Korean Job Discussion Forums

[foucault]

l'm korean, middle in my 20s, studying in gradschool and teaching kids in hagwon as a part time job. l met this guy(English teacher, been here for more than 5 yrs) through my friend last year and we hit it off in the first place.

lt's been about a year or so since we got together. l was scared of seeing a 'waegookin' at the beginning but l became totally into him. Though our relationship didn't go very well the whole time(We've got to overcome many obstacles like other intercultural couples have), it got much better as time went by and we had a special connection. We had intelligent conversations all the time, went to the art musuem often, enjoyed heavy movies, etc. We felt lucky everytime we were together and have built up this serious relationship.

But, yeah, the bitterness of love comes as no surprise. One day l went to his place and saw a few pictures on his computer when l looked for some decent musics for a good mood. Ta-da! A korean girl wrapping her body with his blanket which l like most, sitting on the sofa where l was at that time. l asked him only two: Who the hell was she? Why was she here? On asking l realised he was sweating a lot. How pathetic he looked as he was making a ridiculous excuse for. So, on that day, she 'happened' to pass by his place, called him for a drink, and because it was lunchtime(jpg file record said it was taken around 1 p.m.) they had nowhere to drink inside, so she came over, drank, then left afterward. Yeah, nice try. Plus, She had bedroom hair since she felt comfortable and 'safe' at his place. F that.

At the moment my assumption dropped off its veil finally, l was shaking in shock, struggling desperately not to burst into tears. Really had no idea what to say. He, while rambling, tried to convince me that nothing sexual happened, but it mattered no more whatsoever to me. He brought a girl to his place and kept me from knowing it. lt's already cheating.

A thousand of words were in my head but what was the use in what l said? When l got the door to leave, he dragged me to the sofa and said it wasn't a big deal so l couldn't walk away like that. WTF? l pushed him aside and just left. He saw me start crying and didn't force me to stay.

Too shocked to notice how much l got hurt at that time. This happened a couple of weeks ago and still hurts me so bad. He even asked me to come with him when he'd go back. Yet l've had no plan to live abroad, still opened myself to every possiblity for he meant a lot to me. Maybe he was just nobody but with the 'yellow fever'. lsn't it myterious that love grows every new day but seems to stop of all the sudden?

He still contacts me saying he wants to start all over again. Hell no. Though l cannot seem to be in love with anyone else like this, l better move on. Starting this relationship again means starting suspecting and suffering.

Btw, here is my thought. He often complained it's hard to find good korean friends as a western man himself, especially female ones. Inviting them to his place, having dinner, or drinking with them casually sometimes do generate an issue in korea. Perhaps he wanted to put the blame on 'culture difference'? l highly doubt this flexible(not in a good way) principle can be applied to those who have been here for ages. Relationship should be reciprocal more individually than cuturally. Culture difference between a couple? lt's nothing but a tool to justify their lack of sincerities.

[Beej]

Stupid troll.
And if he didnt have sex with her as he claimed, Its not cheating.

[Xuanzang]

Sounds like he didnt want friends, per se. Sorry to hear about your misfortune. I wouldnt suggest giving him another chance as once a cheater, always a cheater. Time heals all wounds.

BTW: who drinks at 1pm? Something`s up with that.

[Janny]

Definitely not a troll. This girl's been hurt.

OP...all young men, at the core primitive base of their being, want to sleep with a variety of women. Some act on this need, others don't. It depends on how attractive the man is and what values he holds for relationships and committment.

So...you two fell in love. I'm sure he does have genuine feelings for you. But he took a chance and had a little fling with this other chick. He assumed / hoped you'd never find out. He might've gotten away with it too (what a moron to keep a picture on his computer).

My opinion? Most men cheat, and their wives / girlfriends never find out. Ignorance is bliss, I say. Can't fight biology. It doesn't mean they don't love YOU. They're just young and rarin' to go, and they see opportunity.

Your guy might NOT have cheated, actually. You're probably more paranoid because of the reputation of male Western teachers in Korea. Give him another chance.

[T-J]

[The Grumpy Senator]

[justaguy]

Troll or not the post is too long to read. OP next time get to the point.

[Beej]

[The Grumpy Senator]

[foucault]

[foucault]

[bobbybigfoot]

[Pwillig]

[samd]

Sorry to hear about your bad experience. Also, don't blame people for thinking you are a troll, we get so many here that posts like yours arouse suspicion.

Your last three sentences ring very true, and I agree competely. Using cultural differences as an excuse in a relationship is pathetic at best. All the problems I've had in my romantic relationships had little to do with culture. If both parties know about the difference, then it ceases to be an issue, as both should understand the other.

[Forward Observer]

This is the thing about life. When we're handed a bowl of strawberries, we want the whipped cream as well. It's never enough, is it? He was lucky to have you, but he couldn't resist temptation.