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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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.38 Special
Joined: 08 Jul 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
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 Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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It's their relationship. Not your problem. Unless its marriage with children, as mentioned above, as you could jeopardize a family. In that case, the wife gets lectured ... erotically, but still lectured and not slept with. 
A recent conundrum I've encountered recently was: not married but with children. Now that's a hard call. Still not sure what the verdict is on that one.
One thing is for sure: the boyfriend is doing everything in his power to fight me (even though I haven't done anything) without actually starting a fight with me (coming up behind me, putting me in a headlock, and trying to drag me off of a bar stool... twice... in the same 2 minutes... was unsuccessful for him).
Men can be such a drag.  |
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Jeonmunka
Joined: 05 Oct 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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| What about Married with children guy vrs married with children gal - are they good to go? |
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Tundra_Creature
Joined: 11 Jun 2009
Location: Canada
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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| peppermint wrote: |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpdzEpGIqtY
I try to avoid the Married But Available types, but more for my own sanity. If he's willing to cheat with me, why wouldn't' he cheat on me someday? I'd feel somewhat guilty sleeping with someone else's husband, but he's the one breaking vows, and destroying trust, I'm just helping. |
That always seemed to be the advice given from the women in my family. Though it included cheating whether the guy was married or not. I'd say that most of the time, the habit would cross over to marriage, even with the vows in place.
Not to mention you'd be pissed if you found out your boyfriend was getting it on with another woman (or man), so do you really want to do the same thing to someone else?
If you do, well then, that's a different ballgame. |
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Baby Wipes
Joined: 30 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Jeonmunka wrote: |
| What about Married with children guy vrs married with children gal - are they good to go? |
Only if the children are over 16 years of age...or severely retarded. |
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Draz
Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Location: Land of Morning Clam
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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| peppermint wrote: |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpdzEpGIqtY
I try to avoid the Married But Available types, but more for my own sanity. If he's willing to cheat with me, why wouldn't' he cheat on me someday? |
Because he's only interested in sex and you're not going to actually have a relationship with him anyway? This I think is the source of my scorn for women sleeping with married guys - they should know better. If a woman really truly honestly only wants sex from him I guess she doesn't have any reason not to other than empathy and kindness towards strangers or whatever... but women like that are pretty rare. |
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sarahsiobhan
Joined: 24 May 2009
Location: Wherever I am , I am probably drinking tea.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 5:48 pm Post subject: |
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.....one could argue that they are no more of a rarity than men like that are.
I am not saying sleeping with a cheater (knowingly) is a grand thing to do, but I would have to say that when women AND men do it, they are both equally guilty. You can't blame a woman 'more' than a man for the same transgression. |
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Panda
Joined: 25 Oct 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:44 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks, especially to ladies
Many of you left great comments here.
That being said, we all are grown up, who take responsibility of ourselves...No one else would care the integrity of your relationship if you showed no respect to yourself or to your significant other.
The cheater is the lowest of the low, but not the one who sleeps with him/her.
Last edited by Panda on Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:24 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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ThingsComeAround
Joined: 07 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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| There is a fantastic movie on this very subject, which I had the privilege of viewing last night in Insadong. The title is called "Manhattan" by Woody Allen. Very insightful. Give it a watch |
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jhuntingtonus
Joined: 09 Dec 2008
Location: Jeonju
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Joe666 wrote: |
| I was under the impression that "sleeping with a cheater" was a major Korean past time. |
"Who's making love/With my old lady/While I was out making love?"
That's from an old song, and not a Korean one either. |
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buildbyflying
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: To your right. No, your other right.
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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Just playing Devil's Ad: http://www.crimethinc.com/texts/harbinger/adultery.php
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| Adultery, in stark contrast to the Good Marriage, comes naturally, arriving without even being invited. Suddenly you feel transformed: awakened from the graveyard of once-vital passion that has been your relationship, to feel that excitement again. You shouldn't be feeling any of this, damn it, and yet it's the first time you've been carried away by pure, unforced happiness in who knows how long-and oh, the sweet optimism of something new, something that isn't yet fucking predictable. . . it's as if surprise, risk, gratification, fulfillment were again genuinely imaginable possibilities. Who, if they could feel what you're feeling right now, could possibly demand you resist? |
My question is this: Whether it's ethical or not, liberating or not, if it causes suffering isn't that something we should ultimately seek to avoid? Perhaps monogamy itself is the root of the problem, maybe it's lived on past its usefulness... or perhaps we've all become sociopaths and hedonists unwilling to change. I don't know. |
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Goku
Joined: 10 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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| buildbyflying wrote: |
My question is this: Whether it's ethical or not, liberating or not, if it causes suffering isn't that something we should ultimately seek to avoid? Perhaps monogamy itself is the root of the problem, maybe it's lived on past its usefulness... or perhaps we've all become sociopaths and hedonists unwilling to change. I don't know. |
That's quite insightful. It seems that society has been changing to suit more cheaters than loyalists.
I think the root of the problem gets at, why do we feel pain when we are cheated on? I think the answer SEEMS natural, but quite frankly if we ask ourselves why do we feel grief and pain, the answer actually seems illogical.
If my partner, has a romp in the hay with another man, does it mean she doesn't love me? It could very well be just for excitement or physical drive.
So we have to question ourselves our own self evolution of the human. We developed monogamy as a survival technique for human species. It's a necessary condition for our offspring to survive. We feel grief and pain when cheated on because we don't want to raise a child not of our own blood or genetic material. And we lose the trust and ultimately the security of a partner who is supposed to raise our children.
But now, with the condom, we don't have that price anymore. Should it matter if my partner has multiple partners? As a man, I won't raise any of these children. Why should I still feel the pain associated with her feeling the physical pleasure with another man? And vice versa for her?
I believe, probably in much more generations humans will evolve to a point where cheating becomes impossible. The reasons for this is because as society evolves we are becoming that children need love and a more stable relationship to survive.
In addition, sex has become sort of ... useless. What I mean is that although we have a drive to procreate with different people, we don't actually have their babies. Isn't that a funny thing? We are having sex, but we aren't having babies. we feel the pleasure. Our bodies are telling us it's great. and we see an attractive person we want to mate. It's because our natural drive is to have their baby. But we aren't. Which makes it a useless act in strict biological terms.
If our human evolution is smart or moves appropriately in terms of future generations, we should see the change that cheating has become useless, and the people with this particular drive... die off.
Essentially the cheating gene becomes obsolete.
Look at it this way. Most people DON'T want to marry a cheater right? But most people want to have babies with people with whom they marry. If cheaters continue to have protected sex without producing babies, then their genetic lineage will die off. The "cheating" gene (if it exists) doesn't have a chance to produce.
Loyal partners however, almost always find a partner. They are wanted... and demanded in our society. DON'T WE ALL WANT LOYAL PARTNERS?!?
They are always in demand, and they will always have children...
But then agian you have to question if cheating is genetic or learned.... Hmm I don't know my grandpa has several bastard children so I can't say for sure...
This is just a hypothesis of course, but one that it interesting to think about . |
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Captain Corea
Joined: 28 Feb 2005
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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The person who cheats has the issue.
I don't blame the single person. |
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AmericanExile
Joined: 04 May 2009
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:09 am Post subject: |
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I tend to believe very few people have a strong moral core. Most people do what they want and find a justification. Justifications tend to support the idea of script theory as you hear all the same crap, lame excuses for bad behavior over and over.
The problem with nature v. nurture is that they are both determinist philosophies. If you have no say then how can you be accountable. As an American, I can say there is a drive in the culture to make people unaccountable for all ethical/moral missteps to the degree that when you actually take responsibility it bothers people and they try to make an excuse for you.
Accountability is wonderful. Anyone who teaches should know that.
I reject the idea that it is the married person's problem when they cheat. You are responsible for the consequences of your acts. If a family is ripped apart because you had sex with a married partner with kids then you are responsible. Innocent people are hurt. They are hurt because of what you did. There simply is no other way to see it that is not just another lame justification for bad behavior.
"I didn't take no vow..." blah, blah, blah bite me. |
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joyfulgirl
Joined: 05 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 4:12 am Post subject: |
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I have never cheated on a boyfriend, and the thought of it is very bizarre to me. I also would be very hurt if I were cheated on, as most would.
I would not be okay with the idea of the man i love sharing an intimate experience like that with someone else. It's not the sex ACT that I think of..it's the naked, sweaty laughter after, or the kiss goodnight before you fall asleep in each other's arms, or what you say to each other first thing in the morning. it's the connection.
In fact, I have felt threatened and jealous of past lovers' emotional connections with other woman. not that they had female friends, but that they seemed particularly close and connected to certain women that carried with it some sexual weight.
That said, while I was teaching in Seoul a few years back I slept with a coworkers boyfriend a couple of times, and a coworker who had a girlfriend a couple of times. I was not friendly with the female coworker, and she only stayed a few months. Her boyfriend was not someone I was interested in, but showed up at my door drunk a few times, and things led to things. I had only met the male coworker's girlfriend once, and she lived outside the city, and he seemed to be 'confused' about how much he loved her. I wasn't that interested in him, either, but a few beers later, things led to things.
I never once felt like I was cheating when I was with them, or being awful. I was aware they had girlfriends, and my only feeling in the "morning" was that I wish I could tell their girlfriends, to let them know they were dating slimeballs. But I didn't. I may have felt a little bad, just a recognition that I'd done something not that good. But I always thought they were the cheaters, 'cause that's what they were doing...cheating on someone they'd made a commitment to. I hadn't broken any promises to anyone. |
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Sector7G
Joined: 24 May 2008
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| Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:56 pm Post subject: |
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| joyfulgirl wrote: |
I never once felt like I was cheating when I was with them, or being awful. I was aware they had girlfriends, and my only feeling in the "morning" was that I wish I could tell their girlfriends, to let them know they were dating slimeballs. But I didn't. I may have felt a little bad, just a recognition that I'd done something not that good. But I always thought they were the cheaters, 'cause that's what they were doing...cheating on someone they'd made a commitment to. I hadn't broken any promises to anyone. |
So a little alcohol causes you to sleep with slime balls, eh? At the very least you were a slime ball enabler. Not trying to be judgmental, because I was on both sides of the situation in my younger years. But it is certainly not exemplary behavior. The urge to tell their girlfriends in the morning when the alcohol wears off probably comes from a sense of guilt. |
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