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Rae
Joined: 10 Oct 2007
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 Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 11:26 pm Post subject: |
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1st story: There was a guy I met before I left for Korea. He was rich, really successful, Korean (I usually like Asian guys), made me feel all comfortable and he was already planning a meet with his Mom. I wanted to like him. My mother was even asking about this guy months after I arrived. But every time I'd see him, I felt kind of "turned off" and that's saying it in a nice way. I don't know what it was about him, I just really didn't find him attractive at all! It'd go away as the day went on but every time I'd first see him, I was taken back in a bad way for a few seconds.
I felt really bad about it because I'm not shallow and don't think looks are important at all. But it really required a lot of effort to see a future with him.
2nd story: My boyfriend was my best friend before we got together, back in the days we got close because he just wasn't my type. I felt comfortable with him. Through the years, I was blown away by his wit and the connection between us, that and a million little things that are only obvious once you truly fall for someone. I never thought he was handsome until I showed my students his picture and I'd get "Teacher, teacher you're bf is soooo handsome!" .. etc etc etc. So I look at his picture again and think holy shit ...he is handsome!!! How the hell could I have not noticed it before? Any imperfections now just adds to his uniqueness. I will have this man's babies one day! He is perfect for me.
My conclusion is it wasn't about the looks, it normally isn't just about the looks. For me, it was more about "connection". Realistically, no one is perfect and neither are you. Ideally, you need to find your match. Not what society deems ideal. Being with someone just cause you think no one else is out there is not only selling yourself short, but think how you'd feel if you were the one being "settled for" - THAT SUCKS!
I say move on and find someone else. How can you ever meet the right person if you're taken? I think you should pinpoint your reasons, maybe you'll come-up with more than her nose and forehead. Plus seeing past looks only works if you're not repulsed by her/him.
Last edited by Rae on Fri Nov 28, 2008 1:51 am; edited 1 time in total |
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jajdude
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Nov 27, 2008 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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| mnhnhyouh wrote: |
jajdude, I will be coming to get that beer in a few months 
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All right, just come to the end of the bar. |
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crazy_arcade
Joined: 05 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:48 am Post subject: |
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| dharma bum wrote: |
| DrOctagon wrote: |
| It seems like I'm destined to be alone because I can never find the "complete package." Not that being 'alone' scares me; I actually enjoy my freedom and solitude. But I feel if I found the right girl I wouldn't mind having her around all the time. I have yet to find that girl. |
I feel this way as well. I've found someone who I connect with and understand more than I ever thought would be possible, but at the same time, I'm still bothered by certain imperfections and get a little annoyed at the thought of them being there for the rest of my life.
In my case though, I am a little worried about later on in life because I don't think I'll be able to find anyone I connect with better. Now, I like being alone a lot and having the freedom to live my life as I want, but I don't want to be the lonely old guy at the end of the bar. So is it better to spend my life with someone who I have a true connection with (even if things aren't perfect) or to try to enjoy life as a free individual (see a lot of places, do a lot of things, meet a lot of people, date a lot of women, etc.) and hope that I don't regret it when I'm 45 or 50 and there's not so much to do anymore? I don't know the answer, but it's something to think about. |
Don't forget that you have imperfections too. If you can't see past hers, then your connections isn't really very deep at all. |
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dharma bum
Joined: 15 Jun 2004
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 1:04 am Post subject: |
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| crazy_arcade wrote: |
| Don't forget that you have imperfections too. If you can't see past hers, then your connections isn't really very deep at all. |
thanks for that. i should note, however, that i'm not talking about any imperfections (physical or otherwise) with her as a person - though of course she has some, as do i. i'm talking more about imperfections in our relationship itself, and in that way, you might be right about "the depth of our connection." in other words, i love her but wonder if we are truly in love to the extent that we should be together forever.
in relation to the OP, i am in general a somewhat private person and don't often find people i connect with on a deep level, which i think might be the case with the OP too based on his comment that he's never been in love with anyone before (including the girl he's referring to). however, there are worries associated with this that the OP also brings up - mainly the worry that there's never going to be anyone else who he can feel as close to as he does to this girl, even though he's not in love with her. i understand his concern over that and feel it myself - while also wondering if i'm misunderstanding the feeling of being in love that others have, if i can live without love, true or otherwise, and what type of approach i should take to life in respect to love and all the questions it brings up.
Last edited by dharma bum on Fri Nov 28, 2008 2:10 am; edited 3 times in total |
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Starla
Joined: 06 Jun 2008
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Fri Nov 28, 2008 1:11 am Post subject: |
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| If I meet a guy and can see myself kissing him very soon either based on his appearance or his charming personality, then I date him. If I can't, then I don't date him. I never have a problem wanting to get physical with any guy I date because of this approach. I tried the whole trying to let the attraction build a few years ago and it ended badly and with resentment. Trust your instincts. |
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Girlygirl
Joined: 31 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Sat Nov 29, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject: |
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I believe that true love (if it exists) goes beyond sharing the same values, beliefs, ideals, etc. It all comes down to the basic human decency: ask yourself if you truly cherish and value her as a woman. If you did, you would look beyond her imperfections and in your eyes, she'll be the most beautiful (inside and out) woman for you. And if you didn't, then you have issues to work on, then it's only fair to let her go because she deserves better.
Furthermore, some people realize true love after a traumatic experience eg. a loved one fallen ill. So if she passed away, would you do anything just to hold her for one more day? I don't wish this scenario on you, just imagine yourself on your death bed, do you wish to be with her before you take your last breath (besides from you family of course)
Take my 2 cents with a grain a salt. Good luck to you! |
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crusher_of_heads
Joined: 23 Feb 2007
Location: kimbop and kimchi for kimberly!!!!
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| Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:19 am Post subject: |
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| Starla wrote: |
| If I meet a guy and can see myself kissing him very soon either based on his appearance or his charming personality, then I date him. If I can't, then I don't date him. I never have a problem wanting to get physical with any guy I date because of this approach. I tried the whole trying to let the attraction build a few years ago and it ended badly and with resentment. Trust your instincts. |
That's why doing 2 chicks at the same time is so pleasant-you face the prettier one. |
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Fishead soup
Joined: 24 Jun 2007
Location: Korea
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| Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:39 pm Post subject: |
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| If it's her physical appearance that you don't like than why don't you encourage her to get plastic surgery. Some used cars just need a new paint job. |
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schtebe
Joined: 20 Feb 2008
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:35 am Post subject: |
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| Desperation is a stinky cologne... |
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Crashleymoss
Joined: 11 Oct 2008
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
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| Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 7:52 am Post subject: |
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I really don't have any advice, I'm newly married (7 months) so any advice I would give wouldn't be based on experience, as I have very little. But I will tell you this...
My husband is to me, the most sexy person alive. He's gorgeous. He's manly, smart, got a nice booty, I just love to look at him sometimes.... BUT, he's not "my type" in looks. My friend once told me I was funny because all the men I find attractive on TV and such look nothing like my husband, yet, I think he is the hunk of all hunks.
Maybe, just maybe, it's the love that makes him so attractive to me. I have male friends that I love, and most people would find attractive, but I just don't. Would never want to marry them.
Just a thought to ponder  |
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Easter Clark
Joined: 18 Nov 2007
Location: Hiding from Yie Eun-woong
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| Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Faunaki wrote: |
It's one of those things when you've been around someone for a long time and they just get more and more attractive.
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The first time I met my fiancee, I thought to myself "Well, she's really *cute!*" Now, she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I don't care what other people think because she's mine!
The point is, if the only reason for not wanting to be with this girl, OP, is because you don't find her attractive, then there are deeper issues here. And it's best to move on. |
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