distraction, but women seem to like it when guys look at their eyes as opposed to elsewhere. |
the classic flirt is eye contact, slowly lowering to the chest and back up to her eyes.
Or his/her/whatever it calls itself these days in the case of CPN. |
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cangel
Joined: 19 Jun 2003
Location: Jeonju, S. Korea
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| Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 4:49 pm Post subject: |
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The absolute worst is being overweight. I have seen fugly physically fit men with super-hot chicks but never moderately overweight 'handsome' men with attractive women-oh so rare. Personally, while looks are a bonus, I would never date a superficial, attractive bimbo over an intelligent, funny woman. But hey, that's just me. I haven't read through all the posts but this is pretty funny:
Attractive Girls Union
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_UbFjUlWnI |
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Faunaki
Joined: 15 Jun 2007
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| Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 5:26 pm Post subject: |
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| justind wrote: |
They might be looking for an egalitarian relationship and financial freedom.
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haha! You have no clue, do you? |
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Tiger Beer
Joined: 07 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2008 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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Women are a mystery.
But, I think if a woman is giving off vibes she is out of your league, she probably is, and that's not a bad thing. Usually means they are very high maintenance and on and on.
If you are in Asia though, I don't think anyone is 'out of your league'. Even the ones who SHOULD be 'out of your league' still might be interested, you never know. |
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brento1138
Joined: 17 Nov 2004
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:40 am Post subject: |
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| itaewonguy wrote: |
Why do these guys get hot girls?? Simple... they have something unique
These days� girls are attracted to unique things...
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I think Itaewon guy nailed it... Girls really do go for "uniqueness" in choosing a mate because it is basic human nature to want something that others want. This isn't just a "girl" thing. It's really a "human being" thing. All humans like unique things. Men like nicer cars, the boat nobody else in the hood owns, extremely attractive women, etc. Scientists agree "hot" women are those who display signs of fertility... and the uncontrollable "reproduction-based" part of our DNA make us want that "rare" woman who is "more" fertile so we can spread our seed and reproduce, having the "best" possible offspring. Women are no different, but they do it in another way... perhaps as some Deoxyribonucleic acid balancing act.
Let's compare ourselves to gold. Which would the average human want? A kilogram of gold or a kilogram of wood? We'd take the gold, since it is rare, coveted by others, and possessing it increases our personal worth/wealth and secures our future. Women see men in the same way... Just as a person might flaunt his or her gold necklace to the world, showing off, hoping to make other people jealous, women may do the same with her man. Although there are many "universal traits" women like in men, they all view "uniqueness" slightly differently.
Unique here doesn't mean having a giant mole on your nose or some deformation. No, girls want a mate who shows "special talent" or a unique feature which is in "demand" or envied by others. Back in the day, they'd get turned on by the man who hunted best, who caught the most Mammoths, who fed the tribe. These days, women look for the same qualities which "Alpha Males" possess... such as confidence (shown via humor and other traits) & success (often shown by personal gain/wealth) & ability (shown by unique talents). They are indeed attracted to looks, due to the fact that other women may covet them, but it certainly is less important to them than the other "Alpha Male" traits described above. Since good looks falls into "Alpha Male" traits anyways, it fits the general picture of what women want... Here are some examples off the top of my head that women like.
- "Funny guys who make girls laugh" - from talking to girls, these guys are rare. I'm not talking about "clowns" here but guys who generally make girls "feel" that magical way... laughing lots and excreting pleasurable chemicals in their brains, the guy who other girls say "wow, he's so funny and cool, I wish I knew him" type thing...
- Musicians - they have a unique talent not everyone has, they can play an instrument... wow! Anyone who can "wow" an audience is automatically in this category...
- Guys with cool forms of transportation - BMW, Lexus, sports car, motorbike, private jet, whatever, girls love it... ever since the knight on a horse, no girl can admit to NOT liking that..especially if the guy doesn't make a big fuss about it
- Magicians - someone who can do something others wish they could do themselves yet have no way to explain how to do it themselves, therefore it is a mystery and makes the man mysterious and talented
- Pro athletes - basic Alpha male physical build, better than most men at their particular sport, shows success as well as talent
- DJs - are often in places where many other sexy women admire them, have music-selection/cultural skills, unique passion, able to control 'complex' machinery some people might only be able to marvel and wonder about
- Mechanics - able to fix cars, a magical feat to some people
- Rich self-made man - symbol of success in a modern capitalist world
- White guys in Asia - unique attractive look & personality
- Black guys in Western Canada or Japan - unique attractive look & personality
- Tattooed people - "rare" and interesting, mysterious, displays evidence of a personality trait which conflicts with "common" American white-bread society & culture
- Doctors - a rare, highly regarded money-making job deemed by society as rare and coveted
- Skaters - shows they are braver than other guys, talented, can do something a girl cannot do on her first attempt thus making it seem as if the guy has some magical power...
There are many other examples. Some women will say they don't find one of the above attractive. It's probably because they don't see the particular trait as anything "special" or unique and interesting. Most of it has to do with the society they are raised in and have grown to believe and accept as the "norms" for what is desired most (in other words, women will desire the normal/prescribed view of her peers of what is unique). Oftentimes, women of the same social circle will agree upon what is desired or not. It is all based on supply and demand. If their friend doesn't want it, the particular female in question will not want it either since they don't live in that particular "world" of desire. Gettin me?
Just call it "Attraction Capitalism" if you wish. |
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mayorgc
Joined: 19 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:28 am Post subject: |
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only 2 things I want to add, going back to fundamentals here.
1. Confidence
2. Risk
Every single piece of advice offered here relates to both confidence and risk.
Be confident (even if you have to fake it) and take a risk.
The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. If you're confident in yourself, nothing else will matter. Fake it if you have to, it's not like she'll know. |
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aboxofchocolates
Joined: 21 Mar 2008
Location: on your mind
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:40 am Post subject: |
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| brento1138 wrote: |
| Just call it "Attraction Capitalism" if you wish. |
I call it "Pseudo-Darwinism". |
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Juregen
Joined: 30 May 2006
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| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2008 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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| jajdude wrote: |
| Funny it's always about looks. Ever hear a guy say, 'She's too smart for me' (possible though) or 'She's too decent and kind'? |
The problem is, if the woman is actually smarter then you, you have even less chance of getting to her  . |
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