Korean Job Discussion Forums

[D-Man]

Here's the lowdown:

My wife's had this private student for the past 4 or 5 months.He is a divorced dude and they meet in his place once a week for 2 hours.The guys a bit of a charmer/artist/poet bullshitter type.

I happen to know my wife's email password and last week I logged in to check some photos from Christmas.I discovered the dude has been sending her love poems and telling her how much she means to him etc.He was calling her his "beautiful queen" and other such nonsense.

My wife is a hell of a girl and she wrote back in her replies that she's happily married and told him to back down a bit and concentrate on the lessons only.She told him not to waste his time as she is married and will not sleep with him.

I confronted her about these emails today and told her to cancel these lessons and now we are not speaking.She said the guy means well and that she needs the money from these lessons.She claims she can handle him even though he is a bit flaky and sentimental.Am I wrong to force her to cancel these lessons?I trust her completely but don't trust this guy.

[crossmr]

Finding a korean who wants private lessons in korea is like shooting fish in a barrel. Unless this guy is paying her $500/hour she can probably replace him in short order.

[travelingfool]

You are totally right! Sorry man, but if your wife truly respected you and had some common sense she would not meet him alone like that. There are plenty of other private students around. That is just a disaster waiting to happen. How would your wife feel if you were tutoring a divorced woman who had the hots for you alone in her apartment? Put your foot down.

[D-Man]

[jay-shi]

It sounds to me like you have trust issues that are unresolved in your marriage.

You reading her emails and her deleting them is a sad sign of things to come.

You should seek professional help, I'm not joking or trying to insult you, but that's what marriage counselors do.

Good luck.

[D-Man]

[Typhoon]

In my mind this is a serious problem. My wife and I had a discussion a while ago about this kind of situation and we both found that it was too close to cheating for either of us to accept it. It is one thing to have friends with the opposite sex, but another to have a serious relationship (emailing everyday, text messaging and having feelings). If your wife is hiding things from you there is more to it. People only hide things when they are doing something wrong. Clearly there are feelings involved and that in my mind is cheating...even if she isn't having sex with him.

If she can't/won't break it off with the guy then you have to seriously ask yourself why. If she is willingly causing problems in your relationship because of another guy you have to ask yourself why. The fact that she didn't tell you this guy was doing this also makes it pretty bad. If she had complained about this guy emailing her and bothering her it is a little different hiding everything from you. All is not well. Then the next problem if she does "break it off" with him, is will you be able to trust her again to not see him. Sorry, but this kind of thing is just a terrible freaking mess. You need to have a long talk with your wife...if he is more important to her than you are then you have an shitty, but easy answer.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but dont' be played for fool.

[Oreovictim]

Wasn't there a foreigner in Japan a couple of years ago who got raped (and maybe killed) by the person she was giving a private lesson to? This situation is not good at all. Sorry, I don't know what else to say.

[SHANE02]

[sobriquet]

The fact that your wife withheld this information from you says something as well.

[jay-shi]

[jay-shi]

[Kimbop]

Hey D-man, be afraid! Be vewy afwaid!

Wouldn't your average K-girl be FREAKED out if her student was sending her love messages? WOuldn't your average K-girl cease and desist any contact with this love guru? Why isnt your wife?

And I call him 'love guru', because this is how it starts. Remember: We're in Korea! Woman-stealing like this happens all the time! It starts with some cute, friendly mushy emails, then continues onto awkward pauses during private lessons, then he'll try kissing her on the neck one day, then your wife (she sounds very nice, btw. TOO nice!) will tell him to stop it, she's married, she can't, etc. Then he'll tell her how nobody will ever find out, please please please, he loves her SOO much. The next thing you know, her lessons are mysteriously lasting 2-3 hours instead of 1 hour, because the wifey stopped to meet her buddy Sujin for coffee. (or so she says)

Nomatter how much you think you 'trust' your wife, this happens. And it's expected to happen in this country. He's sweeping her off her feet, and she's innocent and curious. I'm just looking out for you buddy; I used to pull the same moves with maried women. And it worked every time.

[I'm no Picasso]

Yet another enlightening post from the relationship geniuses on Dave's.

If I was your wife, we wouldn't be speaking either. You'd be in serious *beep* for reading my emails without my permission.

You said yourself your wife is a "hell of a girl" and that she responded appropriately. Sounds like you trust her, but clearly you don't.

If your wife really is a hell of a girl, you can bet this is not the first, nor the last, time she has handled a situation like this. Do you really want to hear about it in detail every single time?

And the above poster is right -- your wife not telling you about this definitely tells you something: that she probably knew you'd do something as daft as post about it for advice on Dave's and eventually have some sort of retarded overreaction like the one I'm sure you're plotting at the moment, based on this advice.

[michaelambling]