Korean Job Discussion Forums

[NovaKart]

I'm currently in a relationsip with a Turkish man who speaks almost no English. I speak Turkish at a pre-intermediate level by my own estimation. We generally manage to communicate but of course it can be frustrating sometimes. The other night I was really really irritated when he was trying to order something online and I was trying to explain to him about the e-mail confirmation and such and the website was only in English.

I'm trying to lean more Turkish but that's a long-term goal and it will be even more difficult for him to learn English. English isn't very widely spoken in Turkey and even many people who are university educated like him don't speak it.

Is it stupid to get involved with someone when there is such a big communiation problem? I figure a lot of people on this board have had this experience. Or do you limit yourself to dating the English speaking population in Korea.

[Goon-Yang]

I think you are mistaking banging with dating. Why would you get into a serious long term relationship with someone you couldn't talk to. On the other hang banging someone who can't speak a word of your native tongue is fun. So I've heard:)

[NovaKart]

I've done enough banging, tired of that. There aren't a lot of other expatriates in this city and not a lot of people speak English so the dating pool is limited. I met someone who's great in every other way except he doesn't speak English. And we can communicate, just it's difficult. So I'm giving it a shot, but of course it does bring some unique problems to the relationship.

[guava]

Fafalafaka, fafalafaka, they whisper it all over Turkey
Fafalafaka, fafalafaka, it sounds so romantic and perky

[Hightop]

I have dated women who do not speak English before. I found it quite good. Of course you have to have a common language that you are both, I would say, at least intermediate. Sure there are problems in communication but I found the problems encountered by language difficulty pale in comparison to regular relationship problems, money, sex, honesty etc etc. As long as you are fairly light hearted and easy going not speaking each others native tongues should not spell the end of a relationship.

[I'm no Picasso]

I get bored with the conversation in a relationship with a native English speaker. I can't imagine what would happen if I even tried to date someone who I couldn't communicate with. But it takes all types. If it works for you, then it works for you. Of course, it's kind of sounding a little bit like it doesn't....

[lhasa]

[I'm no Picasso]

[lhasa]

[Bloopity Bloop]

I just got out of a relationship with a non-native speaker (Japan) who had high English skill... and I just got sick of it. I don't think I could be in a serious relationship with another non-native speaker. It gets old... eventually. For me, it gets old fast.

[peemil]

Dating someone who doesn't speak English?

You might get some peace and quiet while trying to play XBox instead of her moaning on about stuff that no-one gives a toss about and putting you off your game.

I say go for it.

[djsmnc]

"Me happy"

"I'm"

"Food good"

"Yes"

"Love you"

"Love you"

What the hell else is there to talk about? This seems idyllic!

[beercanman]

haha

if ya like each other you will teach each other language, and that can sure take some time, but in the meantime yeah, I'd say some frustration will arise, as in any other deal, when the other does not understand basic language.. did it just once really (someone who really spoke near zero English and I even less of her lingo) and for only about a month. It was ok, good fun, but still had its odd moments

[.38 Special]

A memoir I read a few years ago really showcased, for me, the experience of a very physical non-communicative relationship (what non-communicative relationship isn't nigh just physical?). It's called Between Revolutions by Laurie Alberts.

In it, she is an English teacher in Russia in the early 1980s. She "falls in love" with a smuggler. He speaks almost no English, she speaks almost no Russian. They use various modes of communicating, poorly, especially vodka. She returns to America for a little while, then returns the following summer. The problem is, he won't go to the States with her and she can't stay there (she is a Jew -- not a pleasant niche to inhabit during the Soviet Union, or under the Tzars for that matter, check out Fixer by Bernard Malamud).

And that is what it is going to come down to. There is no love without communication. Hell, there isn't even rational consciousness without communication. It's all sensations. It's a delusion, a dream, lust and infatuation. And it won't follow you across an ocean, not for love anyway.

But you cannot resist, can you? There is something terribly romantic about it. Like "Cathedral" by Raymond Carver, you are both perceptibly impaired, but there is something invigorating about the idea of it, a common ground of inability. But instead of reading to the blind you're making love. Enjoy it. It won't last. Either you will learn to speak to each other or it will fizzle out for one reason or another.

[Old Gil]

I dated a girl whose English was not great, and although we didnt' have a great amazing fulfilling relationship outside of the fooling around, I found I was ok with just sitting there and not saying anything, moreso than I would have imagined.