Korean Job Discussion Forums

[caniff]

[aznguy]

from my own experiences, living in a large city, you will always find the kinds of relationships the op has mentioned practically anywhere in this world. pick any country and you will get the hanger ons, the users, the fakes and sometimes genuine friends, but those are few and far between.

i think its mentioned in the intro. to sociology, urban settings usually produce social bonds that are based more on using others for ones own gain because of the alienation, isolation and anonymity of city life. its something like that, university seems like such along time ago.

[misher]

[fermentation]

I sort of agree with you OP, but human beings tend to act in self-interest regardless of cultural upbringing. Koreans just express it different ways. I've been disappointed by people from various ethnicities and cultures, but Koreans were the only ones who would straight up ask me to help them with their English when I barely know them. I guess it's actually better because I can filter out who are my real friends and who aren't. That said, I currently don't have any Korean friends unless you count my girlfriend.

[thurst]

as someone else said, unless you're fluent in korean or they're fluent in english it is hard to be a "true" friend with someone. i'm super friendly with one of my teachers from work who lives in my buildling but it requires a lot of effort from both of us to have a semi-meaningful conversation about anything between my broken korean and his broken english.

and even when i speak to koreans who have a pretty good grasp of english i can tell that they're brain is working extra hard to make function in the conversation. effortless communication is almost a prerequise for true friendship imo.

most of the koreans i've met and associate are really kind and go out of their way to help me all the time, if they're like that bcuz we're "friends" or it's cultural or whatever it's really just easier to appreciate people being nice rather than worry about the status of the relationship unless something is going on that is to your detriment.

[red_devil]

It's harder to "get in" that close circle of friends. Once you do and are, it's a whole different world. I've never found guys closer and more willing to "get my back" as Koreans. I would never have found that in LA, even people i knew for years would screw me over on a dime.

[Captain Corea]

[Trevor]

I have a question for the OP.

First of all, I want to say that since I have been in Korea, I have made more friends than I ever had in my life.

None of them are Koreans

My personal experience is that Koreans just aren't very reliable, and yea "fair weather friends" is a term that fits my experience pretty well. They get whatever it is they want and then evaporate when you need a hand with something.

That being said, the OP said she is married to a Korean. I know lots of foreigners who have great marriages with Koreans. They all complain that Koreans make crappy friends! No exaggeration, all of them say the same thing.

My question for the OP is, what is the difference between marrying a Korean and being friends with one? How come, statistically, people seem to be a lot happier with their Korean spouses than their Korean friends?

[Papa Smurf]

This thread is very relelvant to a lot of reflections i've been having recently.

In general, I just don't get Koreans. Don't connect with them. I have a few Korean "friends" who have been really kind to me, and we've done cool stuff together. But, there's just something that's not there. Maybe it's the difference in sense of humor, the inability to get good banter going because of the language barrier. Most of all, i feel it's their lack of frankness in certain situations. Particularly when it comes to hiding their minds, and their real opinions on things. I find it irksome that they often hide their true opinion on things in Korea, too. It's hard to describe, but here's a trivial example: With guys, you've always got that great common bond, the great equaliser; the pursuit of sex. But, even some guys refuse to admit that Korean women are interested casual sex. I find that kind of nonsense irritating.

I've also experienced the fair weather friends situation. Sometimes i feel like the English teacher friend, the handsome foreigner, trendy friend. I've been put in a number of awkward situations where i've been invited for drinks by guy "friends" and suddenly a couple of really awkward girls show up, and the conversation turns to teaching them English or going to the movies.

[earthbound14]

Without reading any of the replies so far, I will say this.

I think your point of view may be skewed because the majority of Koreans who see you in Korea think one thing...English. So you are approached by these people and you are not appraoched ny the more genuine folks. I don't think this says much about Koreans, other than what most of us may already know, they are driven to insanity over English, will pay huge sums of money to learn it, have a huge love of western things (or at least the prestige of knowing about, going to, owning....). These are people that only where English shirts (not Korean ones) yet never seem to know what the hell is on the shirt. English here is like heroin to a junkie.

I think getting past this as an English speaker in Korea is pretty tough. It's like trying to ask Nigerian people (in Nigeria) to see you as anything other than a walking ATM machine. I'm not saying anything bad about Nigerians, just commenting on the state of Nigeria.

A select few do, but most of the people who make the point to get to know you have an alterior motive.

This doesn't really say anything about Korean society or the lack of morals of Koreans, but rather the fact that we draw people only interested in English. We attract those who are not genuine. It's hard to make friends with folks not interested in English sometimes because they don't speak English.

So the best way to make Korean friends:

Learn Korean and pretend you are Spanish or something.
Meet Koreans who have been over seas long enough not to need you as a teacher and who are more interested in you as a friend who actually can understand them (perhaps they have a hige collection of obscure western music no Korean would appreciate).

Of course at the end of the day I too have few Korean friends and choose not to talk to Korean people while I'm out and about just so I can avoid the constant drivel about English, America or English teachers. I like Koreans who do not speak English yet somehow seem to be understanding of my situation and uninterested in English. Very rare, but they are a real treat as they make a point to speak Korean so that I can understand better and they are usually pretty kind.

[earthbound14]

[Real Reality]

[PatrickGHBusan]

[redaxe]

[doggyji]