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Advice Needed! Help with K-gf's father.
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Bramble



Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Location: National treasures need homes

PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OP, it's really unfortunate that you didn't work all this out before moving in. Was there a misunderstanding, or did you move in knowing dogs weren't allowed and hoping to change your FIL's mind? If it's the latter, I think you were irresponsible for not making the terms of the arrangement clear ... OTOH, if he suddenly sprang the rule on you after letting you move in with your dog, he's the one who's being unreasonable and he can't really get angry with you for wanting to move out.

I'd say be diplomatic and try your best to persuade him to tolerate the dog ... but if that doesn't work, you should definitely go back to the one-room until you can afford your own place.

Did you adopt that dog who was advertised on the ARK board a while ago? (Lola, I think?) If so, that dog has already lost one family because her first family didn't plan far enough in advance. Don't put her through that again.

ETA: I posted this before I saw T-Dot's post. Of course if you can buy the apartment, that would be a great solution for everyone. I hope it works out.
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cj1976



Joined: 26 Oct 2005

PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why don't you buy a kennel? If it's only short-term then having the kennel will appease the old man and you can sneak the dog in when he's not around. Everyone's a winner.
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eslguyinsanbon



Joined: 22 Jul 2007
Location: Mokpo, South Korea

PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

CJ, the dog in question is a 50lb Bulldog. There's no "sneaking" in a kennel big enough to fit him in. We do have a kennel for him, but it's too big and too heavy to carry him in (we live on the 4th floor with no elevator).
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Ukon



Joined: 29 Jan 2008

PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Discuss it with pops over some nice boshin tang
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Xuanzang



Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Location: Sadang

PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 10:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was totally uncalled for Ukon. eslguy you can try to buy him out but the best option would be to give the dog away. You don't want a resentful or spiteful father in law. Dogs can always be replaced but relations with your in laws can remain frosty til death (possibly theirs).
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gregoriomills



Joined: 02 Mar 2009
Location: Busan, Korea

PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OP
Which is more important to YOU? Your dog's well being (not ending up possibly being eaten in some Korean's soup) or your relationship with your Father in law?
He probably expects you to do what he wants since he's older and yall are living in Korea. I guess that's a drawback of marrying and staying in Korea.
Personal advice: never rent a place to live from your father in law, especially if he's Korean.
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peemil



Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Location: Koowoompa

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 4:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Launch the dog.
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Juregen



Joined: 30 May 2006

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 5:09 am    Post subject: Re: Advice Needed! Help with K-gf's father. Reply with quote

eslguyinsanbon wrote:
Ok, so a bit of background. My gf and I have been together for almost a year, and have been living together for about 5 months in the tiny one-room my school provided for me. We own a brand new car together, a 1 year old bulldog, and everything is great.

Two weeks ago, we moved into an apartment that her dad owns and is renting to us. Since we plan to marry soon, he decided that he would furnish the place for us. Before we moved, he said that he wasn't a big fan of dogs, but we thought that that would kind of work itself out since her dad was so happy about the relationship.

Fast forward 2 weeks, now that we're all moved in, her dad has decided that we either, A: Have to get rid of our dog or B: Move out.

Now, the way I see it, neither are really an option. Where I come from, I was brought up believing that having a pet is a lifelong commitment (the life of the pet), so I don't see as how I can just give him up for adoption (that and it's not going to be easy finding a new home for a 50lbs English bulldog).

Option B, moving out, is also not really a desirable option as it'll mean moving back into a one-room.

The other problem is that if we stay, and get rid of our dog, we're going to be ticked with her dad. If we move, we'll be ticked with her dad for having to go back to a [Mod Edit] one-room (leaving a 3bedroom 2bath villa behind) and her dad will be ticked with us since he just paid to furnish our apartment.

So, I guess this is mostly a rant, but wondering if anybody out there has any suggestions at all. Of a possible 3rd option...??


Option three

Ignore.
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 3:17 pm    Post subject: Re: Advice Needed! Help with K-gf's father. Reply with quote

Quote:

Option three

Ignore.


Worst possible option.
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Gibberish



Joined: 29 Aug 2009

PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A dog is just a dog, even in Korea, where a dog is just a dog and also delicious when smoked.
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mlh



Joined: 09 Oct 2008

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 3:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

If I were you I'd try and figure out why specifically he didn't want the dog. Does he just not like dogs? Or is he afraid that your dog will damage the property?

If he's afraid of property damage maybe you can manage a compromise. Perhaps you could offer to give him a deposit or something and agree that if the dog damages the apartment you'll move out and pay for the repairs (and he'll have the deposit to ensure repair costs are covered). That way maybe he'd be willing to give your dog a test run and once he sees that your dog wont damage the apartment he'll be more willing to let you keep it.

That said if he wont budge I'd move back to the smaller apartment (or maybe you can get your school to give you a housing allowance instead and find a bigger place?).

Dogs aren't particularly well treated here, especially larger ones and finding another home for a 50lb bulldog would be very difficult here. I have a 50lb jindo-mix here that I rescued from the shelter and they were so happy when I took him because they told me how difficult it is to find larger dogs homes here.

I've seen how Koreans treat larger dogs here (usually leaving them chained up outside or in cages) and there's just no way after rescuing my dog I'd re-home him here in Korea. I just wouldn't trust he'd go to a good home and I agree that a pet is a commitment and you can't just get rid of the dog because he's no longer convenient.

Those that say a dog is just a dog and just get rid of him just don't get it. No a dog isn't a child but that doesn't mean a pet isn't a family member and I think its lame to dump pets because they complicate life a little.
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hellakitty



Joined: 15 Sep 2007
Location: Variable

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 8:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Why would anyone ever get a 50 pound dog if they are living in a one bedroom apartment? The poor guy needs space!

Epic fail in planning ahead, OP.
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hellofaniceguy



Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 3:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A man would move out. Period. A boy would complain.
Take care of your GF and the dog on your own. Suck it up and get a small place if need be. I would have nothing to do with the GF's dad ever again...he backed out on his word allowing the dog. Screw me once, shame on you....screw me twice, shame on me. The GF's dad will be giving you more problems that obviously you DO NOT see coming.
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PatrickGHBusan



Joined: 24 Jun 2008
Location: Busan (1997-2008) Canada 2008 -

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 5:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hellofaniceguy wrote:
A man would move out. Period. A boy would complain.
Take care of your GF and the dog on your own. Suck it up and get a small place if need be. I would have nothing to do with the GF's dad ever again...he backed out on his word allowing the dog. Screw me once, shame on you....screw me twice, shame on me. The GF's dad will be giving you more problems that obviously you DO NOT see coming.



While
I agree with the moving out on your own part...the rabid rant against your GFs father is best ignored.
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djsmnc



Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe

PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 6:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Gibberish wrote:
A dog is just a dog, even in Korea, where a dog is just a dog and also delicious when smoked.


Yeah, I was just going to recommend serving the dog to dad for dinner and he'll treat you like gold the rest of his life!
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