Korean Job Discussion Forums

[richardlang]

I vote yes. I see my girlfriend three times a week. This week, it's been two. And I'm seeing her tomorrow, Friday. However, that's not enough, according to her. I neglect my friends and most outing activities.

I want to see her as much as I can. However, I'm busy with graduate school studies (M.A.). That's the only thing I'm busy with. Not going out and seeing other friends. Simply studying and, as a result, gaining weight somehow. I get a guilt trip from her for texting her two hours later if I'm busy at work or in meetings there. This has happened maybe 4 times ever. Too much guilt. It makes me feel like a bad person even though I shouldn't think that way.

For her, and by her logic, she feels uncared for and unneeded. However, it's neither of those things. I'm simply loaded down with studies and lesson planning. She says she wants someone who is more free to be with her. Someone who isn't busy. Oddly, she's in graduate school, too. At SNU in the aesthetics and philosophy M.A. program. She works at night as an English tutor and has split schedules all the time. Teaches in two different cities. She's a smart woman, but I don't see how she can see me more than 3 times a week and on the weekends. She just does it. I do it, too, as much as I can. However, I can't do it all the time. We live 40 minutes away, which is completely doable and not too bad a distance/time by the subway and a taxi.

We've been together one year, exactly. This weekend I had planned to see my friends on Sunday, and she and I were going to take a trip together. She said Saturday was the day. So I planned to meet 5 of my friends whom I haven't seen in over a year for dinner. We all emailed and set up a date and place. They're all busy people and live at different ends of Seoul. I live 50 minutes outside Seoul.

She changed our trip to Sunday at the last minute. She said she could change her schedule to make our trip on Saturday, though. However, it would take a lot of rearranging of her tutoring schedule. But she doesn't want to reschedule her appointments.

To my mind, she doesn't want to make it all work -- a trip together on one day, a rare meeting with my friends on another day. Now, the trip is canceled and I'm still going to see my friends on Sunday. However, it's all gone to crap, and I feel guilty. She only canceled the trip because she was upset and didn't want to accommodate me.

[Panda]

I hate people who are actually happy complain...

[highdials5]

Korean girl? Sounds typical. Don't be a walkover.

[Olivencia]

I heard Panda here just split up..maybe you two....??

OK. You are the man so take charge. Don't let her sway you with her not being cared for, feeling neglected, etc etc ad nauseum. These chicks do that to make us feel guilty. Don't fall for it. Don't submit to the intimidation!

I hope the best for you man.

[Kimsmith]

If you frequently end up giving up things that you want to do to make another person happy, then it's quite likely you may both end up unhappy. You may become resentful for being begrudged the time to see friends or work on your studies, and feel that nothing you do is quite good enough. She may feel you don't care enough if you can't drop everything and do what she wants, when she wants. All relationships are about give and take, and compromise and we all give up a certain amount, but never put yourself in a relationship where you yield far more than you should. I've done that and it is the most miserable you can feel - you never do any of the things you want, and yet are constantly told how selfish you are. Feeling guilty all the time isn't right. Just make sure you always explain why you are doing things, or behaving in a certain way. And just because she can juggle a lot of things at one time, doesn't automatically make you able to. We all have different energy levels and stress thresholds. Good luck!

[PRagic]

Dump her. If she's emotionally needy now, just wait until after grad school when she has more time on her hands (and know that you do, too).

Better to hurt a lot and get it over with now than to hurt a little for the rest of your life.

[Junior]

[Gibberish]

Let me tell you, there's nothing I want more than to be in a relationship where my partner guilts me constantly!

[nero]

[Xuanzang]

Try to salvage your boys night out day. make it not a totally wasted weekend.

[ciccone_youth]

You see her three times a week? That's good, she should be happy.

She sounds very needy. She should try to become more independent, and have a life of her own. Doesn't she have any friends she wants to see?

Don't feel guilty. I'm a girl, and if I had a boyfriend who'd spend time with me 3x per week, I'd like that. It's a good balance.

[nathanrutledge]

[Princess Soraya]

Just because she wants to see him more than 3 times a week doesn't mean she's needy and it has nothing to do with her being Korean either. (I was okay with seeing a guy once a week but that didn't make me any less "needy".) The point is, OP, what is your greatest priority right now? You'll know what to do when you've figured that out.

[IS-F]

How long have you been seeing this girl? Maybe it's because it's early in the relationship. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and we see each other twice a week on average and she's only a 10 minute drive away. It's because we both work and we're simply tired.

[withnail]

I'm afraid I think this is not going to end well. I was right in your situation a couple of years back. Being the very nice guy I am, I continued to negotiate reasonable behaviour with myself until it was just getting ridiculous.

She zeroed in on the fact that I was keen to do anything to make it work out and kept pushing it and pushing it until everyone but me could see it was becoming farcical. It is a control issue and whilst not limited to Korean girls, definitely very prevalent in them. Just my observation.

I think it's ultimatum time - and like any good negotiator, you gotta be able to walk and not look back if she won't meet you half way.

But to be honest the tell-tale signs are all over this one. It's textbook. Time's up.

On the bright side side - many more fish in the sea! (and a lot less demanding ones, too!)