Korean Job Discussion Forums

[itaewonguy]

one of my korean male friends told me yesterday, that he has watched his character change into a moody, depressed,bitter, sour faced guy who lost his smile along the way...

he said in his school days he was a funny guy, smiled a lot and was , popular for his wit and humor and was always in good spirits even though the stress of highschool life....

now he says even though he puts on a funny face and acts happy, he said he can't hide the man he has become by living in this society!
he said I can fool others, but I can't fool myself...

He says Korea has some kind of cloud hovering over the country which turns people bitter...
He said to me, " I wish I could get out of here and find my smile again"


I really felt for this guy, he was only 30 years old and a slave to the chaebol!

so I looked at myself and rememebered myself before I came here 10+ years ago, and I think he is right! I too have changed a lot for the worse!
Im more moody, have a low tolerance now towards koreans, even though I can handle stress well and am always happy and easy going when i'm with friends or alone etc.. but deep down if I analyze myself, I think I too have fallen victim to the bitter cloud monster which hovers over this city..
I mean when I look at koreans , they all look Bitter, sour faced, and pissed off...
sure life is what you make of it, thats why I never questioned myself until last night I also thought naaa I'm sweet ...

I dont know... but I think the guy was right, what he said made sense and coming from a Korean really made me think about it..
If living here to long will it turn me into one of them??

how about you guys??
can you relate?

[Captain Corea]

I'm a lot less violent

[SHANE02]

I'm more stressed but much more comfortable. Does that make sense?

[nautilus]

Its an incredibly hard society to be happy and relaxed in....for Koreans and foreigners.

Its seen as almost a crime here to genuinely let your hair down and have a good time. In the workplace...koreans have always tried to restrain my natural humor somehow. They want to put pressure on you..and if there isn't any, they manufacture it out of thin air. If you walk down the street in a good mood, someone will step out and do something to frustrate you. Even a smile tends to draw stone cold glares from the ajosshis I find. These people live in a hyper-stressful confucian state of misery and anxiety. Be aware of it.. and try not to let them project it onto you.

Ultimately I would say yes, living here for years has made me more guarded and cold as a person.

[OiGirl]

I'm much more polite and serene.

Really.

[Kimchi Cha Cha]

My experiences have been similar to nautilus' experiences. I tend to be fairly happy go lucky and smile a lot when I'm in a good mood, and I've also noticed it tends to bring out some animosity and hostility particularly in older men. It's like they're thinking 'life sucks and I can't have chumps like you walking with a cake-eating grin on your face' so they try to wipe it off you.

Nowadays I'm more confident and open than before I came to Korea but also more guarded, cold and reserved when I feel I need to be if that makes any sense. A lot of locals seem to think I'm crazy or stupid, particularly when I'm smiling with a goofy grin but I often experienced the same home. That reassures me that I must be doing something right.

[earthbound14]

Um, well I think for a Korean working in a Chaebol and having to meet the standards of ones parents while also being required to fit into Korean social rules it would actually be worse than for me.

However, on the flip side, being a foreigner for so long does take it's toll. I think being a foreign person in any country is difficult. Perhaps a little more so in Korea than in my own country due to the protective nature of the laws and the xenophobic ideas of some of the people here, but compared to other places Korea is actually pretty easy to live in...one of the reasons I have chosen to stay here.

There are of course some purely Korean reasons for some of the things that bother me here and make me feel less relaxed.

For example,

Laws are kind of guidelines and seem to protect people less than they should. I get very angry about the number of reckless drivers in Korea, but on the flip side I like that I myself can be more relaxed with my own driving...I'm not worrying 24/7 about some cop ready to sneak up on me a nd give me a ticket.

It bugs me that dong rolls down hill so much, I hate that my older neighbour expects that we should bow to her every complaint because of her age and I hate how my boss thinks its OK to do stuff to me that would not be allowed the other way.

I also don't like how I have to go to my in laws on Chuseok...and it always sucks. Just a mad rush to go out and bow down to the dead and the parents. Holidays are not enjoyable family events...love them, but not the same as Christmas back home...really miss that relaxed fun feeling of being with family.

I miss being able to have friends over when ever I want...cause we always have to be careful of noise and we have no yard to hang out in in the summer.

So in some ways Korea does make me feel less relaxed. But in others I'm becoming more and more content. Short distances, walking rather than driving, my boss doesn't breath down my neck for measurable results, no car to fix, great bus and subway service, cheap to go out and eat, I never worry about paying off hefty fines, outrageuos fees or taxes, small easy to maintain apartment and I don't worry as much about theft or violence.

[Moldy Rutabaga]

I'm not sure if it's just because I'm getting older, but when I go home to visit friends say I don't do as many fun or silly things anymore, and I find it hard to dress informally. I think Korea does introduce micro-changes into your personality over time. I know I am a little more cynical than before.

I seem to have gotten good at the neutral smile. Yes, showing too much emotion in public, whether happiness or anger, brings out the annoyed looks from others.

On the flipside, I've taken to Korean impatience at times back in Canada. No elevator handy at the airport? No problem -- jam the suitcases on the escalator and pretend you don't understand English when the airport staff yell at you!

[Konglishman]

I remember having a similar conversation over a few drinks with my old principal...

[coralreefer_1]

Actually today is my 5 year anniversary (Nov. 18th) and I find myself different in many ways.

Mainly, I have gotten over my shyness about speaking my mind. I'm not sure if that has something to do with being in Korea, or something to do with being 5 years older, but I care less about what other think about my opinions and actions than I used to.

I do find that I am more likely to act out on my emotions now, as compared to back in the US where a little too much lip to the wrong person can possibly get you shot in the street, followed home and have your home trashed or your tires slashed...etc.

I am also very grateful to have had and continue to have the experience of living in a foreign country as a minority, and in some ways getting a small bit of perspective of what life is like for other minorities in the US. I cant say that life for me here is in any way as hard as the life of the average minority back home, but at least getting a small taste of it betters me as an individual and helps me to be more understanding of the plight others face on a daily basis that often gets overlooked.

[PatrickGHBusan]

Interesting thread iteawonguy....

I would say living in Korea for over 10 years was a great learnign experience in many ways. Did it change me?

Sure it did, like any such experience would!

It did not make me worse...it did open my eyes to differences and showed me somethings about my home country that I had not considered before (both good and bad). It showed me a different side of family life and gave me an improved perspective on teaching as a profession.

Living as a minority in Korea was also a great eye opener on so many levels, most of them quite fertile in what they could teach me.

[ashland]

[seonsengnimble]

Not really sure about my overall state of mind, but there is one thing I've noticed about myself which I had to be careful of when I went to the Philippines. Back home, if something upset me, I'd just keep it inside or voice my frustrations when I was at home. Now, if I'm in the middle of a crowded street and any small annoyance happens, I'll loudly curse.

I noticed this when I was in the Philippines and was looking for an atm. I was searching all over and couldn't find one. I was a bit frustrated, so I just spoke to myself and asked "Where the **** is an atm?" Someone turned around and politely directed me to the nearest location, and I was quite embarrassed.

[mongolian spot]

Smile and others will smile back.

Just not in Korea. In korea smile and others will mistrust you.

The contradiction is strongest in shitty hagwans where your boss expects you to be happy bouncing of the walls like a clown while interacting with him and the K staff like a morgue Director and his dead bodies.

[WavFunc]