Korean Job Discussion Forums

[michaelambling]

I work at a rural private university; almost all of my students are freshmen.

The vast majority of them seem to get along and are enjoying their newfound freedom, but there is one girl who is very shy and quiet, who always sits alone in class and doesn't seem to have any friends. (She might out of class--I don't hang out on campus outside of my teaching.)

As someone who had difficulties making friends at university, I want to help her and make sure she doesn't go through what I went through, but I don't know exactly how to do it or even how to approach her with this. Does anyone have experience and/or suggestions? Plus, since she's a girl, should I have one of the female professors talk to her?

[buymybook]

I also have a girl who is "shy" according(supposedly) to the father. She doesn't have a mother and the whereabouts in unknown. She is more than "shy," she cries when anyone tries to speak to her(including me, my co-teacher and the "Counselor"). Last term I had a boy who wouldn't talk. Other male students claimed he was "handicapped!"

Back to the girl, I'm afraid the father is abusing her(7th grade) but I don't think there is anything anyone WILL do about it. Koreans/schools don't intervene in cases of neglect that I know of, not to mention sexual abuse or any other type of abuse. In America schools won't pass students who won't talk, thus holding more cards when speaking to the parent(s). Here in S. Korea a student can go to school, not say a word, flunk all tests and continue to the next grade at years end. Sad, really sad! So, how can anyone learn about problems students have in the most difficult cases?

The girl's parent(father) felt offended when the school called and asked whether there might be more wrong with the girl other than being "shy." The father lives off the government, he doesn't have a job, the girl could receive free after-school classes but she won't attend. She is an outcast, as to why is anybody's guess? The father won't tell and the school may never know.

In America students don't get automatic passes, so I'd think that most parents offer more information about their child/problems they may have especially when asked why their kid won't say a word/completely unsociable/unresponsive. In fact, I think the parent could be reported to some social service and there would be an investigation done/somebody would be knocking on the damn door to at least try to find out the nature of the problem?

The girl doesn't even speak Korean to anyone, she just sits there quietly. I hope things change. Let's say the father is abusing her, if she were to talk/tell anyone what do you think would happen to her?

Your student is an adult so she holds most of the cards, but I'd think you could try talking to her. As long as she don't cry you might get something out of her. Chances are she has been abused or is from a poor family, is she good looking?

[michaelambling]

[ChinaBoy]

Leave her alone. Stop pressuring people. No one wants to talk to you.

[TheUrbanMyth]

[Goku]

Shyness is rooted from lack of self- confidence.

A large part of confidence is not caring what other people think. It's a catch 22.

This is somewhat beyond your power.

Building self confidence can come from being so focused on what you do well, that you don't care about what other people think. Or just not caring.

You can't teach it, you can't encourage, nor can you communicate it. She has to experience it herself.

Also, you can't help her unless she wants to help herself. Shyness isn't necessarily a bad thing either, so she may not feel the need to change.

If you really want to help, you would ideally create situations where she would learn to ignore what other people are saying. Or teach her how to ignore her own internal negative thoughts.

I don't believe pushing people out of shyness works. In fact, it makes the situation even worse, by both reinforcing her perception of herself being shy and create stress for her to change.

IF SHE WANTS YOUR ADVICE) I can share my secret for overcoming shyness with people. Have her repeat this phrase many times, internally "I don't care what other people think". Just have her repeat it again and again.

Also, tell her that life is short, you only have a short time on this planet.
It might also help to give her a Descarte theory like "are you even sure that other people exist? Maybe they are just robots set up to test you in this world?"

These however, are just little little tricks. They don't compare to a real life experience of taking risks and being rewarded.

[buymybook]

[Kikomom]

There was a thread here recently about teaching Cursive. Just a thought, but this might be something that may interest the shy ones, something they can practice on their own and maybe even be talented at? Bringing out a talent could help bring them out of their shell.

[TheUrbanMyth]

[buymybook]

[oldfatfarang]

[samcheokguy]

No Korea culture is kind. We are group! We never make anyone kill themself! Korean number 1
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