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mayorgc
Joined: 19 Oct 2008
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 Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:02 pm Post subject: |
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| MollyBloom wrote: |
| mayorgc wrote: |
Is it a mental pleasure or a physical pleasure? Is it more pleasurable than an  ?
I read for example that some girls loved doggy style more than the feeling of orgasm.
So if all you recieved from sex was this "pleasure" and no orgasm, would you be satisfied? |
I think o's are more mental that physical. You certainly have to be feeling it, and be comfortable, to have one. However, there are some girls that can get off if you press their button.
I have girlfriends who totally fake it all the time.
On the other hand, you can not have an o, yet still enjoy it, and want to have it again with the same person time and time again. As another poster said, it's pleasurable in different ways for women. |
Can you describe the pleasure? is it like scratching an itch? How long does it last? When does your "session" finish, since there's no "pop"? Does it feel better than an actual O? |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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| MollyBloom wrote: |
| I have girlfriends who totally fake it all the time. |
I don't understand the female motivation behind faking it. If on the one hand a woman doesn't have orgasms but still enjoys it, I think a man could be comfortable with this (and would prefer it to being deceived). If on the other hand a woman doesn't enjoy it, faking it just makes sure she can never help her man learn how to make her feel good.
Why do they do it? |
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calicoe
Joined: 23 Dec 2008
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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| mayorgc wrote: |
So if all you recieved from sex was this "pleasure" and no orgasm, would you be satisfied? |
On a long term, continual basis - no. Women want their pleasure too. I'm not sure why a woman would put up with anything less.
edit added: quote Fox "I don't understand the female motivation behind faking it. If on the one hand a woman doesn't have orgasms but still enjoys it, I think a man could be comfortable with this (and would prefer it to being deceived). If on the other hand a woman doesn't enjoy it, faking it just makes sure she can never help her man learn how to make her feel good.
Why do they do it?"
They do it to placate men. They do it because they want to get it over with, and know he will not please them. They do it because they feel they could lose him, if he starts to feel inadequate. They do it because they don't know or have enough confidence in their own female sexuality to not fake it.
*edit again: And this creates a viscious cycle, where lack of confidence to just trust themselves and their body, leads them to "perform" or focus on his pleasure, rather than their own. At the end of the day, pleasure is selfish. Many women don't understand that they need this selfishness in bed to achieve their own pleasure. |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:17 am Post subject: |
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| calicoe wrote: |
They do it to placate men. They do it because they want to get it over with, and know he will not please them. They do it because they feel they could lose him, if he starts to feel inadequate. They do it because they don't know or have enough confidence in their own female sexuality to not fake it.
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Men totally cannot handle it when a woman they are with doesn't orgasm. Exhibit A: DMKB's friend telling him about his sex life in great detail to ask his opinion. Exhibit B: DMKB freaking out over it and making this thread.
I asked my boyfriend about this once, and his question was "What if I never orgasmed, but I said I still enjoy sex and want to do it. How would you feel about that?" And obviously I would feel uncomfortable and very not good about that, so I can understand where men are coming from.
I don't want to have sex if I'm not going to "finish" (hence my long period of chastity), but I've heard from enough other women about this pleasure without orgasm thing that it must be true. |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:54 am Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| MollyBloom wrote: |
| I have girlfriends who totally fake it all the time. |
I don't understand the female motivation behind faking it. If on the one hand a woman doesn't have orgasms but still enjoys it, I think a man could be comfortable with this (and would prefer it to being deceived). If on the other hand a woman doesn't enjoy it, faking it just makes sure she can never help her man learn how to make her feel good.
Why do they do it? |
I tend not to fake it, because it just encourages more bad sex, but then, for me, orgasms are decidedly physical, and not just mental. I once heard female orgasms compared to hiking up a mountain to see the sunrise- even if you're not at the summit in time to see the sunrise, you can still enjoy the walk. 
Sometimes women make noise just to express their pleasure, but it doesn't mean they're enjoying themselves quite as much as the men think. I've been known to moan just a little during a really good kiss, for instance. A lot of times, it's a simple misunderstanding.
The other reason, is that lots of men are delicate little flowers who take it as a personal affront if their partner doesn't come. Some women come at the drop of a hat, others might come once in a blue moon, if the stars are in the right alignment. If you know that it just isn't happening tonight for reasons unrelated to your partner, you might think you're being kind by faking it, rather than letting him think he failed you.
Orgasms are lovely, but they're not the only thing that matter. Being considerate, attentive and generous in bed will win you brownie points, orgasm or not. OP, next time you're with this girl, just ask her what she enjoys. Slow and gentle, hard and fast . . and then do your best to deliver that. Even if you manage to make her feel good, rather than goooooooooooood, I'm sure she'll appreciate the effort. |
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calicoe
Joined: 23 Dec 2008
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:37 am Post subject: |
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In reading the first post again, it is perfectly possible that she has never had one. I was about to make a list for your friend, and that would have been at the top.
She could be hot, open, enjoying herself, etc., but it is still possible. It is not important that we come every time, and we know there are a lot of variables with women (is the moon right, my horomones, did he diss me by showing up 3 hours late, etc.), but if everything goes right over time, she should be able to come with this guy, unless:
1. She's never had one yet and simply hasn't trained her body to feel one forming and go with it.
2. She doesn't feel emotionally or mentally safe for some reason. It could also be that she is too self-conscious about pleasing him, that she doesn't know how to relax to receive pleasure herself.
3. horomones - damned if you do, damned if you don't.
4. He's just not hitting it, really.
5. Is there enough excitment or tension in the relationship? |
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Underwaterbob
Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Location: In Cognito
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 3:15 pm Post subject: |
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| There's the other end of the spectrum: I knew a woman in university who claimed she could think herself to orgasm. No physical contact required. Apparently it's not unheard of. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:35 pm Post subject: Re: question about women - prefer replies from women |
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| DWAEJIMORIGUKBAP wrote: |
VERY OFF TOPIC. Be warned.
So a friend slept with this girl a few times recently. She never has an o.
She talked to him about it and said she never has had one. Not shy about it at all (which makes him think she's telling porkies)
He was like 'really? even if you d.i.y. or use a really fancy dil or something? (The fact that she owns one suggests to him she can have them - or why would she bother using one???) Or with the hottest / best lover you ever had?
She insists not. Other girls he's been with have had them. Or say they have and certainly seem to have ha ha... damn that movie with goldie Hawn....
A. Is this possible?
B. Would a girl lie about this? I mean all she'd need to do is just say it's him not doing it right and then give him some pointers about what she likes.... so why lie?
C. She still wants to go to bed with him! Does that indicate that she's in fact being truthful?
Lord it's very eherm, confusing and he doesn't want to keep going on about it to her. She's not in this industry and doesn't use this thread, she'd be too busy.
Some other factors. She's American. She's young still (mid thirties.) She can't possibly have any body issues that are causing this as she is pretty much a ten out of ten if you can believe that really exists.... Trust me I've seen her...
Any ideas?
I'm not sure what to tell him and I don't want to hurt his ego in anyway so I change the subject a lot or just say 'things will work out ha ha....'
Lol.... |
Your friend is an idiot. He thinks she is lying about it just because she is not shy about it? Sheeesh.
It's entirely possible that she doesn't have orgasms but still enjoys sex and foreplay. Some women don't ever have orgasms. Science doesn't yet know why some women don't have orgasms. Some women don't have them until they hit middle age. Some women have them sometimes, and sometimes not, but still enjoy sex each time.
NEWSFLASH: a woman can still enjoy sex very much, even if she doesn't have an orgasm.
You guys need to get a clue! |
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nero
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 6:35 pm Post subject: Re: question about women - prefer replies from women |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| DWAEJIMORIGUKBAP wrote: |
VERY OFF TOPIC. Be warned.
So a friend slept with this girl a few times recently. She never has an o.
She talked to him about it and said she never has had one. Not shy about it at all (which makes him think she's telling porkies)
He was like 'really? even if you d.i.y. or use a really fancy dil or something? (The fact that she owns one suggests to him she can have them - or why would she bother using one???) Or with the hottest / best lover you ever had?
She insists not. Other girls he's been with have had them. Or say they have and certainly seem to have ha ha... damn that movie with goldie Hawn....
A. Is this possible?
B. Would a girl lie about this? I mean all she'd need to do is just say it's him not doing it right and then give him some pointers about what she likes.... so why lie?
C. She still wants to go to bed with him! Does that indicate that she's in fact being truthful?
Lord it's very eherm, confusing and he doesn't want to keep going on about it to her. She's not in this industry and doesn't use this thread, she'd be too busy.
Some other factors. She's American. She's young still (mid thirties.) She can't possibly have any body issues that are causing this as she is pretty much a ten out of ten if you can believe that really exists.... Trust me I've seen her...
Any ideas?
I'm not sure what to tell him and I don't want to hurt his ego in anyway so I change the subject a lot or just say 'things will work out ha ha....'
Lol.... |
Your friend is an idiot. He thinks she is lying about it just because she is not shy about it? Sheeesh.
It's entirely possible that she doesn't have orgasms but still enjoys sex and foreplay. Some women don't ever have orgasms. Science doesn't yet know why some women don't have orgasms. Some women don't have them until they hit middle age. Some women have them sometimes, and sometimes not, but still enjoy sex each time.
NEWSFLASH: a woman can still enjoy sex very much, even if she doesn't have an orgasm.
You guys need to get a clue! |
Ummm...how are guys meant to know how women's bodies function when they are not women?
The op was asking because his friend doesn't know the answer to the question, and specifically asked for female input. Isn't that tantamount to trying to 'get a clue?' |
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nero
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 6:44 pm Post subject: Re: question about women - prefer replies from women |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| DWAEJIMORIGUKBAP wrote: |
VERY OFF TOPIC. Be warned.
So a friend slept with this girl a few times recently. She never has an o.
She talked to him about it and said she never has had one. Not shy about it at all (which makes him think she's telling porkies)
He was like 'really? even if you d.i.y. or use a really fancy dil or something? (The fact that she owns one suggests to him she can have them - or why would she bother using one???) Or with the hottest / best lover you ever had?
She insists not. Other girls he's been with have had them. Or say they have and certainly seem to have ha ha... damn that movie with goldie Hawn....
A. Is this possible?
B. Would a girl lie about this? I mean all she'd need to do is just say it's him not doing it right and then give him some pointers about what she likes.... so why lie?
C. She still wants to go to bed with him! Does that indicate that she's in fact being truthful?
Lord it's very eherm, confusing and he doesn't want to keep going on about it to her. She's not in this industry and doesn't use this thread, she'd be too busy.
Some other factors. She's American. She's young still (mid thirties.) She can't possibly have any body issues that are causing this as she is pretty much a ten out of ten if you can believe that really exists.... Trust me I've seen her...
Any ideas?
I'm not sure what to tell him and I don't want to hurt his ego in anyway so I change the subject a lot or just say 'things will work out ha ha....'
Lol.... |
Your friend is an idiot. He thinks she is lying about it just because she is not shy about it? Sheeesh.
It's entirely possible that she doesn't have orgasms but still enjoys sex and foreplay. Some women don't ever have orgasms. Science doesn't yet know why some women don't have orgasms. Some women don't have them until they hit middle age. Some women have them sometimes, and sometimes not, but still enjoy sex each time.
NEWSFLASH: a woman can still enjoy sex very much, even if she doesn't have an orgasm.
You guys need to get a clue! |
Ummm...how are guys meant to know how women's bodies function when they are not women?
The op was asking because his friend doesn't know the answer to the question, and specifically asked for female input. Isn't that tantamount to trying to 'get a clue?' |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 6:47 pm Post subject: Re: question about women - prefer replies from women |
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| nero wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| DWAEJIMORIGUKBAP wrote: |
VERY OFF TOPIC. Be warned.
So a friend slept with this girl a few times recently. She never has an o.
She talked to him about it and said she never has had one. Not shy about it at all (which makes him think she's telling porkies)
He was like 'really? even if you d.i.y. or use a really fancy dil or something? (The fact that she owns one suggests to him she can have them - or why would she bother using one???) Or with the hottest / best lover you ever had?
She insists not. Other girls he's been with have had them. Or say they have and certainly seem to have ha ha... damn that movie with goldie Hawn....
A. Is this possible?
B. Would a girl lie about this? I mean all she'd need to do is just say it's him not doing it right and then give him some pointers about what she likes.... so why lie?
C. She still wants to go to bed with him! Does that indicate that she's in fact being truthful?
Lord it's very eherm, confusing and he doesn't want to keep going on about it to her. She's not in this industry and doesn't use this thread, she'd be too busy.
Some other factors. She's American. She's young still (mid thirties.) She can't possibly have any body issues that are causing this as she is pretty much a ten out of ten if you can believe that really exists.... Trust me I've seen her...
Any ideas?
I'm not sure what to tell him and I don't want to hurt his ego in anyway so I change the subject a lot or just say 'things will work out ha ha....'
Lol.... |
Your friend is an idiot. He thinks she is lying about it just because she is not shy about it? Sheeesh.
It's entirely possible that she doesn't have orgasms but still enjoys sex and foreplay. Some women don't ever have orgasms. Science doesn't yet know why some women don't have orgasms. Some women don't have them until they hit middle age. Some women have them sometimes, and sometimes not, but still enjoy sex each time.
NEWSFLASH: a woman can still enjoy sex very much, even if she doesn't have an orgasm.
You guys need to get a clue! |
Ummm...how are guys meant to know how women's bodies function when they are not women?
The op was asking because his friend doesn't know the answer to the question, and specifically asked for female input. Isn't that tantamount to trying to 'get a clue?' |
It's fine to ask because you don't know.
It's not fine to assume a woman is lying for the most spurious of reasons, i.e. she wasn't shy. There were other dumb assumptions too like the fact she still wants to go to bed suggests she may not be being truthful when she said she'd never had an orgasms.  |
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nero
Joined: 11 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:29 pm Post subject: |
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^^^^^^^
Fair enough. |
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mc_jc
Joined: 13 Aug 2009
Location: C4B- Cp Red Cloud, Area-I
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:32 pm Post subject: |
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Are we in middle school, where we snicker every time someone says "orgasm"? How mature...c'mon!
I agree with the sentiment that for a woman, orgasms are very much mental and emotional rather than physical, as they are for us men.
The best thing to do is to get her into the mood- the problem these days, especially with young people, is that they view sex as a physical contact sport where such things are expected to happen- ladies and gents, welcome to the Porn Age.
One of the reasons why the mood sets the tone is so she feels romantic enough to feel it when it gets to that point- why rush into it?
The best I can say to do is, as someone had mentioned- is to go down on her (I call it, "returning the favor"). Do it a few times to make her hot, wet and ready to go.
But also don't forget to kiss other parts of the body- back, neck, fingers, toes (wash them first, though). Give her a nice body rub using warm baby oil- loosen her up.
Unlike us, women are not wind-up toys ready to spring into action. You need to bring the passion back if you want to make her purr and meow.
I think I should seriously think about retiring from threads like these  |
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calicoe
Joined: 23 Dec 2008
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:00 pm Post subject: |
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| mc_jc wrote: |
I agree with the sentiment that for a woman, orgasms are very much mental and emotional rather than physical, as they are for us men.
The best thing to do is to get her into the mood-
I think I should seriously think about retiring from threads like these |
I
I think orgasms are just as physical for women. Actually, in many ways, they seem to be more intense, too. However, I think the process in getting us there can be a lot more complicated than for men.
I think it was stated somewhere that women's desire is a lot like a wave that ebbs and flows, whereas for males it is more direct and head on (no pun intended), until ... final impact.
If women's are more like a wave, we have to learn how to ride that wave without falling off, with the help of a partner of course, and everything else.
But, I liked your advice. |
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DrugstoreCowgirl
Joined: 08 May 2009
Location: Daegu-where the streets have no name
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| Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| MollyBloom wrote: |
| I have girlfriends who totally fake it all the time. |
I don't understand the female motivation behind faking it. If on the one hand a woman doesn't have orgasms but still enjoys it, I think a man could be comfortable with this (and would prefer it to being deceived). If on the other hand a woman doesn't enjoy it, faking it just makes sure she can never help her man learn how to make her feel good.
Why do they do it? |
I always faked it with my last ex because he was boring. I would even suggest different things to do but he never wanted to do anything new, so I just wanted to get it over with.
Last edited by DrugstoreCowgirl on Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:56 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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