Korean Job Discussion Forums

[eIn07912]

So, my end is drawing near in Korea. It's been creeping up on me, but it kind of hit all at once today. Three months left. Three solid months.

For the past year, I've been bemoaning my decision to stay a third year. The first was great. New life. New experiences. New people. The world was my oyster. The second was more of a roller coaster. High highs and low lows. But I feel I learned about my character in that time. I matured more. I began to understand my place in it all and how to make the most of it. This last year was strictly for money. And money I made. I'm happy leaving with the bundle I've put back. Happy about the dent I made in my massive student loans. Happy I've been able to treat myself to material things that friends of mine back home envy.

But the whole time, I despised the situation I was in. It seems I saw the worst of what Korea could offer. I saw a side of Koreans I never thought possible. I saw xenophobia and racism run amok. I saw an absolute hatred of Americans expressed to my face. As a Yank, we know the world hates us, but it doesn't make it any easier to take when it's thrown in your face day after day.

But despite this, despite the feelings I have to desperately move on with my life and leave this part of the world behind, I keep getting these flashes of fear and anxiety. Flashes of sentiment. "I know I hate it. I know it's made me bitter... but what if I miss it too much?" I say to myself. "What if I get out of here and find everything I attempt, I fail at? What if I wake up in five or ten years, look around at my life, and say 'the biggest mistake I made was leaving Korea. Leaving a well paying, stable job. Leaving a city that has so much to offer. Leaving beautiful women, that for some odd reason I don't fully understand, find me attractive. Leaving a comfortable (albeit, frustrating at times) life.'"

And it's these flashes that I think are jerking me back into reality. Grabbing me from the abyss of illusion and yanking me by the collar back into the "real world." It reminds me of what alcoholics call their "moment of clarity." When, for weeks, months, or even years at a time, they continue to drink and destroy their lives and the lives of others around them. But they keep telling themselves that they have things under control. That it's not that big of a problem yet. That it could always be worse. That they still know what's best for themselves. Then, as the asphalt comes speeding toward their face as they drunkenly plummet to the earth.. it hits them. What was best was right in front of their face, but they continued to ignore it, and carry on with their own plans.

Is that what I'm doing now? Is my "drinking" the "gotta get out of Korea, gotta get out of Korea" thoughts that keep running through my head. Will my sobering reality come when I'm cold, alone, poor, and stuck in a small town in the rural south, working a dead end job with no real future, no real chance at happiness? And only as I cinch the noose around my neck and the table legs I'm standing on begin to wobble and give, will the reality hit me that it all went wrong when I left Korea? I could've had a secure job. A job that payed well, gave me lot's of time off, and wasn't all that difficult. I could've gotten married. Rather easily actually. Out of my league in fact. I could have had kids. I could have had a nice home. I could have had a family that I could have provided for. I could have known a happiness that is too foreign and alien to me now. But I threw it away. Chasing an illusion of a "better life out of here."

Is this my fate? Is this the better part of me trying to save me before it's too late? Or is this just paranoid delusion? Are these the normal thoughts great men have had before embarking on journeys of uncertainty?

[Forward Observer]

Was this post intended for your blog? Just kidding man

[fermentation]

I think you're putting your happiness too much on either leaving Korea or staying. There's more than one answer to life and your happiness doesn't have to be defined by external factors. That's my take on it anyway.

Maybe you should see a counselor dude.

[eIn07912]

[bobbyhanlon]

i could have pretty much written the exact same thing as the OP.. my first year was fantastic, my second full of new understanding and great friends but some gloomy moments too, and my third was, well, a mistake.

and then.. i went home. i did my mba, and now work in switzerland, which is about as different to korea as you can get in every possible way.
the sad thing is, being here just makes it painfully obvious to me how much i miss korea. so here i am, two and a half years after leaving, writing on dave's bloody esl cafe.
someone on this board once wrote that korea is like a lover who you know is all wrong for you, but who you somehow can't get over. i can't think of a better way to put it. so if a good job in korea came along for me now, i know i'd sign up in a heartbeat.
korea is the only place about which i can say 'i don't like it, but i do love it'. if i go back, i'll most probably regret it, but if i don't, then i'll regret that too. life's a bitch, ain't it..

[Rusty Shackleford]

Good grief. You can always come back if you find life too tough back in your homeland.

I guarantee if you go home with your current attitude then you are destined to fail. Your outcome in life is what you think about all the time. If you think negative thoughts, then you will have a negative life.

[Old Gil]

Say what you will about ESL, it's a hell of a fallback. Get the hell out. Try China or Japan or Brazil.

[ChopChaeJoe]

If you get hatred thrown in your face day after day here, it's probably more you than your country of origin. I've been here over 4 years and it's at most a bi-weekly occurance, monthly or less if I'm not in public with a Korean woman.

Anyways, thanks for sharing your neurosis, I guess.

[Forbidden Fruit]

It seems like you have '미련' if you know what that means.

[UrbanStyle]

How often do you experience racism, i had very few occurrences throughout the course of a year - and most people i met didn't hate Americans, they seemed to like us for the most part.

The hate filled Korean racists seem to be few and far between, and mostly seem to be just jealous Korean guys.

[Steelrails]

When I was at my Korean Church back in the States I experienced Korea Hate after 4-5 years there (In the States!). I was an outcast, Everyone Hated me, These people are so stupid, etc. etc. I stormed around in a ball of misery for another 2 years before I finally left. During the 1 1/2 year gap between leaving the church and coming here I had my "moment of clarity". I was somehow able to let a lot of the things go and be less judgmental. Was having every church lunch being Korean food really a reason to be ANGRY at people?

A breath of fresh air in the states may be good. But yeah, moments of clarity can reveal what is truly good and what is truly bad.

[storysinger81]

[The Goalie]

[Colorado]

The fourth year is much better.

[Forbidden Fruit]