Korean Job Discussion Forums

happeningthang · Joined: 26 Apr 2003

Umm I'm not to sure who I can ask this question of being all to aware of how gossip functions in small towns, so I'm throwing this out to the collective wisdom fo the forum....

I have one particular class which is one on one with a 15 year old girl.
(DO NOT jump to conclusions!!!!) I like to encourage my advanced students to talk about anything that's on their minds, thinking that they will be more interested, and motivated to communicate in English.

What's on this particular student's mind is her infatuation with her on again, off again boyfriend, and the conversations lately have been turning towards what she should do in order to win him over. She's very focussed on this goal (she unconsciously hums the wedding march if that gives you any indication), and lately she is asking what it is she should 'do' on her dates.

My response has been uncomfortable laughter which takes the edge off, and launching into complex explanations about what 'love' really is (as if I know).

I know that this is pretty tame stuff having heard stories of teachers who hit on their students, but I'm concerned about what her parents, my director et al might surmise if they hear about these talks. I have a real 'connection' with this student in that I'm acting as a confidant that I do not want to deny or betray.

So help me out and fill in the blank.

I should.............????

ryleeys · Joined: 22 Dec 2003 Location: Columbia, MD

She's 15... at that age I hardly knew what was worth pursuing in life. Protect yourself and tell her that you can't discuss specifics with her.

I find it 95% of the time to discuss students' or the teacher's personal lives with each other in a classroom environment. If she wants to talk about love, fine, but keep it general. Hell, get her to read some songs or poems. But it seems there are far more important things for teachers to discuss with their students.

riverboy · Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Location: Incheon

Tell her that is something that she should perhaps discuss with her mother

kangnamdragon · Joined: 17 Jan 2003 Location: Kangnam, Seoul, Korea

I think this subject is too difficult for her to discuss in her second language. A big misunderstanding could happen.

Juggertha · Joined: 27 May 2003 Location: Anyang, Korea

Let her talk.. you listen?

mithridates · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 7:42 am Post subject:

I would suggest you provide some careful anecdotes about your life, making sure to reference them with the age you were at the time...just tell her what happened, what people did at that time and why they did it. I wouldn't give any advice to her on how far to go. If she asks, tell her to ask her best friend about it as opposed to you...
Good advice?

kiwiboy_nz_99 · Joined: 05 Jul 2003 Location: ...Enlightenment...

I hate to disagree with the fine minds that have posted thoughtful advice here, but personally I would shut the whole thing down completely, and simply say that's not a topic I can talk about with you in my capacity as a teacher.

Guest · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 5:08 pm Post subject:

I remember the day when a teacher was someone you could go to when you couldn't go to friends, family members, and such. Funny how that's being forgotten. Heck, I remember the after school specials on ABC as a kid that had these kind of topics and yet OH NO, RUN AWAY, let her go off and get raped, pregnant, or disease infested just because it's "a no-no." I have no qualms with talking intelligently and appropriately with a student like this.

Mr. Pink · Joined: 21 Oct 2003 Location: China

Well I am not sure what you should do, but I would probably keep talking to her and if she asked what she should "do" I dont have a problem saying sex isn't something that she should use to win the guy over. If it starts to get really serious, like she is telling you things her parents need to hear, then that is when you got to make judgement calls.

I had a similar problem, except the student was a former student who went to university. In her first year she had a snag of sorts and asked my advice. It was a little uncomfortable, but knowing I was someone she trusted to talk to about such a personal and serious situation helped me in my resolve to give the best advice possible.

I agree that teachers hold a position that is special in a students life. I think giving advice is one such position. If it goes beyond academic advice, perhaps that makes the relationship a closer one.

TheUrbanMyth · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Location: Retired

Guest · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 6:26 pm Post subject:

Well there you go ... another fear monger.

A teacher is a teacher in this case. If a student is genuinely seeking advice and it's rebuffer you've done nothing but allow mistrust to be learned. Granted, there is a risk. But hey, let's just be afraid and a "cya" attitude ... that is just where society has gone.

Let's not mention suicide either, we know how talking about it makes people want to do it.

Just as with sex, drugs, and rock and roll (well not rock and roll).

peppermint · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 6:44 pm Post subject:

I would think that it's not really appropriate for a classroom conversation, but if she still wants your advice, give her your e-mail address, or something. That way, there's no physical contact, and less risk of getting caught in something that may seem inappropriate.

I give out my e-mail address all the time, I have one on yahoo set aside for that purpose alone. My students can practice their writing skills, or ask questions if they want to, with less fear.

Guest · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 6:59 pm Post subject:

Precisely .... it's not a group-wise discussion, well it could be, but it probably shouldn't be ...

As do I ... e-mail address, etc ....

Enjoy the holiday

peppermint · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 7:51 pm Post subject:

I think the topic would be better as a group discussion actually. I'm not saying that the OP wants anything to happen, but if another teacher were to walk into the classroom, it might seem imnappropriate, particularly in a one-on one situation.

Guest · Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2004 8:04 pm Post subject:

I think it could be a fine discussion for a classroom. But maybe not in an English class. Sure, it's probably a free talking session and thus would be a fair topic -- in a group it's less malignant in nature, but of course could be inhibited by lack of personal privacy. I'm all for the group deal, but if a facility has an open room, windowed, etc it could go on in auditory secrecy. Dunno, it's a situational deal.