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MollyBloom
Joined: 21 Jul 2006
Location: James Joyce's pants
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 Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 3:02 am Post subject: setting/achieving goals |
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If someone has a goal or dream to achieve something, but for some reason never practices, or doesn't find the time to work on it, does that mean he/she doesn't want it badly enough?
How do you encourage yourself to work at something? |
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VanIslander
Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:41 am Post subject: |
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do you really want to do it?
or is the idea of it what interests you, but to have actually done it scares you, if not for the fact that it won't be there anymore as a goal, then perhaps because you know deep down it's not for you?
if you really want to do it then follow the advice of the shoe company and just do it!
of course the fear of failure inhibits many from even trying, and there are plenty of other things one does that one ought to nix if one is serious about doing something, as with every commitment of time and effort comes sacrifices to other things one does and attends to
good luck whatever |
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the boy next door
Joined: 08 Jun 2008
Location: next door
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 5:45 am Post subject: Re: setting/achieving goals |
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| MollyBloom wrote: |
blah blah blah...
How do you encourage yourself to work at something? |
is the money right? 
gee...Molly, do you look anything like your avie?  |
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chemicalblur
Joined: 30 May 2009
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:06 am Post subject: |
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You need some greed. And if your friends or family discourages you, find new ones.
Greed is good. |
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uk27
Joined: 19 May 2009
Location: Korea
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 8:24 am Post subject: Re: setting/achieving goals |
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| MollyBloom wrote: |
If someone has a goal or dream to achieve something, but for some reason never practices, or doesn't find the time to work on it, does that mean he/she doesn't want it badly enough?
How do you encourage yourself to work at something? |
Not at all. It simply means they're getting overawed by the thing and are kind of shying away from it, that's all.
Say, for example, a person's goal/dream was to write a novel. They might do some research into it and realise that, *beep*, a novel is, like, 100,000 words in length?!!
They'll either shy away from that or work like crazy for a week or two and wear themselves out by trying to do too much. They'll then become despondent and think they were right all along, that they'll never achieve their goal. Thus the thing becomes all the harder.
What that person should do is seperate their goal into small, manageable chunks. They should forget that figure of 100,000 words that keeps rolling around in their head and overwhelming them. Instead they should tell themselves they'll take it 2,000 words at a time. Every week they'll take a day to themselves and produce 2,000 words.
That way, they know that in one year's time, if they stick to their small manageable chunks then, hey presto, they'll have achieved their goal.
Seperate your goal into little pieces. Have a long term goal but also short term ones along the way. Celebrate getting a certain way towards your goal every few weeks or so; don't wait to feel good until the end because you'll only find another goal to achieve then and you'll have to start the process over again.
Enjoy the process. If you enjoy the process enough then whether or not you achieve the goal could even become immaterial.
Slow and steady wins the race  |
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CeleryMan
Joined: 12 Apr 2007
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:15 am Post subject: |
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| It's called complacency. When procrastination meets necessity you'll make your move...or maybe not? |
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AmericanExile
Joined: 04 May 2009
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 11:09 am Post subject: Re: setting/achieving goals |
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| uk27 wrote: |
| MollyBloom wrote: |
If someone has a goal or dream to achieve something, but for some reason never practices, or doesn't find the time to work on it, does that mean he/she doesn't want it badly enough?
How do you encourage yourself to work at something? |
Not at all. It simply means they're getting overawed by the thing and are kind of shying away from it, that's all.
Say, for example, a person's goal/dream was to write a novel. They might do some research into it and realise that, *beep*, a novel is, like, 100,000 words in length?!!
They'll either shy away from that or work like crazy for a week or two and wear themselves out by trying to do too much. They'll then become despondent and think they were right all along, that they'll never achieve their goal. Thus the thing becomes all the harder.
What that person should do is seperate their goal into small, manageable chunks. They should forget that figure of 100,000 words that keeps rolling around in their head and overwhelming them. Instead they should tell themselves they'll take it 2,000 words at a time. Every week they'll take a day to themselves and produce 2,000 words.
That way, they know that in one year's time, if they stick to their small manageable chunks then, hey presto, they'll have achieved their goal.
Seperate your goal into little pieces. Have a long term goal but also short term ones along the way. Celebrate getting a certain way towards your goal every few weeks or so; don't wait to feel good until the end because you'll only find another goal to achieve then and you'll have to start the process over again.
Enjoy the process. If you enjoy the process enough then whether or not you achieve the goal could even become immaterial.
Slow and steady wins the race |
I think uk27 gives some excellent advice. To that I would add be something of a scientist when it comes to your life. Ask what are elements that make me doing what I really want more likely and what makes it less likely. If whatever you want to practice is buried in a closet and you have to dig it out every time then you are hindering yourself. If you have a space set aside ready to go then you are helping yourself. Are you more likely to do it in the morning or afternoon? What are things that distract you? Can you eliminate them without feeling punished? Can they be used as a reward?
Small steps forward matter. Things can spiral up or down. If you slip now and then don't punish yourself mentally or otherwise. Don't think "next time I have to do twice as much." Slips are human. Forget it and move on to the next time.
Cultivate someone who helps you in a way that helps. People often want to be helpful, but they don't know what you need. This means you have to know what you need yourself. Do you need someone who always raves? Do you need someone who is always honest? Do you need someone to buy you chocolate? Do you need someone to take the chocolate away?
When people know their role, they are happy.
The general idea is all the little things start to add up over time. You will become better at the process as you go.
Finally, love that part of you that has a dream. Never turn against it. Life can force practical choices on us. As John Lennon said "life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans." Chances are there will be times in any person's life where things get bad. The ability to dream, to imagine something better for yourself may rescue you one day. Whatever happens to the dream, never turn against the dreamer. Dreams are hope. Sometimes having a dream is more important than achieving a dream. It can keep you moving forward. |
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weebil
Joined: 24 May 2009
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:49 pm Post subject: |
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it depends on what the goal / achievement is. for instance, i've persistently spent the last three years trying to join / form a rock n roll band without success. through no fault of my own, i haven't been able to find others who share my dedication and/or musical taste, and thus, my goal has gone unfulfilled.
another example involves someone i know who started a business. they ran it successfully for a few years, and it was their goal to be successful and productive in their field. unfortunately, the clientele dried up due to the current economic environment and their business folded. so goals that involve or are dependent on others are often difficult to meet, no matter how much you want to meet them. |
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MollyBloom
Joined: 21 Jul 2006
Location: James Joyce's pants
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| Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:24 pm Post subject: |
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See, I've always wanted to open a small shop of my own...whether it be an antique shop, a bookstore, a unique stationary store, a florist shop...but I haven't taken the steps to do research or move to begin doing it ever. Sometimes I just try to justify that I don't have the time right now, but I think I am also worried about the risk of possibly wasting money on something that won't flourish.
With that said, I wish I could just take small steps in the direction of attempting to accomplish opening one of those stores..but I can't/won't (?). At least if I try and fail, I know it's something not for me, but I can't even take those steps. It's frustrating.
Well, also I'm rather a mess as I want to do so many other things: make money from writing, sell my art, work with nature, teach....
I also have a problem distinguishing between the things that are just meant to be hobbies, and those that can be made into a career.
Having a lot of goals and dreams can be wonderful, but in my case I think it's not a good thing. |
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uk27
Joined: 19 May 2009
Location: Korea
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| Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:08 am Post subject: |
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| MollyBloom wrote: |
| See, I've always wanted to open a small shop of my own...whether it be an antique shop, a bookstore, a unique stationary store, a florist shop...but I haven't taken the steps to do research or move to begin doing it ever. Sometimes I just try to justify that I don't have the time right now, but I think I am also worried about the risk of possibly wasting money on something that won't flourish.. |
Do an online course in business start-up for a year in your free time.
Then spend a year teaching privates outside of school, squirrelling away all that spare dough?
Then head home and open that small bookstore, or florist, or whatever.
Give yourself a set period of time in which to turn a profit. If you do, great. If you don't, big deal.
You can but try |
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the boy next door
Joined: 08 Jun 2008
Location: next door
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:28 am Post subject: |
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| MollyBloom wrote: |
blah blah blah...Well, also I'm rather a mess as I want to do so many other things: make money from writing, sell my art, work with nature, teach....
I also have a problem distinguishing between the things that are just meant to be hobbies, and those that can be made into a career.
Having a lot of goals and dreams can be wonderful, but in my case I think it's not a good thing. |
just do it, girl, goddamit! 
gee, before 'bring the rain' eased my daydreamed fantasy, i always was psychologically like you, baby-girl...wondering where, if it would ever come and if it would ever be my 15 minutes of fame and coin what i could expand into a lifelong financial security blanket!  just do it and what do you have to lose, huh? what, goddamit? you're confused? gee, i'm confused even more and my handsome ass doesn't even know you? why? huh, why? my call? NO WAY! |
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MollyBloom
Joined: 21 Jul 2006
Location: James Joyce's pants
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| Posted: Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:29 pm Post subject: Re: setting/achieving goals |
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| AmericanExile wrote: |
I think uk27 gives some excellent advice. To that I would add be something of a scientist when it comes to your life. Ask what are elements that make me doing what I really want more likely and what makes it less likely. If whatever you want to practice is buried in a closet and you have to dig it out every time then you are hindering yourself. If you have a space set aside ready to go then you are helping yourself. Are you more likely to do it in the morning or afternoon? What are things that distract you? Can you eliminate them without feeling punished? Can they be used as a reward?
Small steps forward matter. Things can spiral up or down. If you slip now and then don't punish yourself mentally or otherwise. Don't think "next time I have to do twice as much." Slips are human. Forget it and move on to the next time.
Cultivate someone who helps you in a way that helps. People often want to be helpful, but they don't know what you need. This means you have to know what you need yourself. Do you need someone who always raves? Do you need someone who is always honest? Do you need someone to buy you chocolate? Do you need someone to take the chocolate away?
When people know their role, they are happy.
The general idea is all the little things start to add up over time. You will become better at the process as you go.
Finally, love that part of you that has a dream. Never turn against it. Life can force practical choices on us. As John Lennon said "life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans." Chances are there will be times in any person's life where things get bad. The ability to dream, to imagine something better for yourself may rescue you one day. Whatever happens to the dream, never turn against the dreamer. Dreams are hope. Sometimes having a dream is more important than achieving a dream. It can keep you moving forward. |
Yes; good words. I'm also getting married soon, so a family is in the future. I am just thinking how I am going to juggle that if I want to pursue my goals. I'm 29 and I need to start having a steady income soon if I want a family. Obviously my husband will be working, so I can pursue my goals if we can live off of one income. If not, I will need to work too. So, do I attempt all these risky situations, possibly not working whilst working towards a goal, or work and pursue my goals on the side? It sort of makes me feel selfish, in a way. |
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the boy next door
Joined: 08 Jun 2008
Location: next door
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 6:16 am Post subject: |
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i'm 27 years old and although i've considered marriage several times, i've seen too many of my friends put their dreams on the shelf in place of their spousal and family obligations following marriage. gee, i've even lost friends after they married because they seemed to lose interest in everything but their married lives and making ends meet. in this day and age considering the present global economic issues affecting us all, even DINKs' have to conserve their resources and focus more on their home than their individual goals. many of my friends before getting married would say that they would continue to pursue their ambitions to achieve something like write, create art or even pursue a music career while married but soon afterwards the weight and obligations of their marriages would overshadow those wishful ambitions and they would inevitably fall into a daily routine of get up, pay the bills, sleep, do it again married life. whenever i am lucky enough to meet up with one and have a conversation about what we always wanted to do, they express camouflaged regret shallowly claiming, 'we're happy with both of us working together and saving for a house in suburbia...blah blah blah' but what happened to your dreams, huh? 
i think that if you want to realize any of your idealistic ambitions or achieve anything that would be purely self-gratifying and rewarding, it's simply stupid to think that you'll do that while married and planning for a family. it's best to stay single like me because you'll have a way better chance of achieving your goals and realizing your dreams.  |
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thoreau
Joined: 21 Jun 2009
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 6:33 am Post subject: Re: setting/achieving goals |
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| MollyBloom wrote: |
| Obviously my husband will be working, so I can pursue my goals if we can live off of one income. If not, I will need to work too. So, do I attempt all these risky situations, possibly not working whilst working towards a goal, or work and pursue my goals on the side? It sort of makes me feel selfish, in a way. |
Why obviously?
Why can't your husband to be chase his dreams while living off the sweat of your brow? |
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MollyBloom
Joined: 21 Jul 2006
Location: James Joyce's pants
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| Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:13 am Post subject: Re: setting/achieving goals |
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| thoreau wrote: |
| MollyBloom wrote: |
| Obviously my husband will be working, so I can pursue my goals if we can live off of one income. If not, I will need to work too. So, do I attempt all these risky situations, possibly not working whilst working towards a goal, or work and pursue my goals on the side? It sort of makes me feel selfish, in a way. |
Why obviously?
Why can't your husband to be chase his dreams while living off the sweat of your brow? |
I never said he couldn't, I just didn't explain his situation. However, since you are so eager to know his situation...
...we already worked that out. After we leave Korea and get married, he is going to be working on pursuing a dream of his while I am finishing my MA. Then, I'll be teaching in the US, supporting us with my income.
If his dream/goal goes according to plan and it's something he can make a career out of, then that will be his job. If not, he will try something else. I'll be working regardless, but he is also persistent in having me pursue my dreams. He said that if he is making enough money when he starts working, I can stop working to fully pursue what I want (or work part time if I want), if that's what I want to do.
As life does not not always go according to plan, things may change. |
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