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carpetdope
Joined: 13 Oct 2008
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 Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:52 pm Post subject: |
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| I smell a great big steaming pile of troll. |
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asylum seeker
Joined: 22 Jul 2007
Location: On your computer screen.
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| Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Panda wrote: |
No, I don't think it would work.
I used to know a couple who were in an open relationship, but it didnt last long.
I watched a documentary a while ago, telling stories of those porn stars, one thread was how those people dated in their real life.
There were a couple, both of them were porn stars..Their relationship must have been the opennest relationship in the world, cuz they not only knew their significant other was having sex with others, but sometimes they saw that with their own eyes.
Even so, they still boke up in the end, and the reason was, they would get jealous at times, and they didnt trust each other........
My point: even porn stars couldnt stay in a relationship without trust, how could we normal people? |
Your evidence is anecdotal. A couple of cases does not build much of a case and that one couple were porn stars does not mean that they had an ideal open relationship. To me an open relationship doesn't mean 24/7 trying to bang as many other people as possible it just means not closing yourself off to the possibility of ever being with another person. There are safe, mutual ways that both partners could have other sexual experiences (ie swingers clubs).
The thing that you and many of the other anti-open relationship advocates are ignoring here is that many 'closed' relationships don't work either:
| Quote: |
"The Americans for Divorce Reform estimates that "Probably, 40 or possibly even 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue." |
http://www.divorcerate.org/
I understand that it is a very noble gesture to promise yourself to one person and to one person only for the rest of your life but on a practical level it often seems to fail. We human beings in reality are not as noble as we like to think we are.
There are millions of people who become so miserable and disillusioned with their 'closed' relationship that they see no other option but to divorce with all the associated damage that that can cause. How many of these marriages could have been potentially saved if the partners could have agreed to a mutual open relationship instead of cheating on each other or divorcing their spouse to be with another person?
Nobody's claiming that 100% of open relationships will be successful but if it suits some people's personality traits better then it might well be a better choice for them. If you're a very jealous person then of course an open relationship is not the right relationship for you but you shouldn't assume that everyone else has that same kind of jealousy. |
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asylum seeker
Joined: 22 Jul 2007
Location: On your computer screen.
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| Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Olivencia wrote: |
| Free AIDS |
Idiocy. Who said it has to be unsafe sex? |
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Triban
Joined: 14 Jul 2009
Location: Suwon Station
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| Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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I think I want to be in a relationship, but in Korea that is hard for me; I have actually been severely conflicted over this. There are a couple of girls I am interested in and the feeling is mutual, but I don't want to get wrapped up and make the wrong choice; then again, I am thinking it would be nice.
It sucks. |
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Panda
Joined: 25 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 11:38 pm Post subject: |
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| asylum seeker wrote: |
How many of these marriages could have been potentially saved if the partners could have agreed to a mutual open relationship instead of cheating on each other or divorcing their spouse to be with another person?
Nobody's claiming that 100% of open relationships will be successful but if it suits some people's personality traits better then it might well be a better choice for them. If you're a very jealous person then of course an open relationship is not the right relationship for you but you shouldn't assume that everyone else has that same kind of jealousy. |
I agree with you open relationship is a personal choice.
but...WOW.......I donno so many failed marriage could have been saved if the couples stayed peacefully in an open relationship. Even as you said one or two cases didnt speak well for all, could you make a single example for your comment? Could anyone who ever did marriage counseling tell me if they had got such advice before?
As you said, the majority were 40-50, very likely they had kids. how open would a relationship be to their kids then? Be open between themselves and cheat on their kids?
eh...I am just too bored and have to keep on making nonsense here.  |
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asylum seeker
Joined: 22 Jul 2007
Location: On your computer screen.
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| Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 12:53 am Post subject: |
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| Panda wrote: |
| asylum seeker wrote: |
How many of these marriages could have been potentially saved if the partners could have agreed to a mutual open relationship instead of cheating on each other or divorcing their spouse to be with another person?
Nobody's claiming that 100% of open relationships will be successful but if it suits some people's personality traits better then it might well be a better choice for them. If you're a very jealous person then of course an open relationship is not the right relationship for you but you shouldn't assume that everyone else has that same kind of jealousy. |
I agree with you open relationship is a personal choice.
but...WOW.......I donno so many failed marriage could have been saved if the couples stayed peacefully in an open relationship. Even as you said one or two cases didnt speak well for all, could you make a single example for your comment? Could anyone who ever did marriage counseling tell me if they had got such advice before?
As you said, the majority were 40-50, very likely they had kids. how open would a relationship be to their kids then? Be open between themselves and cheat on their kids?
eh...I am just too bored and have to keep on making nonsense here. |
I said 'how many' not 'so many'. It's a rhetorical question not a statement so I don't have to provide any examples.
Just because marriage counselors don't advise it doesn't mean it couldn't work.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'cheat on their kids'. |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 1:58 am Post subject: |
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I can not deal with open relationship. Either he's mine, or he's not.
I don't have a problem with him flirting or whatever (although I'd probably bitch about it), but at the end of the day, he has to be in bed with ME and no one else.
That's my take on things. |
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djsmnc
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe
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| Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 7:27 pm Post subject: |
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| I just want an open. To hell with the relationship part! |
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Aelric
Joined: 02 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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My friends Kenan and Samantha have a healthy and open relationship. The trick to it, they say, is that they always share, as in threesomes. Of course, if your going to have threesomes, it helps if both of the original couple are bisexual, which they happen to be. They have been together for about 10 years now and are probably the most solid relationship I personally know.
That said, I couldn't do it. It seems a little too much like cheating, even if both parties were cool with it. Plus I know that whoever I was dating was getting laid with someone else while I most likely couldn't get a date, so I'd just stew in a jealous fit. |
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DWAEJIMORIGUKBAP
Joined: 28 May 2009
Location: Electron cloud
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| Posted: Tue Oct 27, 2009 11:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Triban wrote: |
I think I want to be in a relationship, but in Korea that is hard for me; I have actually been severely conflicted over this. There are a couple of girls I am interested in and the feeling is mutual, but I don't want to get wrapped up and make the wrong choice; then again, I am thinking it would be nice.
It sucks. |
I'll always be here honey.
I couldn't do an open relationship. If any of you have ever been in love you'll know that it would make you jealous as hell and would be an emotional minefield and I'd imagine that the partner wanting to do it and happy with the arrangment wouldn't really be in love with the other. And I'd never get into a relationship without being in love as it's pointless (take heed Triban.) |
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MattAwesome
Joined: 30 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:41 am Post subject: |
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i am more confident a guy could do it more easily than a woman. women always seem to form some sort of attachmentto a guy. starts as being friends with benefits thing, but never stays that way. a guy on the other hand will have several "girlfriends" but will still be mad if she sleeps with another guy.
i think as long as both parties are honest and not trying to hide they arent exclusive, it isnt a problem. |
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blurgalurgalurga
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Wed Oct 28, 2009 6:46 am Post subject: |
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Open relationships rarely work.
Closed relationships rarely work.
So, what to do with that?
"Have fun! and don't hurt anybody, as far as possible," as some wise jerk famously said.
I can't really improve on it. |
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soakitincider
Joined: 19 Oct 2009
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:09 am Post subject: |
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Keep it simple: Rent it or get a F#$%$ buddy.
 previous poster nailed it. Hand it out where possible and wash it frequently. Helmet man marches on!
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blurgalurgalurga
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:53 am Post subject: |
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Devils advocate here, soak it in cider--
"Helmet man marches on, indeed, but he (or she) marches on alone...and that's not that fun, once you hit your forties and fifties.
"Functional, yeah, and attractively simple, but it's good to wake up with somebody you really like, or even love. Also the sex is better, a lot of the time, than it is with some random mutant you've rented." |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:10 am Post subject: |
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| Aelric wrote: |
| My friends Kenan and Samantha have a healthy and open relationship. The trick to it, they say, is that they always share, as in threesomes. Of course, if your going to have threesomes, it helps if both of the original couple are bisexual, which they happen to be. They have been together for about 10 years now and are probably the most solid relationship I personally know. |
I dunno if I'd call that an open relationship. They'd have to agree on who they want to bring home. It's not like they can just go and bang anyone they want. Maybe it's half open. |
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