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Panda
Joined: 25 Oct 2008
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 Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:18 am Post subject: "Serious" question about relationship |
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I got high score in almost every course I took in school......And I learn new things very fast... My brain works well so far in this respect.
But I have never been smart in dating guys, ir seems I have no problems meeting guys or getting into a relationship, but I suck at keeping them, as a result, all my relationships ended short.
I am not a teenager girl thus when I date, I would love to think about things like if its possible to stay together after finish in Korea etc. I would avoid guys I couldn't see a future with or basically who don't want kids ( I love kids).
However I know talking about future or some serious topics is a big turn off or great pressure for most guys, especially in the beginning of a relationship.
Can any smart girls or guys here tell me how to set the pace of a relationship and what is the right time to bring up those serious questions. Or maybe should never we? 
Thanks |
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Gibberish
Joined: 29 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:23 am Post subject: |
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Yes, since we all know that intellectual aptitude and dating people are 100% absolutely related and completely intertwined.
My advice is to get in shape, learn when to not talk, and watch this video and follow the advice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ua-IDQRhnI |
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DrugstoreCowgirl
Joined: 08 May 2009
Location: Daegu-where the streets have no name
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 12:52 am Post subject: |
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| I think it's pretty easy to tell within the first few months if it's going to go anywhere. You don't even have to have a specific talk about marriage or kids to know your partner's feelings. |
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jamesteacho
Joined: 11 Jun 2009
Location: Non of your business/somewhere in shibuya Japan
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:15 am Post subject: |
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| if i were you i wouldn't be posting your question here. Not on Dave's. everybody is experts at "rotating" and "playing" multiple girls at same time. they won't know anything about serious stuff |
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PARAMDUNGI
Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Location: Busan
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:52 am Post subject: |
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| Expectations are dangerous. Enjoy the good times and stay in the moment. Start looking ahead and you take a big risk. |
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Panda
Joined: 25 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 2:16 am Post subject: |
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Yes, since we all know that intellectual aptitude and dating people are 100% absolutely related and completely intertwined.
My advice is to get in shape, learn when to not talk, and watch this video and follow the advice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ua-IDQRhnI |
Good vid...He really made the point, Its true I just read too much [Mod Edit] magzines and got pissed off each time.
| Quote: |
| I think it's pretty easy to tell within the first few months if it's going to go anywhere. You don't even have to have a specific talk about marriage or kids to know your partner's feelings. |
You are so right~! |
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Panda
Joined: 25 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 2:29 am Post subject: |
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| if i were you i wouldn't be posting your question here. Not on Dave's. everybody is experts at "rotating" and "playing" multiple girls at same time. they won't know anything about serious stuff |
I am sure I wont take all advices here. BTW, I have never dated pure-blood [Mod Edit]. Almost all guys I dated are pretty nice, so I believe I can tell good advices from bad ones.
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| Expectations are dangerous. Enjoy the good times and stay in the moment. Start looking ahead and you take a big risk. |
It is a good advice for people in their early 20s. I am old enough to NOT stay in the moment....... hehe [/quote] |
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smartwentcrazy
Joined: 26 Feb 2009
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:14 am Post subject: |
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There's a good quote I usually abide by, something I believe that can be applied to everyday life, relationships, etc.
"You can't change the past. But you can ruin the present by worrying about the future."
Don't worry too much. If you and your partner get along, things will unfold by themselves. If not, take it as a learning experience and move on. The one thing I attribute to broken relationships is unrealistic expectations. Don't be unrealistic in any of your expectations, be open to everything. Life is full of experiences, why would you want to miss or rush any of those moments? If things don't work out, it's not the end of the world. Just appreciate what you've been through, live and learn. |
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bacasper
Joined: 26 Mar 2007
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Patrick Bateman
Joined: 21 Apr 2009
Location: Lost in Translation
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:49 am Post subject: Re: "Serious" question about relationship |
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| Panda wrote: |
I got high score in almost every course I took in school......And I learn new things very fast... My brain works well so far in this respect.
But I have never been smart in dating guys, ir seems I have no problems meeting guys or getting into a relationship, but I suck at keeping them, as a result, all my relationships ended short.
I am not a teenager girl thus when I date, I would love to think about things like if its possible to stay together after finish in Korea etc. I would avoid guys I couldn't see a future with or basically who don't want kids ( I love kids).
However I know talking about future or some serious topics is a big turn off or great pressure for most guys, especially in the beginning of a relationship.
Can any smart girls or guys here tell me how to set the pace of a relationship and what is the right time to bring up those serious questions. Or maybe should never we?
Thanks |
Three things:
1. I take it you and these guys are in Korea. That's not exactly the best place to be meeting your life partner, especially if one or both of you plan on returning home to a different country.
2. If you mention things like marriage and children too early, almost any sane guy will get freaked out. If you jump on the serious commitment boat too early, they'll think you are more interested in your objectives than you are with them personally.
3. If this happens with a lot of guys, you may want to give yourself an honest look over to see what it is about your personality that makes them fear the longterm.
As far as setting the pace of a relationship; if you cannot gauge it while in the relationship, it's a pretty bad sign. To do so though, is pretty easy. You two are out and see a kid do something goofy. You say, "aw, what a cute kid!" What's his reaction? Such small, seemingly innocuous things speak volumes. |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam
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MattAwesome
Joined: 30 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 4:54 am Post subject: |
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| I would wait 6 months before talking about anything remotely serious. most of us are only here for a year and already have commitment issues. |
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Panda
Joined: 25 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 4:58 am Post subject: |
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First of all, sorry mod, I swore.
Second of all, thanks for all these great great comments you guys gave.
I couldn't stop nodding my head while reading them.
I have made lots of lots of stupid mistakes ever since I started to date, although I also improved myself incredibly, I have so many to fix in the future, that being said, the more I inspect myself, the more I am pissed off.
I am learning thus doing better and better, but the cost is huge, I missed many good guys in my life, my heart has also been broken several times.
I wish I read this earlier, but what can I say: after all, tomorrow is another day  |
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Triban
Joined: 14 Jul 2009
Location: Suwon Station
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Are you the chick in that picture? If so, I can be a man on the street but a freak in the bed. I am also a Gemini. |
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Joe666
Joined: 19 Nov 2008
Location: Jesus it's hot down here!
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| Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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It may not necessarily be you. How many of these "relationships" are you refering to. Sometimes things just don't work out. There could be a millions reasons why. Don't change who you are or what you believe, based on trying to land a mate for marriage.
By the way you type your English, you might be an Asian female. I personally believe the whole idea of marrying because of age, social pressure, parental pressure is a bad idea. Arranged marriages, bad idea!!
I am not inferring that this is the case with you, just throwing it out there. |
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