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Emeliu
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Location: Korea, i'm OMW
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 Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 8:17 am Post subject: Convincing parents |
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| I have a question to all the married ESL'ers, what did you do to convince your gf's parents to let you marry them? I know a lot of parents are opposed to their darling daughters marrying foreigners. My girlfriend especially wants me to convince them to like me before I ask them to marry her. Its an odd predicament. Her parents are really good to her and they are conservative Koreans (from west Busan). I don't know what to do when I get there. Sigh. |
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sakamuras
Joined: 21 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 9:38 am Post subject: Re: Convincing parents |
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| Emeliu wrote: |
| I have a question to all the married ESL'ers, what did you do to convince your gf's parents to let you marry them? I know a lot of parents are opposed to their darling daughters marrying foreigners. My girlfriend especially wants me to convince them to like me before I ask them to marry her. Its an odd predicament. Her parents are really good to her and they are conservative Koreans (from west Busan). I don't know what to do when I get there. Sigh. |
Does your gf speak english well, or do you speak korean? |
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Emeliu
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Location: Korea, i'm OMW
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 9:40 am Post subject: Re: Convincing parents |
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| sakamuras wrote: |
| Emeliu wrote: |
| I have a question to all the married ESL'ers, what did you do to convince your gf's parents to let you marry them? I know a lot of parents are opposed to their darling daughters marrying foreigners. My girlfriend especially wants me to convince them to like me before I ask them to marry her. Its an odd predicament. Her parents are really good to her and they are conservative Koreans (from west Busan). I don't know what to do when I get there. Sigh. |
Does your gf speak english well, or do you speak korean? |
She speaks English very well, and I'm learning Korean as much as I can. |
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AgentM
Joined: 07 Jun 2009
Location: British Columbia, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:13 am Post subject: |
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| How well do you know the parents? If you haven't tried this already, why not try to get chummy with them? Take them out for activities like hiking or other things that they might like. Show them the best sides of your personality. I'm sure your gf could make suggestions. |
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Bibbitybop
Joined: 22 Feb 2006
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:17 am Post subject: |
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Who cares?
Marry her or don't. If it's up to parents' approval, don't bother. |
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Emeliu
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Location: Korea, i'm OMW
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:34 am Post subject: |
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| Bibbitybop wrote: |
Who cares?
Marry her or don't. If it's up to parents' approval, don't bother. |
I care, it shows a lot that I am going to go through the pain of convincing her parents to like me, not to mention they aren't exactly poor, so if they like me enough I can probably secure lots of support. (Just kidding about this last part)
Last edited by Emeliu on Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:41 am; edited 2 times in total |
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sakamuras
Joined: 21 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:36 am Post subject: |
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| Emeliu wrote: |
| Bibbitybop wrote: |
Who cares?
Marry her or don't. If it's up to parents' approval, don't bother. |
I care, it shows a lot that I am going to go through the pain of convincing her parents to like me, not to mention they aren't exactly poor, so if they like me enough I can probably secure lots of support. |
Not sure why that should be a factor...
Would you ask her to marry you if you weren't guaranteed this support? |
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Emeliu
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Location: Korea, i'm OMW
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:39 am Post subject: |
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| sakamuras wrote: |
| Emeliu wrote: |
| Bibbitybop wrote: |
Who cares?
Marry her or don't. If it's up to parents' approval, don't bother. |
I care, it shows a lot that I am going to go through the pain of convincing her parents to like me, not to mention they aren't exactly poor, so if they like me enough I can probably secure lots of support. |
Not sure why that should be a factor...
Would you ask her to marry you if you weren't guaranteed this support? |
Yeah, of course. I would ask her to marry me even if her parents don't like me, but it is very important to her that I do, since her parents have been very good to her her whole life. She doesn't want to upset them. |
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sakamuras
Joined: 21 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:42 am Post subject: |
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| Emeliu wrote: |
| sakamuras wrote: |
| Emeliu wrote: |
| Bibbitybop wrote: |
Who cares?
Marry her or don't. If it's up to parents' approval, don't bother. |
I care, it shows a lot that I am going to go through the pain of convincing her parents to like me, not to mention they aren't exactly poor, so if they like me enough I can probably secure lots of support. |
Not sure why that should be a factor...
Would you ask her to marry you if you weren't guaranteed this support? |
Yeah, of course. I would ask her to marry me even if her parents don't like me, but it is very important to her that I do, since her parents have been very good to her her whole life. She doesn't want to upset them. |
I meant your mentioning of them not being exactly poor part....that you could secure "lots of support". That sounds a bit awkward to say, don't you think? |
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Emeliu
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
Location: Korea, i'm OMW
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:45 am Post subject: |
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| sakamuras wrote: |
| Emeliu wrote: |
| sakamuras wrote: |
| Emeliu wrote: |
| Bibbitybop wrote: |
Who cares?
Marry her or don't. If it's up to parents' approval, don't bother. |
I care, it shows a lot that I am going to go through the pain of convincing her parents to like me, not to mention they aren't exactly poor, so if they like me enough I can probably secure lots of support. |
Not sure why that should be a factor...
Would you ask her to marry you if you weren't guaranteed this support? |
Yeah, of course. I would ask her to marry me even if her parents don't like me, but it is very important to her that I do, since her parents have been very good to her her whole life. She doesn't want to upset them. |
I meant your mentioning of them not being exactly poor part....that you could secure "lots of support". That sounds a bit awkward to say, don't you think? |
Yeah I know, I was just joking. In any case, thats not even 1% of the reason i want to marry her, but it is probably 95% of the reason why it's going to be difficult to convince them. |
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benji1422
Joined: 02 Jun 2009
Location: Los Angeles & Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 12:31 pm Post subject: |
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If you wanna convince the parents you have to have a good plan for their grandchildren. Do not meet them until you are ready to propose. Don't try to hang out with the dad and go bowling/take him on fishing trips like in America.
Bloodline is important. Whats your plan for your future? How many children will you have and how will you support them? Will you always be an English teacher? Will your offspring grow up in America? These are all of the things that Korean parents worry about -- they don't really care what their daughter does with some white guy. Girls are not important to the family blood line since when they get married they are moved over to the other family's (groom's) family register.
Basically the groom's family always takes care of the daughter, so its important that you come from a good family or you have means of support. As far as after that, they are more concerned with their blood line. The family legacy passes to the son so if you steal their daughter and elope, they will be pissed but they will forgive you after you have kids. That's why its harder for Korean men to marry white girls -- more emphasis (or ALL, infact) -- is placed on the son.
Your (future) wife will be concerned whether your mom likes her and accepts her. Even if she acts all western now, her Korean-ness will kick in when you get married. If your mom is mean or indifferent to her, she will resent you. |
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hellofaniceguy
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:24 pm Post subject: |
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If you have to "convince" her parents.....she is NOT the one for you!
What is she...under 18....minors need approval?
Her parents need convincing, your marriage is doomed from the start.....your marriage WILL end in divorce......because neither of you know how to stand up for yourselves and what you believe in.
Their "approval" would only be superficial....behind your back they would resent you.....one of the parents would at least.
Just do your thing man and stand up for yourself. |
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Joe666
Joined: 19 Nov 2008
Location: Jesus it's hot down here!
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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| What hellofaniceguy said!! Don't change who you are and do what you feel is correct for you, PERIOD. There absolutely has to be a lot of give and take for any solid relationship to survive, but to try and convince her parents to like you? If they do, fine. If not, there's really not much you can do about that. Again, stay true to who you are! |
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redaxe
Joined: 01 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Joe666 wrote: |
| What hellofaniceguy said!! Don't change who you are and do what you feel is correct for you, PERIOD. There absolutely has to be a lot of give and take for any solid relationship to survive, but to try and convince her parents to like you? If they do, fine. If not, there's really not much you can do about that. Again, stay true to who you are! |
lol... you guys haven't been in Korea very long, have you? |
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Joe666
Joined: 19 Nov 2008
Location: Jesus it's hot down here!
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| Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 4:16 pm Post subject: |
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redaxe wrote:
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| lol... you guys haven't been in Korea very long, have you? |
I can't speak for hellofaniceguy, but as for myself, about 6 months. I don't believe time or place has anything to do with being true to yourself. If Emeliu wants to put on a mask to make his woman's parents happy, by all means. |
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